Christmas nightmare

Jeez what an utterly selfish bore! Tell him NO you are putting your recovery before his wants. No ifs no buts you and your pain management are far more important than a posh charity do - I'd be telling him to do one selfish man!

No doubt that if he was in your position he wouldn’t go!Sounds a very selfish man with no empathy.Stick to your guns and don’t go! morphine you really must be in awful pain .so good luck and keep smiling through.Who wants to spend time with people we can’t stand anyway!Life is too short!

I am so shocked that your doctor hasn't offered more help or even the hospital.

I had a bad injury earlier this year and was finding it emotionally difficult to cope with it. Some pain since and lack of mobility but it was coping with "threats".

I use this word wisely as the hospital therapist suggested counselling (done free here - Cornwall). They talk about events, like yours as threats and gave me ways of coping and dealing with them.

Go back to your doctor please or talk to someone at the hospital if you still go.

I now find it much easier to copy and deal / talk about the "threats" with my DH and family. They hadn't realised just how hard I was finding it.

Good luckBbarb

Oh my dear life can be so very difficult. I have been unable to move because of back pain....couldn’t even get in my car to drive. I am blessed to have a chiropractor at the bottom of my road. Took a few sessions...sorted.....but I will always have back issues because of a leg injury.
As to antidepressants...think of them as a ‘sticking plaster’...with you for the moment of healing...may not be needed for too long.. you will need to take them for at least two weeks before they take effect.
Once you’ve got these two serious elements sorted I feel you will be better able to find an outfit...probably from your own collection...a belt, scarf, jewellery can change the look and charity shops sell some wonderful pieces. Why does it have to be new....the trend now is to recycle, reuse and to be climate aware.
Hopefully you will feel better in spirit and body and will be able to enjoy yourself. You don’t have to stay until the end...but if things go well...you will.
Good luck and good health.
Oh...and by the way...I’ve been taking antidepressants for some while.....I think of it as my walking stick....ever hopeful I will lose it someday.

Tell him to fuck off - you’re back hurts and you’re not going. End of. How DARE he get annoyed with you?!?

I don’t think you should go. It’s impossible to enjoy yourself when you’re in pain, or feeling below par in any way for that matter. You’ve had a major injury, and pain killers are meant to see you through, whilst doing relatively little, rest and gentle exercise. They won’t help if you’re out doing something that you need to be on top for. Being out late, dancing, sitting for ages in uncomfortable chairs maybe, and all in the cold! Your husband needs to grasp the meaning of “no”, and you need to be assertive with it. He will suffer afterwards, if this disables you further. Look after yourself.

I don't think that he isn't caring - he may well have bought the tickets for you as a treat, thinking that as you had been so ill and stuck in the house, that you would enjoy an evening out!
As for the clothes, quite frankly, most men don't take much notice of what women are wearing - he'd open the wardrobe door , see the clothes, and think that you'd be fine - the fact that they no longer fit, wouldn't enter his head!
You need to sit him down and just tell him what you have told us now, while there is still a chance that the tickets can be resold, or he can get a refund.
There is nothing worse than being somewhere that you don't want to be when you are not feeling well. My ex bought tickets for a show when I was at the sicky part of my pregnancy - he just couldn't understand that I did not want to be sitting in a cramped space , in the middle of the row, when all I wanted to do was vomit!
Talk to your OH, and also see if alternative therapies such as accupuncture, a massage or a different drug from your GP can help with the pain.

I agree with those who say you shouldn’t go.
Your husband has already bought the tickets so perhaps you could suggest that they are given to someone who might like them and who would donate to a Charity of your choice.in lieu of payment
That will make you feel so much better too.

Try speaking to him. Although you might surprise yourself and enjoy it and he might have been thinking to take your mind of everything it's something completely different and for one night only you can forget about your pain. I'm sure there be seats to sit down on and take rests.

Personally I would only take anti depressants if you really feel you need to, whether they will ease the pain physically only your doctor can answer that. Good luck

Charity begins at home! Sounds to me that this is all about him not you. Saying it’s for charity doesn’t validate a selfish gesture in my opinion. He’s given little thought to you ... recovering from a major trauma and feeling not at your best in any shape or form.
On the other hand, if he doesn’t realise how badly you feel it’s because you haven’t told him! Time to sit down together and let him know exactly how this dreadful injury has and continues to affect you and that it’s about the little, kind gestures not the grand ones. Tell him also how you feel about the other couple ... it sounds like a nightmare occasion even if you were fit and well. Be assertive - there will be other events where charities can be supported but not so your health. All the best x

I am so sorry to hear about your back. It must be dreadfully painful. I am in agreement with others here: you wont enjoy yourself at the do, so just don't go.

Regarding clothes, I have a really bad knee and now cannot walk around the shops expecially in the cold. I have just discovered that I can buy clothes on the internet and there is one place with endless choice, its called Floryday. I have just ordered a lovely dress from them and I hope it is all right. As this is my first experience of buying online I cannot recommend them, but maybe others can? Prices seem reasonable and a lot have been reduced. Worth a look.
Whatever happens. I hope you have a lovely Christmas. x

Bbarb, you poor love! Constant back pain is a grim thing to cope with, I know from experience. Time to put your foot down with a firm hand..it may be difficult, and something you would prefer not to have to deal with, but your OH needs to be told, and quickly, that you are not going to accompany him to this 'do'. Do you have any family who could explain to him exactly how much pain you are in? Or could your doctor perhaps have a word with him? He might take notice of someone with expert knowledge? A party of that type would be hell even if you were attending with your best friends, so the prospect of sitting through it with people you dislike would be a special kind of torture. Show him this thread! If he thought he was being kind, he needs to be put straight. If he was just being selfish, then he doesn't deserve your consideration. Bite the bullet and get it over with, you will feel better mentally once the deed is done, and if he is going to sulk, he has time to get over it before Christmas. One last question...why did YOU put up decorations? I'd have thought if he loves them so much, he'd be capable of doing that himself!

