AIBU not to want to look after one year old while parents are abroad for 4 d.

I looked after my GS 2 full days per week at same age. At around 4pm he would start saying “mummy work, daddy work” over and over again in tears. We would both then say “home soon” each time. Me usually with tears too. I would definitely refuse and explain the 4pm thing. As much as a GC loves grandparents, their parents are most important people in their lives. 4 days is a lifetime to a little one.

I would go with them and everyone gets something out of it. 4 days is a long time away from a young baby.i would hate it.lots of good suggestions to ponder over too.

It's not unreasonable to ask if you have looked after several other grandchildren and the overnight stays are part of what you normally provide.

However, you can't agree unless the breast-feeding and co-sleeping has stopped. I know where you are on this as we had my granddaughter for three days a week when DD returned to part-time work whilst still breast-feeding. By 6.30 GD was becoming fretful and waiting for the breast feed and I was becoming anxious for her so we had to re-establish boundaries - there was to be no chatting after work, no shopping - just straight home to feed.

Moreover, you need to specify how long before the wedding the breast-feeding and co-sleeping has to stop because if it's done the week beforehand your grandchild has not had long enough to get into the routine and will have expectations of the co-sleeping certainly.

If your DD doesn't agree than you must refuse and I can understand that she might want to breastfeed for much longer and good luck to her if that's the case - I also have no problem with the co-sleeping either - that's something else that's perfectly natural and healthy although it seems to grate with some people who like to look down on it. In this case, then there's no choice but for you to refuse or to say that you will go with them to the wedding and take care of the little one during the event. That has actually been done in our family and it was entirely unproblematic.

I personally love having my grandchildren stop over. Last week I had my DD's 3 aged 7 & 6 plus their 18 month old sister for 3 nights while my DD went on her honeymoon. The little one is still breastfed, mostly only in the night, but took bottles of cows milk from me. Also she slept in my bed with me, no problems. DD was hoping that she wouldn't want breast milk so much on her return but she was straight back on. I look forward to having them again soon. I want to make the most of my time with them while I still have the energy (I'm 65 this year)

Where are the othet GP's in all this?
Would it be better for you to stay at their house where you could take GC for play dates etc with friends?
I'm guessing that for a few of the days won't involve going to nursery
You do need to think carefully about this but its not insurmountable to do it as long as the feeding/bedtime routine in own bed is established

I have to ask how old the OP is.
If you are my age 74, then I would definitely say no.
I find looking after my four year old grandson, exhausting, to say the least. There is no way I personally could do it for four days.
Much too long for a little one to be left that long. I think he will be confused. He obviously misses his mum, as you say yourself. Waits by the door for her return.
I don’t think it bodes well.

I think it’s unlikely that the BF and co sleeping will have stopped in 3 months time. Your Grandchild’s situation sounds like a carbon copy of ours He’s now 18 months , daughter back at work 4 days and still not completely settled at nursery. We have him once a week.I smiled at the sitting by front door bit as ours does that sometimes- gets his coat and goes to the door . No way could we have him overnight at the moment and certainly not 4. Could you go with them and babysit for the wedding? Sorry if someone else has already suggested that- afraid I skimmed the posts

I've had my grandchildren stay for a week at a time, never even considered it would be a problem. It's good for children to learn that things are different in different houses, ie in a cot at yours. I think it is unreasonable to demand that your daughter stop co sleeping or breast feeding. She has had to go back to work and if these small things give her the closeness she will crave whilst missing being home with him full time, then you should support her decision. Think of it more as an opportunity for you to develop a lovely relationship with your grandchild and less of an imposition put upon you. It could be worse, she could decide she would rather only leave child with the other grandmother and never again you. Do it with a whole heart and enjoy it, dont set conditions.

Another option could be to go with them and look after the baby while they are at the wedding. Less disruptive for mother and baby and bonus a wee holiday for you

Children who are helped to cope with change and challenge grow up to be more resilient adults. You sound more than competent to cope and support if the need arises, so it will be fine even if there are odd wobbles.

Good luck!

Most children take a fair while to adjust to day care and the fact that they have to do without their mum for the length of a working day, but by the time the wedding comes he will have got used to it.

So that excuse won't work if you want out of looking after him while they are away.

How wrong can it go in the course of four nights?

