Am I being childish to be hurt by this?

aries63 Happy birthday. It's understandible how upset you are. ?

Giving your health conditions, I don't understand why your family organised such an unsuitable house for the holiday.
Surely knowing that you have difficulty with stairs etc, they should have looked at more accessible accomodation.

In the current situation, you are safer at home. All those people confined in a car, not good. You have had a lucky escape.

Happy Birthday and let all your hurt feelings go. What’s done is done. Just be cheerful when your family see you and they’ll keep coming back.

I can understand you are upset but reading all the problems you have with pain I am surprised you would want to go anyway. I don’t think I would expect my family to live with what you are going through. You were asked and you rightly said no. Does that mean you expect them to be disappointed and not go? I think I would have said I’m sorry I would love to come but due to my conditions I would only burden all of you and want you to enjoy life. When you are in so much pain you are sadly not easy company and can make others feel guilty. Be strong and put your feelings aside and let them enjoy their lives whilst they can before old age can possibly do the same to them.

When I commented to an elderly friend with many and painful health problems that I admired the fact that she always put on a cheerful face for visitors, her reply was that nobody wanted to visit a miserable old woman. I bear that in mind daily.

Thanks for all the kind thoughts.
Please take care and stay safe in these worrying times

Grannyjay the holiday was supposed to be to celebrate *aries63's) 70th birthday.

Yes it’s probably disappointing but I think that most people are going through disappointment at this time. Just because you are 70 isn’t the end of the world! They may have felt their mum was safer at home due to the many ailments she has. They could celebrate when hopefully all this has blown over. Her daughter may have gone because it would have been a big loss in money that was paid. My mother in law ruled the roost putting her needs before all the family because she was old and thought that brought privilege. If it had been me I would have said that I was really disappointed but glad they were able to go. I’m sure aries63 is a lovely lady but she could also take with her that she actually has family that thought about her. I hope she is able to celebrate soon.

I find that , imo, we have forgotten how to communicate correctly.. to avoid upsets

I don`t think you are being childish, I would feel hurt because I couldn`t go, not for any other reason it is so hard letting go of how we used to be, and being involved with our families.

so I do wish we could learn to communicate so there are less misunderstandings, cos this is how I see this...

lack of clarity... I blame texting! (I jest!)

I think that it's more the fact that you are disappointed in yourself and with your medical conditions than your family.
You said that the reason that you didn't go was because you were not well and because of the fact that the bathrooms were upstairs and the fact that you don't sleep well would disturb the rest.
Maybe you just also expected that because you weren't going, that the rest wouldn't? Maybe they found out that they couldn't cancel it so easily or if they did, a deposit would be lost that swung it that they wouldn't cancel?

So sorry you feel hurt by this. You must feel so isolated. I hope your relatives will phone you and reassure you of their love. So often the hurt we endure has been caused by lack of thought rather than by a deliberate wish to offend us. Hope you feel better soon

I just can’t believe they are going away at all. Taking a long weekend away at cottage in Scotland (or anywhere in fact) is a mind blowingly selfish and dangerous thing to inflict on the community who lives there in these “no travel” times.

Sorry you are in such pain. I dothink that at the first opportunity you should get your medication reviewed and see if there is a way to help your irritable bladder calm down.. Perhaps now is the time to google possibilities. My friend with ordinary arthritis has a morphine patch each month which means that she can still do some light housework and drive her car. without it she would be immobile.

Happy birthday.

Aries63 please stay strong, as healthy as possible and safe. I am sorry you didn’t have the birthday you hoped for but feel you need to stop mixing with your family so freely. You did the right thing. They clearly shouldn’t be trusted so keep the 6feet away.
Good luck!
And 70 is only a number. Save the fun over and assuming you and your loved ones get through, celebrate 71 instead.

