To move or not to move, advice needed.

I sincerely hope that you are both well.
You need to have a bungalow,it is terrible to feel trapped and to lose your independence.
Your daughter would surely be able to buy one if as wealthy as she seems to be.
You know what you need to say and do.
I am sincerely thinks of you, good luck.
Just don't make yourself I'll worrying about it.

Take care of yourself
You dont need an uphill battle, which is what having you DD as landlord became x

Who sorry, Borntosew, I hope the move goes well, I know it must be so hard being so let down, by your own daughter, unfortunately this happens often. If you have the money pay for all the care and help you can.?

Now that the deadline has passed, I hope you now have the peace of a decision reached and, whatever, your daughters response (or not). You can now see the way forward and can move somewhere that makes your life comfortable.

Thank you all for the support and good advice. A further week has gone by during which time our back neighbour complained to the Council about the two foot high grass in the backyard, my daughter ignored our request to borrow her rider mower so my husband could try to cut it, one side neighbour came to see us and brought his own rider mower and spent two hours cleaning it all up out of the kindness of his heart. My daughter only commented 'great!' when I told her, even though it was to her that the Council made a request to cut the grass. So yesterday I wrote to her, told her again that we were not coping, that we needed her husband and herself to work out a timeframe and a plan to get everything done. I said we felt we had lost control of our lives, and needed their support to get back on top again. They haven't responded. I gave them till tonight to respond, but in the meantime we have made enquiries both here and where we lived before about suitable houses to move to. I shall not approach them again if we don't hear back, we shall just quietly move away and resume our lives. It is very sad, and I am deeply upset but every time I dwell on it my heart plays up since my heart attack which is five months ago now. I feel we can get back to where we were if we are strong, and in another 6 hours my time limit for their response will be up, and we'll go full tilt at finding somewhere else.

My immediate thought was the same as practically everyone else on here, that your daughter and husband’s primary concern was how profitable the house would be for them in the future.

Sadly they didn’t consider your needs at all in buying this property, so you need to have firm words with them about how best to go about finding you a bungalow or ground floor apartment.

A very sad situation.

It seems to me that right from the start your D and her H knew exactly what they wanted to do, even what house they wanted to buy and went ahead and did it. They were not remotely interested in your needs. Just thought it would be convenient to have you as the tenants and on their doorstep and not have to travel so far to visit.

Treat them the way they treated you. Go out and find yourself a suitable property where you are or back where you came from and where you probably have friends. Then hand your notice in and relocate.

They did not listen to you. Why should you take any notice of them?

I would talk to your dd and explain it is not working out and need to move

Oh dear, this is horrible, how could they think you'd be ok? You need to sit them down and tell them straight, how difficult it is for you. Good luck x

My DD has just returned from living in Queensland and I’ve seen the different types of houses there and to be honest majority of them are bungalows so I would have thought it would have been easy to get what you wanted.
However as others have said they have bought the best house for there investment hence the amount of land.
Now to get around the problem I think I would approach it by saying “ we really appreciate what you’ve done for us with the house however it’s not working for us we are not able to move around it due to the stair issue”. Then say our options are we move out to something smaller that we can manage or can we get a date for when the ramps can be put in, cos I’d like to be able to enjoy this lovely house but at the moment in my poor health it feels like a prison....... then see what they say.

Good advice here as usual. Work out if you can afford to rent in a more suitable building elsewhere. Once you know that, adapt the advice given here, to negotiate with the family, to get what you want and need. Good luck.

I don't really have too much to add that hasn't already been said but I am sorry for how difficult this situation must be for you and your husband.

Will the rent you pay now cover open market rent for somewhere more suitable? If so, move, ASAP. Staying and "fighting" for what was promised will just affect your health and exhsust you

If you cant afford to move and are stuck then you've gotta go hand in cap begging for the alterations. I think you should avoid this scenario if you can. It will damage family relations and wear you out!

