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AIBU

To move or not to move, advice needed.

(35 Posts)
jaylucy Mon 10-Feb-20 10:19:08

Sorry, but this house first and lastly is an investment, not a home for the parents, one of which has severe health problems. What part of "no stairs/steps" does your daughter and partner not understand?
I think that you need to be straight with them and tell them that you will be moving and why. What happened to the house that you were previously living in ? Was it sold and the proceeds used to pay for this house? If that is the case, more consultation with you should have been done- not difficult to send photos or videos in this day and age.
Suggest that you and your husband look around for a unit , maybe in a retired complex , even if it means that you have to rent.

RonsGranFranksGran Mon 10-Feb-20 10:15:20

Tell them you need a bungalow. They are wealthy. They won’t lose out on the unsuitable property. One word. Bungalow.

Ellianne Mon 10-Feb-20 10:08:42

On a practical level the house they chose does sound as though it would let easily. Tell your family to do just that and pay for you to rent somewhere more suitable with the money. Give them a list of what you want or don't want, adaptations being unacceptable to you.

Marilla Mon 10-Feb-20 09:05:15

I agree with you Juliet. Not harsh, but true!

Juliet27 Mon 10-Feb-20 09:01:21

Sounds to me as though they were just feathering their own nest. Buying what would suit them as an investment not what was suitable for you...or is that rather harsh?

Marilla Mon 10-Feb-20 08:54:26

This is a terribly sad situation. Can’t your daughter see how distressing the move has been for you and your husband?
You haven’t been outdoors since the move and your dear husband is exhausted.
Call her today and don’t accept any excuses. Find the energy to TELL her exactly how life has become and all the practical problems associated with the house.

As others have suggested, you need to contact social services and find out what advice and help can be given.

I would definitely begin to look on line and see what other rental accommodation is out there. Don’t let anyone else make that decision for you. You and your husband need to choose where you live.

Do let us know how things progress.

Humbertbear Mon 10-Feb-20 08:21:34

I agree that you should sit down with the family and explain the situation but I wonder if you have the same sort of Social Services that we have in England? If you do, they might install ramps for you. I hope you can get this sorted out soon.

mumofmadboys Mon 10-Feb-20 08:06:54

Perhaps your family don't realise how difficult you are finding things. Tell them you are sorry but at the moment this house is not suiting you at all. Make a list of things which will need to be sorted for it to be suitable. Tell them you are grateful for all their help so far. Hope things sort themselves out.

Yehbutnobut Mon 10-Feb-20 07:46:59

Sit down with family and tell them what’s what. Then depending on their reaction, decide.

Borntosew Mon 10-Feb-20 06:58:08

My husband and I are 79 and 75 respectively. We were renting a lowset villa some 100 kms away from our daughter, but last year I had a heart attack and two cardiac arrests and only just survived. My daughter suggested they bought an investment house near them that we could rent from them (they are quite wealthy). We agreed, and were told to choose a house. I was quite unwell and unable to travel to inspect houses, so I made one condition, that I couldn't do steps, then left it to them. They kept choosing highset houses, then decided on a split level, because it has large grounds that can be subdivided later. They moved us here with promises of ramps, and other assistance. We have been here a month, nothing has been done, and I haven't been outside because I cant climb the stairs to come in. We have 2 steps up to the bedroom. 10 steps up to the front door outside, 11 steps down leading to the back door, and quarter of an acre garden which we can't maintain. It has taken since last May to get this far. We are destroyed healthwise, get virtually no help or visits from the family with three teenage boys, and don't know where to turn. Do we confront, just accept it, or just find somewhere and move out. I am very ill, and my fit and healthy husband is completely exhausted going up and down stairs. We are only just surviving and have no one else to help as our two sons live too far away. Can you advise us? We are in Queensland Australia.