Christmas nightmare

He doesn’t care about how you feel emotionally or physically. So treat him like wise. Say no and then add the matter will not be discussed any further

Bbarb, referring to your last comment, a compromise sounds ok if it works for you. You need to feel content with your decision...otherwise I think it will hamper your recovery, if you’re too stressed. But you might want to make sure your husband understands clearly what you’re going through-and also maybe you, he, because illness always touches others. If you can have some common ground, I think you’ll feel less stress. Hope you enjoy it if you do go.

This is awful Bbarb, it's hardly any time since the summer, and you still have some healing to get through. Amtriptyline has already been mentioned. It's brill for sciatica, but only your doctor knows if it's for you. As someone else said, not advisable to mix morphine and alcohol, so you would be the only non drinker at the table. Great fun...not. Good luck with getting out of this event. And so sorry to hear how much in pain are some of the other posters. Hugs for your healings

I have never liked new years eve but for years always went out as hubby loved it, even when I had the flu which meant went out and came straight back to crawl into bed. Last year we went out for a meal but were home and in bed by 10.30 bliss. After 42 years of marriage I put myself first for a change. You are not being ungrateful or selfish, not one of us knows the pain you are in. If you cannot say no to going is there not a compromise maybe set a time limit at which point you are very sorry but you will need to go home. I truly wish you the best we always try to please everyone often to our own disadvantage. Take care and I hope you find a solution that suits your needs.

Dear Bbarb, you have an absolute and utter right not to go anywhere or see anyone you don't want to. I think you are afraid of upsetting your husband, and I truly know how that feels. But your health must be your number one priority, and you must work hard on believing you are worth it. I suspect your husband is used to getting his own way - lack of empathy doesn't suddenly appear from nowhere. If you give in, the same thing could happen again next Christmas, and the next. You need support to insist on your wishes, and if there is no friend or family member who can support you (been there too), phone the Samaritans to hear a kind voice and get a virtual hug. It's a very difficult and scary place to be but health must trump people-pleasing, every time. I do hope you manage to find a little peace this Christmas xxx

I think I would say "I'm as sorry and disappointed as you must be, but I simply do not have the strength to go to this party".
Perhaps he can return the tickets and get a refund, or maybe you could offer to telephone the organisers , explaining the circumstances, pointing out that it was an impulsive buy on your husband's part and you are simply not well enough to attend. It is a charity, they should understand.

I don’t have a decent suggestion about the party, sorry. However please do try the anti-depressants as they can be very good for nerve-type pain which I guess is what you are, in part, experiencing with your back. The morphine will work for a different type of pain and you may easily benefit from the combination

The only thing I would say, to be fair to the husband, is the OP might have felt so bad about not wanting to go that she was humming and hawwing and being kind of vaguely negative without ever really saying "oh I am sorry but I REALLY couldn't cope with that yet". If she had come right out and said it immediately, it would probably have been easier to refund the tickets than it is now, and easier to get her something else. Now he's frustrated because he's not quite sure what's going on. I have had many husbands and they all lacked the perception to read between lines - they all needed straight words.

Hi Bbarb. I know how you feel, I to broke my back some years ago but I’m still in pain everyday, I hate complaining because at least I can walk.
I also suffer from Fybromalgia & a few other things.
Please don’t drink on morphine as I have had to as Iv been in so much pain after drinking that Iv fallen asleep while out. Sooo embarrassing.
Ask your gp for diazepam as that loosens up the joints & back it may help you.
Your Husband should be more sympathetic. It makes me so annoyed whe people so close to us don’t even try to understand
As for clothes, why have you lost weight? Have you had it checked out???
There are many cheap website selling very reasonably priced clothes such as Shenin, have a look.
I hope your evening isn’t too bad you may even enjoy it. But go to your gp & explain what’s happening & he or she may understand & help you with another medication
I was traveling long haul & was in so much pain & was going to call it off & lose all my money but my gp came to the rescue.
Good luck xx

Awful predicament

Just say you're not going

I agree with Shelmiss I don't think he is thinking about his wife at all. She has had a major injury, is still in pain and she has already made an effort to prepare for Christmas even though she doesn't feel well. He had booked tickets to go out with people she doesn't even like and won't listen to her when she says she is in pain and tired.
If you don't want to go tell him you really don't feel up to it and suggest he takes a friend or family member instead.
Good luck

I believe that most men are inherently selfish, and thank your lucky stars if you get a good one. If the tables were turned and he had the bad back, what do you think he would do? Correct! He would do exactly as he wanted. Tell him you are not well enough to go and let that be an end to it. If he doesn't like it, tell him to shove the tickets where the sun don't shine.

Humbertbear the dinner might be the most painful bit for her back. Though each person's back pain is different.

Of course most of us feel for you*Bbarb*. The situation is so obviously wrong and totally unnecessary. There is no way you should be making any allowances here. Best of luck with it all.?

Ask him for the money for a new outfit and say you will go but only for dinner and will get a cab home and he can stay on?

Wow!
I rather expected everyone to tell me to stop being selfish, cheer up, stop being an old grouch and try to look as though I'm enjoying it and I probably will once I get there!
I really appreciate all the kindness and empathy from you all. I'm going to have a serious talk with him and perhaps compromise by making an appearance and leaving early. (I think).

Very good advice on all posts here.
Think of your health please so sorry for you I know what pain of a bad back is and it takes a long time to recover.poor you.

It does us good to see a different side to the situation - thank you for that one. It must be equally hard to be ignored when treats are on offer - I'll think about things from your perspective. Thanks.

Well if he can't be bothered to try and understand don't bother explaining it. Try this line "I am not going"!

I agree that you shouldn't go if you feel it's too much for you. However I don't agree with the posters who are calling your husband selfish and without empathy. I'm sure he bought the tickets with the best intentions and thought it would be a lovely treat for you. Best to sit down with him and explain that you're grateful and appreciate his gesture, but you just don't feel well enough to go.

First of all, you need adequate pain relief or referral to the pain clinic by your GP if you haven’t seen them before. Depression and back pain can go together, so please don’t rule out antidepressants. When you broke your back you took the treatment. If you’re broke inside, take the treatment. I hope things improve for you xx

Im sure he probably thought it was a good thing hes done, a little 'surprise' for you,to get you out& about a bit maybe? And doing a charity good deed too- but,he's gone about it wrong as you're not really up to it yet,maybe if you explain you're still in a lot of pain,he could resell the charity tickets,and buy some nice food in that HE can cook for you both as a treat instead?

Tell him you won’t be going and explain why. It seems like he’s only thinking of himself and if he wants to go he can go on his own.

Just tell him straight,i cant go,im in too much pain to sit that long..and dont do or make anything else unless its what you want,just cause he 'likes the season'- in fact if he mentions something,JUST SIGH LOUDLY,then ask him to do it.

Go enjoy it for what it is, a charity do. Go to the charity shop for something to wear and help another charity. Cancer research always have top quality clothes,