Gransnet forums

AIBU

60 years married

(119 Posts)
ExD1938 Thu 09-Jan-20 13:37:17

Is it out of order for us to have a special holiday (just the two of us) instead of throwing a party for our extended families (we both have huge families and would need to hire a hall as our house is tiny).?
My friend says I'm being selfish.

Gymstagran Thu 09-Jan-20 13:41:01

I think you should do as you wish and enjoy a special holiday together. If your friends want to have a party maybe they could fund it and invite you to attend.

3dognight Thu 09-Jan-20 13:44:28

For myself I would have the holiday, but that's because I'm not always that sociable with loads of others, even family.
You never know, someone may put on a 'surprise' party for you on your return?

Congratulations on sixty years married!

TrendyNannie6 Thu 09-Jan-20 13:49:44

No it certainly isn’t out of order it’s a lovely thing to do, 60 years married how wonderful ExD1938. Personally I think your friend is out of order saying that, what does she mean by saying you are being selfish,if you can’t do what you want to do after 60 years when can you, congratulations to you and hope you have many many years together , you have your lovely holiday x

KatyK Thu 09-Jan-20 13:49:46

Congratulations. No not at all. We were married 50 years this year. There was no party or celebration. We had a weekend away by ourselves. Neither of us like being the centre of attention.

tanith Thu 09-Jan-20 13:51:44

I think it’s a wonderful idea ignore the naysayers and enjoy 😉

Oopsminty Thu 09-Jan-20 13:52:21

Your friend is wrong

You go and have a super holiday

Grannybags Thu 09-Jan-20 13:52:57

Congratulations!

We would definitely go for a holiday. The thought of arranging a family party would fill me with dread

Septimia Thu 09-Jan-20 13:59:52

No, not selfish, go and have a lovely holiday.

If your friends and family want to throw a party for you, that's a different matter. But I don't think it's up to you to organise it.

nanaK54 Thu 09-Jan-20 14:00:04

Huge congratulations wine
Holiday definitely

NfkDumpling Thu 09-Jan-20 14:09:02

Congratulations!

We went to Iceland for our 50th - but then did have a bbq for special friends when we got back. Not a big Do though.

If your friend thinks you should have a big family and friends do why isn’t she organising it?

Daddima Thu 09-Jan-20 14:29:04

The Bodach and I always went to Paris on any ‘ special’ birthdays or anniversaries, and never felt at all selfish!

ginny Thu 09-Jan-20 15:41:03

Congratulations!
You should celebrate in whatever way you wish.
If anyone else is so keen for a party perhaps they would like to arrange it.

SirChenjin Thu 09-Jan-20 15:48:27

Congratulations! Here’s to many more happy years together 🍾🥂

Not selfish at all - a special holiday sounds wonderful and as others have said, if your friend feels so strongly about it she can organise one for you.

lovebeigecardigans1955 Thu 09-Jan-20 15:49:13

No, you're not selfish. If your so-called friend wants a party she could arrange one for herself.
I've got a BIL like that. He asked if I was having a party for my last significant birthday and I said no. We've never fussed about birthdays anyway. I certainly wouldn't invite him so that he could get drunk and make a spectacle of himself. It's your celebration - spend it as you wish. Congratulations.

Scribbles Thu 09-Jan-20 15:58:17

I agree with what others have said. If a holiday is what you want, then that's what you should do. Nothing "selfish" about it!

Congratulations on your 60 years together. flowers

Humbertbear Thu 09-Jan-20 16:20:50

If you want a holiday, have a holiday. Your anniversary is for you.

Auntieflo Thu 09-Jan-20 16:21:14

ExD1938, congratulations.
Go ahead and have a lovely holiday.

silverlining48 Thu 09-Jan-20 17:23:06

Like the other posters, if you want a holiday have a holiday. It was our 50 th last year, we had a bit of a do though dh wanted a holiday. The do was hard work, I wish we had had the holiday.

TerriBull Thu 09-Jan-20 17:47:36

Amazing 60 years married many congratulations!

Oh never mind what your friend says, do exactly what you want and enjoy every minute of it flowers

Davida1968 Thu 09-Jan-20 18:15:21

Congratulations - and definitely go for the holiday! It's all about the two of you and it's totally your choice. Not "selfish" at all. (I think it's selfish of your friend to make such a comment: I can only guess that she wants a party because she'd enjoy it!)

ExD1938 Thu 09-Jan-20 18:36:41

Lol, well she is a party animal and I have to say I'm not, I get very tired after 10pm (lightweight {) ) also we haven't had a good holiday together for years although I have been known to take myself away for a week on my own now and then.
Thank you for your encouragement.

sodapop Thu 09-Jan-20 21:08:03

Your friend should butt out, its your anniversary ExD1938 celebrate however you want and enjoy yourselves.
Happy Anniversary thanks

Patsy70 Thu 09-Jan-20 21:20:52

ExD1938. If you can't choose what you would wish to do to celebrate 60 years of marriage, then something is wrong! Go ahead and book your well earned holiday together and have a wonderful time. If your selfish friend wants a party, let her arrange it! Many congratulations to you both. flowers

harrigran Fri 10-Jan-20 07:54:53

I do empathise, we had that kind of pressure for our 50th. I told my sister we would just like it to be the two of us and she said that as family had attended our wedding then they should also be there for the anniversary.
Same sibling made a fuss about my 60th birthday and DH ended up taking the entire family to a hotel for the weekend, I am not a party person.
I think you should have a holiday .