Partner has pics of ex wife on Facebook

I really wouldn’t stress over this. They’re just pictures, and he’s chosen to be with you. He can’t just erase a whole life he had before you, as there are children and grandchildren who he will still love dearly. If you push it too much, you could end up being the picture of his ex! Just enjoy what you have now.

I am so sorry you feel insecure in your new relationship. You mention trying to keep him. You need to concentrate on yourself, go to counselling, but remember you are a strong woman. He is lucky to have you. I know it's hard but try not to focus on his relationships with others. Carry on with your own life and building self confidence and these things will not upset you so much

Endless and AG thanks for understanding and the pragmatic advice. I know some people have been very harsh but I’m already beating myself up inside about feeling this way as I do know the repercussions yet still relentless in my self-sabotage. It’s good to know that whilst people may not agree they still have empathy and kindness.

@Mambypamby
My younger self identifies with you......I used to be very insecure in my relationships with men (father who left when I was 5, I had been a daddy’s girl etc) it took many years to realise I was continually looking for signs of rejection in my relationships. So I would push and push for reassurance that I would not be left again. If I sensed I might be “abandoned” I promptly left the relationship, by doing so I “left him before he could leave me!” Over and over again. Eventually a very wise person pointed this out to me and it was such an “Aaaah!” moment. Your past can influence your future in so many ways..... don’t let it ruin this relationship for you. It took me many years to get past the feeling of being an abandoned child that was inside me. It sounds silly at the age of 70 to say that, but it’s true. I hope you find peace and comfort in your new relationship.

My parents divorced when I was 11 in the early 1970s so of course we’ll before social media. I now have no photos of my father as they were all destroyed when my parents separated. It may be hard to see but, if I understood your message correctly, your husband and his ex wife are still mum and dad to their children. Having the photos out in that way ensures that the children can still talk about Mum and Dad. I was not given that luxury and have since lost touch with all my dads family.

I'm with notanan2 - for goodness sake what are you so afraid of? That she'll come back and steal him? Presumably you too had some sort of existence before he came along so leave him along and stop being so controlling!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

As someone who is in a second marriage I would say you can’t erase the past. My husband has photos of his ex wife. I do not let it bother me. It’s ok not to be happy with them, but I would just ignore them.

I understand how you feel and rightly so. I would feel the same. How about thinking it is the 'friends' who have a problem, because they do. It is extremely insensitive and they will know this. They could easily remove them. It seems to me that facebook is so often used as a 'bullying' tactic and as a tool to cause hurt, pure and simple. Stop using facebook and tell your husband as to why you are doing this. See if he himself actually does something about it. Refuse to have any photos of you and or your husband put up by anybody on facebook. Such a shame as facebook was started as a good idea for students to communicate with each other. Why is it horrible people have to always abuse something that started out as a good thing?

OP, I do think you are being over-sensitive. We all have our little buttons and it sounds as if you know that yours are being pushed here and that you want to address some issues in counselling. Good luck

Start by telling yourself how very lucky he is to have you!

Thank you - I needed to hear this and maybe to practice a little self love

And - yes - a massive part of it is fear of rejection - reject before being the rejected. Buttons are definitely being pushed. I am getting so much relief from your replies. Even the harsh ones. Thank you.

Why are they even posting intimate pics on facebook? Or didn't you meant that sort?

Why are they even posting intimate pics on facebook?

Theyre not. The OP says theyre from events/festivals.

They’re not intimate as in sexual they’re pics where they’re at a festival and lying next to each other in a tent just the two of them - no others in the pics. Hence I felt a bit queasy about it. Admittedly - she looks totally bored (unbeknownst to him she was having an affair at the time) and he looks oblivious - it’s the closeness which looks intimate and their positioning against each other. We are not talking about a dinner and dance or party where they are in a group setting. I have a fertile imagination that does not serve me at times.

In surprised his friend hasn't filtered out those ones.
I certainly would think twice before putting them up, simply because they aren't necessary, and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone.

I think if he has children you have to accept photos of their mother , sorry ?

Miss Adventure why would the friend go back through previous uploads and "filter" them?

They cant have been alone in the tent unless the tent took and uploaded the picture

Why wouldn't they?
I would be happy if my friend was in a new relationship, and I would consider whether it could be hurtful to someone newish on the scene.

Some of us have been a bit harsh but it is done I believe with good intentions. A sort of tough love. Try and believe in yourself and stop looking at Facebook.

MissAdventure

Why wouldn't they?
I would be happy if my friend was in a new relationship, and I would consider whether it could be hurtful to someone newish on the scene.

So you'ld scroll back through all past events every time any friend got a new partner to "filter out" pics of old partners?
Every time?
Even if it was your wedding pic or an important sentimental memory?

Maybe that festival trip meant a lot to the friend or most likely it simply wouldnt occur to them to go back and edit their albums just because their friend got a new girlfriend!

You realise the pic is from over a year ago Miss Adventure?

Why would it even occur to them to go back that far and edit out the ex?

Possibly it wouldn't occur to his friend, but it would occur to me.
I'm kind that way.
As for scrolling around, it all sounds far too much like hard work to me, so I'm glad I dont use Facebook.

FB is the pits. But maybe posting pics of the two of you enjoying your life together will help make the others less visible.

My S-I-L posted a nice happy couple pic of my DH and his ex-wife when we had been married for about 3 years. She just plucked a "happy couple" pic out from years before scanned and posted it to FB. She is no longer on our FB friends as she doesn't seem very good with boundaries

The OP wouldnt have ever seen the pics had she not scrolled back to pictures of more than a year ago, before she came on the scene. Unless they are reshared as a memory the old ones wont just pop up on her news feed! She had to go looking for them...

Notanan he asked me to scroll through his Facebook to see what is visible as he intentionally removed her pics without my requesting it - he wanted to see what his profile looks like externally as he untagged and unfriended her - absolutely off his own bat nothing to do with me - he told me about it after he’d done it and without my knowledge or request. He wanted me to check it had been done. I actually forgot all about it for days then it suddenly came to mind to do it. I told him what I saw. It felt churlish to say he hasn’t done a very good job. He hasn’t said he won’t remove them - it’s me who feels bad basically saying if he’s going to do it, might as well do it properly!