I'm sure DD wouldn't be hostile if I said no- she knows its a big ask and I haven't yet agreed to it - just said I'd think about it. Other GPs are great and really hands-on when around, but live an 8h drive away as opposed to a 6 minute walk. She could ask them to stay as an option, with us as support/backup, which could work, however their work schedule is not easily changed. I will discuss the travelling with them option as well - we are going to have the discussion later this week. Thanks everyone for your thoughts/experiences. Very helpful. I honestly don't think you have to have a 1 year old staying overnight to build a great relationship I'm not worried about that- - the other GC didn't really stay on their own until they were school age, and we do have a brilliant relationship. After all, a baby won't remember who changed its nappy or took it to the park, but they may become insecure and anxious when their primary source of comfort isn't around ( at least thats my opinion and one of the things I'm worried about)

I have the same sort of issues baby is with us 2 days a week. Some days settled others not. Nursery the rest of the week. She has days of being settled in the nursery and days of being unsettled. Sleeps in a cot perfectly well with us. Co sleeps with Mummy and Daddy. Also breastfed are night. We’ve been asked to look after her for a few days whilst DD and Partner go on a business trip. We have said yes. My instinct is to trust her Mummy my DD and if she is confident enough to ask us them I’m going to be confident to embrace the situation and enjoy it. I think we can all worry unnecessarily.

I personally wouldn’t do it, even if they were in this country to be honest. I think it’s too long for such a little one to be left, and that’s without the added problem of the co sleeping and feeding at night. There are so many reasons why they may not be able to get back as well, eg, the weather, flight problems, even the corona virus. Could you go with them? Maybe just one of them could go. When you have a child, they have to take priority.

I would be looking after the grandchild but making sure he is on a bedtime bottle by then. If he wanted to co-sleep in my bed that would be fine as it is only a few nights.

I don't suppose they go to that many weddings that are 4 days long so it is probably a one-off?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. It’s not a family wedding, so essentially, it’s a social event. They are parents now. Life has to adjust accordingly. It’s bad enough for the poor little soul to be adjusting to being left at nursery, without being left, albeit with grandparents, for 4 days. He is too young to have it explained to him after all!

Hell no! They need to put their child before social events. I would be distraught if I had a grandchild who was in distress.

Vegansrock your idea of getting the other grandparents to stay resonates with me.
We are the distant grandparents to our American GC and on a few occasions we’ve looked after GC while DiL and DS have had a couple of nights away.
But DiLs parents live only 10 mins drive away & were available if we needed them & to go out together.
I think it’s better too for GC to be in their own home while their parents are away. I’ve read that most children can cope with one change (g/parents looking after them) as long as everything else remains constant.
Hope it all works out well for you all.

I minded my then 18 month old granddaughter for a week while my daughter and partner went on holiday to Spain. I thought “ piece of cake”, she knows me and I know babies so it will be fine. It wasn’t. Because she was too young to speak she couldn’t tell me what she wanted or what was wrong. Like your grandchild goes and sits by the door and you think he’s trying to tell you he wants to go home. Every night when I put her in her cot she would stand up and cry and point to the door. I didn’t know what was wrong, it was heart-breaking. I didn’t want my daughter to worry so I just did the best I could. I’ve had her stay with me on numerous occasions since then, over the last 11 years ( she’s now 13) and we’ve had sone great times. Would I do it again at 18 months? Definitely not.

I wouldn't take on the responsibility. I am bad enough when daughter only away locally. My granddaughter only wants mummy cuddles when poorly, tired or hurts herself.

I think the best suggestion is go with them and look after im on the day of the wedding.

I say that because this little lad sounds still uncertain and unadjusted to his mother going back to work. Some children are more sensitive than others and actions that one child takes in their stride another finds distressing and he sounds as if he is at the more sensitive end of the spectrum.

Could you do a dummy run at the end of March. Let hour DGS come to you for the day and then stay overnight for one night and see how he copes.

But my preference is still for you to go wherever they are going with them and just have him for a day - and not for the obvious reason.

As a gran who, with the Granddad, looks after grandchildren several days a week may I suggest saying no? We were told breastfeeding was finished except at night only to find out actually wasn't and son's wife was still breastfeeding on demand on days not at work, over 6 months on she's still doing the same thing and I have my grandchild trying to tear my tops off me cos she thinks I can breastfeed her, she's now 14 months old, eats food quite happily but would like the comfort of a breastfeed when tired . I really think saying yes provided breastfeeding and co-sleeping are no longer happening is really risky. If you go away with them purely to look after the GC on the wedding day that's one thing, looking after such a young GC for 4 days with parents away from home is completely different. Tell them you'll happily look after the child once is older for occasional overnight stays but on this occasion they need to make different arrangements. Good luck.

It’s so easy, if you don’t feel up to it tell them ! For me, the fact that they trust you so much to have him for four nights, which is hardly a lifetime, it’s a no brainer, so what if he’s unwell ? What did you do when you’re children were unwell ? Stop worrying, make up some bottles and pop the cot in your room for four nights and enjoy xxxx

No, you are not unreasonable to say no. An unreasonable ask.

I hope you've had the conversation now and made a good decision.

I'm just recalling one hard evening when 2 of us were babysitting several DGC . After a few hours of rocking and pacing the wide awake baby in the buggy, DD phoned and could hear her little one crying in the background so came straight home in a taxi from the hen night. We were both chastised for not calling her back sooner.