To see nothing wrong in declining this wedding invitation

We made an enormous effort to attend the evening party of a friend’s daughter’s wedding. Drove nearly right across the country.
They had asked for money to finance their honeymoon. We gave a nice round sum, and guess what? 6 months on and never a thank you. I shall not be so generous with my time and money again

I know what MawB mean re feeling like the second eleven. It was actually a memorial service for an old friend. We thought it was lovely until we were all told to go and wait at a hotel until the 'family and close friends' memorial service was over. We just went home.

Oh Jane10 that was hurtful for you in your sorrow. I don’t blame you there.

I would not go in such circumstances. It means a long drive and having to hang around in a strange town.

If I received such an invitation and it was near me so I could drive home for the middle part and it happened to suit me, I might accept the invitation. Then again, I might not.

Evening dos can be a bit of a chore and I wouldn't go if it involved a lot of travelling and hotel costs - by the time you buy an outfit and present - they all want money now.. its too expensive.

Please spare a thought for whoever is paying for the wedding! Not everyone can afford to invite everyone they would like to the whole thing. Go to the ceremony, enjoy the town and buy your own dinner. It’s about the bride and groom so make their day special.

Jura....We just don't have the income to travel around the world. The Antigua wedding would have cost £3000 plus spending money. We couldn't have afforded for DH to go on his own either. It wasn't just the distance. It was the cost.

How well does your sister know the bride and groom ? I suggest sending a nice card and a small gift , along with a polite refusal .

A lot of expense and traveling for a few hours in the evening this happened to me a few years ago I was invited to a what I would of said close friends dd wedding just the evening party by the time I'd paid for bb and travel it was an expensive weekend she even had the nerve to say I couldn't be invited to the day reception as it was an expensive place and costing a lot of money per guest

Happened to me a few years back who I thought was a close friend ...received my invite to her daughters wedding not the ceremony or reception just the night do and would I like to contribute to her daughter’s honeymoon fund ...I made some excuse felt it was a tad rude ...so for me I wouldn’t go Beswitched.

I don’t think it’s rude - more, thoughtless. We were (myself and my daughter’s family) invited to a relative’s wedding last year - in France. Much as we’d have loved to go we couldn’t justify the £2,500 approx it would have cost us for travel (5 of us), hotel and gift.

We did travel 100 miles each way and stay overnight for the bride’s father’s 50th the year before so they know we didn’t decline lightly. And we did send a gift.

I would decline politely but send a gift and wish the bride and groom well.

Times move on.

vampire queen - fair enough. If it was not possible, it wasn't. Just wondered why you posted as it is such a different situation to the OP.

Decline with thanks. Send card and gift voucher. At least you've been remembered. As you're good friends of parents they were likely told by bride & groom how many friends they could invite. It can be tricky as we found out when venues are strictly limited as to how many people are permitted in certain ceremony rooms and the bride & groom, attendants, celebrants etc are Iinc in the count, how many can be seated for meals (especially if they've got a package deal) or, have a lot of relatives or their own close friends. We've had to negotiate this minefield ourselves within recent years & it was an eye opener. Your friends will understand.

If they don’t want to go that’s fine but it might be quite nice to visit a different town and go for a nice lunch some where in the town have a look around and meet friends in the evening.

I don't understand why people spend such a lot on a one day party, and then complain they can't save for a deposit on a house. When I got married, xx years ago, it was me and my (now) ex who paid for it, not either of our parents.

I agree with everything Beswitched said. It's incredibly rude to leave guests to fend for themselves while a select few are fed and watered. Tell them thanks but no thanks.

We were invited to friend's daughter's evening do, locally, and chose to go to the church so we felt part of their day. I'd heard all the ins and outs of the organisation for months as I saw my friend a lot during the working week. She apologised for not inviting us to the whole do but numbers and cost meant they couldn't invite everyone. I quite understood and took no offence at all.

The wedding that did bug me though was the invitation to the church, then not to the drinks, canapés and photos, but come to the meal a few hours later.
It was local, but pouring with rain. We all went home to hang around and returned in good time to find everyone seated and already eating. We were told to find our own seats but I insisted on being escorted to them, turned out I was sitting next to the bride. She was mortified and had told the hotel not everyone had returned, but they said they wanted to crack on so the staff could get off!

It's a bit where you are in the hierarchy I think. My days of feeling uncomfortable and somehow unworthy are gone. We have done this on the basis of it's nice to be invited at all, we care about the family even if they care slightly less about us and its thoughtless and hurtful, but I won t do it anymore. I'd send a card and lively present and wait to see the photos.

My husband and I were invited to a wedding and the ceremony was at 11am then the evening meal etc was from 8pm which meant that we had a 7 hr wait.
Also it would have meant an hours journey there then back home then go back then back home nope not for us.
Suffice as to say we declined and told them why.

The reception is usually just for family and very close friends...sit down meals are very expensive. You ard friends of brides parents not of the bride and groom anyway. This kind of invite is fairly common. It would not be rude to decline because of the distance.

Lovely...

Personally I am never going to go to a evening do at a wedding ever again. The first lot of guests are merry and drunk before the next tier get there. No No . The music is blaring....I think a sit down do, listening to the ‘how’ and ‘why’ the Groom and Bride met..is the interesting bit.
I think a polite letter declining, is in order. Send a nice card...money and dignity is then saved.

I have never heard of split weddings, but it would suit me!
We have been invited to the evening do of a son of a friend. My son is groomsman. Our journey involves 5hr drive, ferry and cost of our stay. It is an opportunity to see my 2 and 5 grandchildren, but I would more like to go to the wedding ceremony to see my son in action! Anyone think it would be rude/cheeky to ask that question?

The cynic in me wonders how many of these ‘wonderful’ weddings that take years of planning, arguments, organisation, not to mention the huge costs, actually stand the test of time.

It seems very weird to me. First thought was that if it was someone I was fussed about then I might go to either the ceremony or the party but not both; but then I thought that this sort of invitation really shows how little they think of me so I would probably feel a tad insulted and not bother!!