Do you have to rent from them? Could you find somewhere nearby which was more suited to your needs? We rented one of our properties to family and decided, never again. They had always lived in military properties and had kept them perfect. When it came to ours, they virtually wrecked it. We didn't say much but we were relieved when they moved out!

You don’t need ramps you need lifts, they are of course more costly and are a compromise anyway. The best solution would be a retirement bungalow or apartment with proper provision for your needs

Seems that your daughter lost sight of the reasons for your move. Not that uncommon for children to not want to acknowledge that their parents are ageing. Is the wealth jointly owned by your daughter and her partner? Is there any likelihood that he isn’t as keen to help as she is?

If you are paying them rent then perhaps give notice that you will have to move as this property is unsuitable. Even with various ramps it would be hard work. If you can reach an agreement would lifts work rather than ramps?

Do you have organisations such as Age Concern who could help you to negotiate with your family or help you find a bungalow or ground floor flat?

Oh dear how sad, it's difficult to know what to say tbh.

You've been living 100km away so haven't ever been an immediate consideration until your circumstances changed. They perhaps have no appreciation how vulnerable you feel.

To be charitable, it sounds like they are a very busy family trying to keep everything afloat but haven't really thought through your needs.
Have they even been round to assess what you can and can't do? Could they, or you arrange for an Occupational Therapist to visit ?
...Do you have social services over there that might assist or come out and assess you in your home?

...Or perhaps invite them for Sunday lunch to discuss the limitations of the property and in preparation make a list of adjustments that need doing.
...Ask if they would like you to source and obtain quotes from contractors.. that can be done via traders websites.

Are you paying a fair rental or are they treating you as caretakers for an investment property?
Possibly you could rent a suitable property anywhere - contact local Estate agents to get onto mailing lists.
Alternatively, if they are thinking of subdividing the garden, could they level apart of it and site a Residential Park Home for you. They can be bought immediately, from the manufacturers, kitted out and decorated so nothing for you to do. Best of luck.x

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Im with Carly D. There is no way I would be staying in a house where I was a prisoner. You stipulated what was suitable, what on earth were they thinking. Sadly, they sound like many families. Alot of promises but nothing ever done.

Thank them and tell them how hard things are. They are wealthy and probably have high powered careers trying to keep it all afloat. Just be honest.

Yes, bought for a good investment rather than what suits you, I'm afraid. Sounds like it's time to start contacting estate agents in the area - to get an idea of what is available for how much. Then, call a family meeting and explain that the property is totally unsuitable for you and detrimental to both of your healths, and you fear that you will need to move out unless ramps are fitted immediately. That will either galvanise them into action or it won't. Either way you'll know. And YES your sons are far away but you are still their parents - they need to give you both support, in whatever way they can. These days, geographical distance is not an excuse for doing nothing.

I agree with others who have suggested this is an investment for your daughter and family. Quite a heartless one sadly. They sound totally wrapped up in their own lives and probably have forgotten all the adaptations they promised.
If I were you I would get quotes from reputable professionals who can make the ramps etc that you desperately need as well as gardeners.
Send these to your daughter reminding her pleasantly of your difficulties and saying these companies can start on the modifications immediately; you appreciate how busy she is so have gone ahead yourselves to save time; you will arrange to send the invoices directly to them.
I think it would be a shame to risk falling out with them whilst you are so vulnerable and may need them on side if health matters deteriorate. Putting these modifications in place immediately will give you the time you need to find somewhere more suitable for your needs.
All the best. X

This is awful and I understand if you feel hostile towards them, which is what I’m sensing. I would urgently discuss it with them....if you don’t like the response, for the sake of your physical and mental health, I would move to somewhere you want to be. Good luck.

praying for you, I am otherwise speechless.. hugs for you also if you are not averse to hugs

I'd write a letter, no actually I'd show them this. It says it all. Having a conversation when you're this I'll could destroy you if it goes the wrong way. I agree with the above, it's their investment and they've used you as easy tennants