As a younger Nan still with a parent . I just think they are probably being cautious. There’s so much on tv to say we must self isolate and not visit our older relatives if possible I expect they were worried as there would be quite a few of you together. Why not send a text and say hope they are having a good time and when all this blows over maybe they could arrange something nice for your birthday at a later date ....we’ve postponed lots, even Mother’s Day I got give a bunch of flowers at arms length at the front door and they didn’t stop, but time for that later

Wishing you a happy birthday, nice and safe in your own home. Lots of us are deferring special celebrations because of the outbreak, so next year is going to be fully of jolly catch-up parties. Give yourself permission to be annoyed...then let it go. Think about how you would like to celebrate next time; the where, the how and with whom. Then tell the Family what you have planned.

I understand only too well why you feel hurt.

However, it won't make you feel better, so try to let it go.

Your daugher, if it were she that arranged the trip, could and should have asked you before doing so, if you wanted to go.

She seems to have given you the impression that she would cancel the trip if you didn't feel able to go with them.

She hasn't and is going ahead with it, even although it sounds as if was meant as a birthday present for you.

Healthwise you would be wise not to let any of them into your house, just now.

I know it will do no good, but I would be tempted to tell a daughter of mine who behaved like that how inconsiderate I found her behaviour and that it had hurt me.

I hope you manage to enjoy your birthday, all the same.

I'd have assumed when she said they had 48 hours to cancel, that they were cancelling the whole trip if I didn't want to go, so yes, I would initially feel hurt if it turned out the trip was still on, with other people taking my place.

I think overall I'd feel dreadfully sad and left out, it doesn't matter that you said no when asked, it still means that they're off enjoying themselves and you're not! I doubt very much whether they planned to leave you out deliberately. However, I've been finding out in the last 5 years with arthritis and chronic pain disorder, mobility problems and illness do mean I get left out of quite a lot of things, many of which I wouldn't be able to do anyway, and it does upset me sometimes.

Everyone is supposed to be social distancing anyway. Also they should not be traveling anywhere. Has nobody told them?

Well, thank goodness you didn't go. Why on earth would you want to go anywhere at the moment? Stay at home, stay safe.

I quite agree - 70 is a very significant birthday. How hurtful. I'm constantly taken aback by younger peoples lack of conscience in matters like this. My mum would've been mortified if we'd acted as casually as this.

No you're not being childish - but that's not the issue here. Both Govts have issued very strict instructions to people NOT to travel unless they absolutely have to in order to stop the spread of the virus and to reduce the burden on other community resources and health services.

What on earth was your daughter and her family thinking of?? Selfish, selfish behaviour.

It must be upsetting but sounds as if it has turned out to be a blessing in disguise- at least you will be socially distanced from them!

Tourist areas are being over-run by people getting out of the cities and turning up in their towns and villages, buying scarce food and clogging up hospitals if they take ill. Many tourist areas are not geared up for large populations, and are reluctantly asking visitors to stay away.

I think you should be pleased that you are not adding to this problem, particularly given your age and state of health.

Should you feel hurt? That's not a question the rest of us can answer, other than to say whether we would be upset in the same situation. If you feel hurt, you feel hurt, and there is no right and wrong way to feel (only different ways of dealing with it).

For what it's worth, no, I don't think that I would expect my children to cancel something because I couldn't go, although I would be hurt if they didn't replace the trip with another, more suitable gift. I would be annoyed with them for not cancelling at a time like this, however, but that's a different thread, and I completely understand that we are not responsible for how our adult children behave.

Dear aries 63 I know how you feel having had similar. Let it go sweetheart you have more than enough to contend with.
I wish you Many Happy Returns ??
Take care and stay safe X

Wishing you a ?????Happy Birthday Aries ????? I wish you a happy, healthier, safe and peaceful year.
I think your hurt is understandable - they were dishonest and selfish. But maybe I would not have agreed on the first place.
If they normally do a lot for you and take care of you then maybe let it go.
Having said that I’m a lover of honesty so I would write a text (and have done so when hurt) saying ‘I’m hurt , I’m very disappointed , I feel you were not honest , and I feel you were unkind to me, love mum’ I would never tell them what they should should not do only I how I feel.