Jay Lucy recommended looking at alternative therapies.
At the moment I am suffering from sciatica and am having acupuncture treatment.
I feel much better for it and although it might not be suitable for your condition.it may be worth checking it out.

What a stressful situation for you. Your OH needs to understand that he can resell the tickets, ask someone else to go with him (if you are happy with that) gift the tickets to another couple, or just regard the ticket price as a donation to the charity. Above all he needs to recognise that you absolutely should not go if you are in pain, and see the event as an uphill struggle, particularly as you will be in the company of people you don't like! That would be the nail in the coffin for me - if you were to have good company it might be a case of grit the teeth and struggle through, if you desperatly wanted to go, but you don't! Even if you were to do that you might find the resultant pain and discomfort a very high price to pay for forcing yourself on, when you have had a major body trauma that still doesn't sound as if it is healed. Good luck to you; as others have said, dig those heels in and remember 'No' is a very powerful word.

'desperately'.

You are not being the least bit unreasonable. He is! How you even bothered to make a Xmas cake and put up decorations I can't imagine. Don't go even though the money will be wasted. Your husband sounds totally selfish. I hope he has been more caring during the recovery from your back injury.
I feel every sympathy for you.

We are not islands, depression is catching. Take the suggested antidepressants as previous posters have suggested (Valium and Lithium are not antidepressants). It is too soon to the event to expect your mood and pain to have been changed. Ask your husband to take someone in your place. When you can think more clearly think of an event you would enjoy and discuss with your husband this as a treat and a milestone. One good thing at 7 stone you can choose some beautiful clothes at dress size 6 or 8 model size clothes. An unfortunate
sign of depression is social avoidance, anhedonia, lack of appetite and introspection. He may be trying to cheer you?

I would just say l am not going, and to OH say l will not be emotionally blackmailed by your sighs etc. Get the meds of your doctor too they may help you cope. Good luck

Your partner has clearly bought these tickets with the best of intentions. If you have been unwell for a prolonged period, it not only has been difficult for you but him also. I would imagine he hoped these tickets would be the start of a more cheerful period in your lives.
On the clothing front, if you have lost weight buy something new. This need not be expensive. I get party items on ebay. I just look for brands which I know suit me and save lots on the cost of new items.
I really think you should slso condider the anti-depressants too. I had a serious back problem and was prescribed them and they really helped me sleep, which made me feel so much better as a whole.
In essence, try to remember that there are two of you in this relationship who need to be happy. You have had a horrible year. The event is some way off and you will hopefully be further down your recovery road by then and things will be looking brighter.

I think there is also the possibility that your husband has had real problems dealing with the seriousness of your injury and is frightened at the thought of you not being well enough to get back to how everything was before. He maybe can't stand the thought of you being in pain and/or has no confidence in his ability to look after you properly if you don't get back to full fitness. He may therefore be in a sort of denial about it and his fears/guilt make him walk out the room when you try to discuss things. If he won't sit down and have a proper discussion, I think you need to find a close friend of his who will talk to him, get him to go to a counsellor with you or even put it all in writing to him ( without getting angry if possible).
In the meantime, you shouldn't feel obliged to go to something that will be physically, mentally or emotionally too difficult for you and certainly won't be a treat.
Hoping and praying for healing of your back and that you and your husband come through this experience stronger and closer.

At least try the antidepressants. They may help you relax a bit and therefore help reduce the back pain
We all know if you are tense pain seems worse. As for the charity event: how can your weight loss not be noticeable that he doesn't appreciate nothing will fit? Also why does he not k ow you can't stand the other couple? You need to have a serious talk about the whole situation. The charity won't lose out if you don't
go, you've paid for the tickets.

Hi, you try to talk to him -and he goes out of the room. Perhaps you could persevere-so that he is forced to discuss it. He needs to know, that like it or not, this is a massive deal for you. He has piled on the stress by organising this. It may be his way of trying to cheer you up but I suspect it’s more a way of trying to cheer himself up-by pretending that the situation you are in, just isn’t there. It’s fairly immature ...and why on earth has he involved people that you can’t stand? Does he know you don’t like them? If this event feels way too much for you at the moment, it would be reasonable for you to say that you just can’t go. But if there’s part of you that would like to try to enjoy it, explain that to him.....get him on your side....it doesn’t feel like he’s there at the moment, Good luck.

Just say No! Suggest something you might actually enjoy instead, I firmly believe you should be able to say no to events and spending time with people you don’t like except if it’s a special family event. Be firm, and good luck.

If you can’t physically bring yourself to say the words, I suggest you show him your post and the responses you have received. He is clearly completely selfish. Do not do anything you do not want/feel comfortable to do. Your health and well-being is paramount. Do consider your GPs offer of anti-depressants, they may be very helpful in the short term

In pain and dont really enjoy the other couples company, DONT go! Just explain to your husband,he should realise this is not an option in your case.Once you have explained to him you will feel better knowing you dont have to go.Maybe the tickets could be re sold if it is an important event, lots of people would be glad to purchase tickets.
Enjoy the evening at home instead,
Sending hugs.