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To move or not to move, advice needed.

(36 Posts)
Borntosew Mon 10-Feb-20 06:58:08

My husband and I are 79 and 75 respectively. We were renting a lowset villa some 100 kms away from our daughter, but last year I had a heart attack and two cardiac arrests and only just survived. My daughter suggested they bought an investment house near them that we could rent from them (they are quite wealthy). We agreed, and were told to choose a house. I was quite unwell and unable to travel to inspect houses, so I made one condition, that I couldn't do steps, then left it to them. They kept choosing highset houses, then decided on a split level, because it has large grounds that can be subdivided later. They moved us here with promises of ramps, and other assistance. We have been here a month, nothing has been done, and I haven't been outside because I cant climb the stairs to come in. We have 2 steps up to the bedroom. 10 steps up to the front door outside, 11 steps down leading to the back door, and quarter of an acre garden which we can't maintain. It has taken since last May to get this far. We are destroyed healthwise, get virtually no help or visits from the family with three teenage boys, and don't know where to turn. Do we confront, just accept it, or just find somewhere and move out. I am very ill, and my fit and healthy husband is completely exhausted going up and down stairs. We are only just surviving and have no one else to help as our two sons live too far away. Can you advise us? We are in Queensland Australia.

Juicylucy Mon 10-Feb-20 20:27:42

My DD has just returned from living in Queensland and I’ve seen the different types of houses there and to be honest majority of them are bungalows so I would have thought it would have been easy to get what you wanted.
However as others have said they have bought the best house for there investment hence the amount of land.
Now to get around the problem I think I would approach it by saying “ we really appreciate what you’ve done for us with the house however it’s not working for us we are not able to move around it due to the stair issue”. Then say our options are we move out to something smaller that we can manage or can we get a date for when the ramps can be put in, cos I’d like to be able to enjoy this lovely house but at the moment in my poor health it feels like a prison....... then see what they say.

angie95 Mon 10-Feb-20 21:16:57

Oh dear, this is horrible, how could they think you'd be ok? You need to sit them down and tell them straight, how difficult it is for you. Good luck x

Hithere Tue 11-Feb-20 03:17:46

I would talk to your dd and explain it is not working out and need to move

M0nica Tue 11-Feb-20 15:12:52

It seems to me that right from the start your D and her H knew exactly what they wanted to do, even what house they wanted to buy and went ahead and did it. They were not remotely interested in your needs. Just thought it would be convenient to have you as the tenants and on their doorstep and not have to travel so far to visit.

Treat them the way they treated you. Go out and find yourself a suitable property where you are or back where you came from and where you probably have friends. Then hand your notice in and relocate.

They did not listen to you. Why should you take any notice of them?

JenniferEccles Tue 11-Feb-20 15:58:32

My immediate thought was the same as practically everyone else on here, that your daughter and husband’s primary concern was how profitable the house would be for them in the future.

Sadly they didn’t consider your needs at all in buying this property, so you need to have firm words with them about how best to go about finding you a bungalow or ground floor apartment.

A very sad situation.

Borntosew Sun 16-Feb-20 04:32:36

Thank you all for the support and good advice. A further week has gone by during which time our back neighbour complained to the Council about the two foot high grass in the backyard, my daughter ignored our request to borrow her rider mower so my husband could try to cut it, one side neighbour came to see us and brought his own rider mower and spent two hours cleaning it all up out of the kindness of his heart. My daughter only commented 'great!' when I told her, even though it was to her that the Council made a request to cut the grass. So yesterday I wrote to her, told her again that we were not coping, that we needed her husband and herself to work out a timeframe and a plan to get everything done. I said we felt we had lost control of our lives, and needed their support to get back on top again. They haven't responded. I gave them till tonight to respond, but in the meantime we have made enquiries both here and where we lived before about suitable houses to move to. I shall not approach them again if we don't hear back, we shall just quietly move away and resume our lives. It is very sad, and I am deeply upset but every time I dwell on it my heart plays up since my heart attack which is five months ago now. I feel we can get back to where we were if we are strong, and in another 6 hours my time limit for their response will be up, and we'll go full tilt at finding somewhere else.

M0nica Sun 16-Feb-20 07:36:22

Now that the deadline has passed, I hope you now have the peace of a decision reached and, whatever, your daughters response (or not). You can now see the way forward and can move somewhere that makes your life comfortable.

Sparkling Sun 16-Feb-20 18:01:10

Who sorry, Borntosew, I hope the move goes well, I know it must be so hard being so let down, by your own daughter, unfortunately this happens often. If you have the money pay for all the care and help you can.?

notanan2 Sun 16-Feb-20 22:42:37

Take care of yourself
You dont need an uphill battle, which is what having you DD as landlord became x

pengwen Tue 18-Feb-20 22:22:57

I sincerely hope that you are both well.
You need to have a bungalow,it is terrible to feel trapped and to lose your independence.
Your daughter would surely be able to buy one if as wealthy as she seems to be.
You know what you need to say and do.
I am sincerely thinks of you, good luck.
Just don't make yourself I'll worrying about it.