AIBU not to want to look after one year old while parents are abroad for 4 d.

I'd normally be happy to babysit at any time, even for an overnighter. However, for four days whilst mum & dad are out of the country I wouldn't be so happy.

I'd definitely suggest going with them though, and I'd pay for myself. That way, they'd be able to enjoy the wedding knowing that baby is well cared for, and not far away. And you'd be able to enjoy the time with your GS without worrying about them being out of the country if there were any problems. Win win situation!

Tell them you do not want to do this as they suggest.

However, you would be happy to travel WITH THEM to the wedding, at THEIR expense, so that they could know that their child was safe.

Ultimately, they shouldn't have had a child if they weren't prepared to look after it. Parenthood has some restrictions.

Well said, Dilly!

It’s a NO from me.

When will adult children learn to take responsibility and not expect to dump their children onto their parents whenever it suits?

I have a friend that has her grandchild 3 nights a week and days too just so her daughter can start work at 8am.
It’s ridiculous. My friend loves her grandchild very much but the constant care has started to affect her health and she looks much older than her 50 years now. She’s dropped all her own hobbies and friends to be an unpaid childminder.
What a life!

Dear vegansrock you must say no if you feel you cannot do it. Since retiring 1 year ago I've had to lay the law down as my Dil took it upon herself to think I had taken early retirement to baby sit every time some thing happened. It was hard but I told her and my DS no. They were a bit taken back at first but now they also include asking her family or taking time off work. I fully appreciate that parents some times need to work as I did, but I do not feel that grandparents should be the ones to become full time carers for grandchildren. I worked full time at a stressful job and feel that I am now allowed to have some me time. My husband and I cared for our children between us, working opposite shifts so one of us was always home to care for family. It wasnt easy, but it ensured children were cared for. Caring for your grandchildren should be on the grandparents terms and not out of guilt, as we do feel guilt ridden at times. I have seen grandparents trying their best when they themselves really look like they need caring. I love my grandsons with all my heart, but I want to spend quality time with them and not start to find them a chore.

Excellently said. Think before you have children as they are not a right Dilly

We had our DGD for a few days at a similar age. If you do have him make sure you get a letter signed by the parents giving you permission to consent to medical treatment incase he needs the doctor or hospital. We took our DGD on a trip to Scotland she loved it.

My brother and his wife had this dilemma last summer. They opted to go to Italy where the wedding was and looked after their grandson on the day of the wedding only. /

Yes get co-sleeping & breast feeding sorted ( surely she will want to give up by then or she may be very uncomfortable after a day or 2).
Prepare him well & plan some treats for him which he can be included in choosing & make it something of an adventure.
With mobile phones he can see mummy & daddy & chat to them so it is not as if they are going to be out of contact.
Children are a lot more resilient than we give them credit for.

Speaking as someone that also breastfed their son until he was 14 months old , your GC will probably only be on the final feed at night now and possibly first one in the morning.
His mum will hopefully be planning on stopping the breast feeding if she is expecting him to be staying with you.
If she has only just gone back to work (however long ago that was) I am not surprised that he is struggling with nursery - he's obviously a little one that takes a while to settle into new situations (as was my son, took him 6 weeks to be happy to be left at pre school) .
I would be more worried if he didn't settle at yours and then asked to have him to stay!
Suggest that you at least have him to stay overnight a few times before you make a decision. Yes, he'll probably get upset and cry but if you set up a routine as close as to what he is used to, either have a travel cot in your room - or ask his parents to buy a cot that you can have one side down right against your bed, and tuck something down the side of the mattress that smells of his mum - an unwashed t shirt for instance, and see how you go.

I had 6 month old DGD to stay for 10 days for various reasons! Parents the other side of the world. I insisted breast feeding stopped in good time. I had shed loads of frozen breast milk in the freezer. It was a bit scary but she was brilliant. I had huge back up with another daughter living close by. It has given me a lifetime of brownie points for the future and I am so close to her.

Say no! Our adult children expect far too much of this generation. If the child isn’t invited ...then they don’t go! End of!

You really need a few trial runs very quickly to see how DGS settles with you for say a couple of nights at a time. Or, can you go with the family and look after DGS while the parents attend the wedding. May enjoy the break!

Last October we looked after our DGD ( almost 4 at the time) and her baby brother (14 months) while my DD and SiL went to New York for 5 nights, as their 10 years since they met celebration. They had asked us months before but by the time it came I was absolutely dreading it! All our friends and work colleagues thought we were absolutely mad! But, you know what? We all survived. DD had stopped breastfeeding and had worked hard to get baby into a good pre sleep routine. DGD often sleeps here so was used to it. Yes she did miss her mum so we made a sticker chart of every part of every day. We took them out when they weren't at nursery to make sure they were really tired by bedtime , even though it was late October and cold. DgD can be a madam and there were times when I felt really frustrated with her. In fact my first ever post here was because of that. But DGS was no trouble. The time passed and finally they came home. Me and DGD made a cake and put up banners and I certainly slept well that night. So discuss weaning and bedtime routines while there is still plenty of time. Then just embrace it. It will pass and even if he cries , it's only four nights, not a lifetime. And there is always calpol'??

On top of the inevitable exhaustion and stress for the OP if the little tot doesn't settle or seems unhappy, there is also the massive responsibility if he should fall ill or even if the OP is unwell. Parents away but in the same country? It can all be put right fairly quickly and without too much effort. However, parents abroad and at the (possible) mercy of a sudden situation which means they can't travel - storms, traffic incidents, illness, strikes, ticketing changes, flight cancellations, port blockades, accidents - could mean an enforced further separation. Can't explain any delays like that to a distressed little child who needs his Mummy. No point in being an Anxious Annie about everything that might but probably won't happen, but that's from an adult perspective. They need to not go/ go and share the care/ or take Mum with them so they can enjoy a 4 day guilt-free holiday.

I had my grandson to stay for a week years ago while his parents went to a wedding overseas.
He was thirteen months old, still in nappies and a VERY fussy eater, yogurt and Weetabix seemed to be his limit.
He also missed his mum terribly and would go to the front door every day and cry bitterly. The whole thing was a nightmare!
At all other times he'd been happy to come to ours for a day or even the odd overnight but this was too much for him, and us.
I'd say no if it were me, or suggest one of the options already suggested, the best one being you go too, although it won't be a holiday if you're the babyminder.
May is only three months away so whatever you decide needs to be organised sharpish.
Good luck.

Go on. Give it a go x

I'd be very unwilling personally, and to those who suggest weaning from breast and bed in that short time, that will only lead to an unsettled distressed baby if he is not ready to do that. Many babies are happiest keeping going with both until they are a lot older. No reason why you couldn't cosleep though
If still breastfeeding mum will have the hassle of pumping and carrying all that equipment and then the worry of should she keep the milk and bring it back, if she goes down with mastitis she will not enjoy the break and the wedding
Would it be possible for you to go and to be there for babysitting duties when needed? You could even stay on a bit after they go home and have a bit of a break on your own, or go a bit earlier, if you are flexible you could get cheaper flights by going midweek which might make it affordable for them to fly you out. Sounds a win win situation to me

I'd ask the questions re breast feeding etc but would definitely say yes. Its 4 days, months away, you've done it all before. Yes quite a treat for the parents but why not be glad for them??

Why not be honest, and talk - talk it through. Be honest, tell them you are concerned about the BF and co-sleeping - and ask them how they intend to work to ensure this won't be an issue, for the child, if not for you- when they go?

I am amazed that people feel they can't talk things through, simply and honestly. I am with Jane10 and I would do it- and enjoy it- but the above need addressing well in advance.

The baby must be able to take a bottle by then.

The other thing you need to consider is if your family are stuck in Spain due to coronavirus? 50,000 in Italy are being prevented from travelling so it would be a concern.

It is easier with an older sibling I feel (as in LizzieAnne's case). We have had a little one once with an older brother who "mummied" him. It made a terrific difference.

OP consider for a moment that the parents might be RELIEVED if you say no!

If some of their friendship group is still child free they might be under enormous pressure to keep doing everything they did before with the group. They might not WANT to go but finding it difficult to say no. "No babysitter" might be the perfect "out" for them!

The care of a one year old is a big responsibility and in my view a one year old, no doubt contrary to opinion, can be unpredictable where words /explanations mean nothing. . It would not be unreasonable to suggest you travel with the parents where you will be able to give the child your undivided attention but should a parent be needed, never say never! this lifts the responsibility /decision making off your shoulders .

We hired a holiday house for a week near my son in law’s sisters wedding venue and the DD, SIL and 3 young children came to us for a few days. On the evening before the wedding the parents left for the wedding venue and we took over the children for the night and day. It all worked well as the kids knew us, we prepared with toys, food etc so no driving needed and the house had a good safe garden for playing. Everyone was happy and when the family drove home we had a rest! Good luck with your planning.