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AIBU

Am I being childish to be hurt by this?

(65 Posts)
aries63 Sat 21-Mar-20 04:44:29

I am 70 this weekend. At the beginning of the year I was told I was being taken away for a long weekend to a cottage in Scotland. The next morning I got a text from my daughter asking if I was wanting to go because they had 48 hours to cancel. I am in pain 24 hours a day through arthritis, cervical spondylosis, HMS, and others so reluctantly I said no to it.
Nothing else was said and I wondered why my grandsons were coming to see me during the week with their presents even when I said I`d see them on Saturday, nothing was said.
It was on Friday morning my daughter texted to say they`d be down at lunch time, I asked if she meant tomorrow to be told that they were still going away to the cottage along with my 2 grandsons and their girlfriends.
The more I think of this the more it hurts, so gransnetters am I being chidish?

SueH49 Sat 21-Mar-20 05:03:11

It would have been nice of your family to tell you they still intended going away and IMO they should have done so. However, as you refused the invitation I do think you are being a little childish to be hurt that they are still going.

mumofmadboys Sat 21-Mar-20 05:35:33

Perhaps they decided to go for their own pleasure and invited you thinking it would be a lovely birthday treat too. It would have been risky being in a car with family for a long drive anyway at this time. I think you should let it go and be glad that the rest of the family want to spend time together. Enjoy your birthday however you spend it and hope you keep well

aries63 Sat 21-Mar-20 06:17:07

Just to clarify things, this was arranged for my birthday.
I do not get more than 2 hours sleep at a time , I wake up in pain and have to eat something before I can take painkillers or I will be sick. The painkillers take up to 1 hour to work so I lie on a heat pad for the pain in my jaw and neck and have a hot water bottle at my back, this is my day even while the painkillers work I am restricted in moving I use a walking stick. I also have an overactive bladder and the 2 bathrooms were upstairs and because of sacroilitis I take ages to get up the stairs.
If she had not texted the next morning and asked if I was fussed about going and that she could cancel it no problem, I would have went and struggled on. I knew I would disturb everybody because I am up and down all night and they have a dog so you can imagine what would have happened. I did not want to disturb their sleep.

leyla Sat 21-Mar-20 06:18:15

They should not be going themselves. We are supposed to be social distancing. What are they thinking!!

BlueBelle Sat 21-Mar-20 06:21:39

How can you be going away if we re all in lockdown I m amazed the trip is still on I looked at the date thinking this must be an old thread rejuvenated
If it was normal times I d say they planned a trip around your birthday expecting you to be part of it (that’s lovely) you decided against it (Your choice) but why shouldn’t the trip go ahead anyway it sounds to me as if the planned trip although around your birthday wasnt actually FOR your birthday so yes in answer to your question you are being a bit silly about this you ve had cards and presents aand visits and an invite of your family and grandkids .....One lucky lady
I m still intrigued to know how these visits are all happening my family are only seeing me at the garden gate and face time I thought that’s what we were mostly all doing
Have a lovely birthday You have a lot more than many

Pikachu Sat 21-Mar-20 06:47:38

Yes, you can allow yourself to feel hurt but it’s only a weekend. But holding onto that feeling will not help you and might even make you ill.

Oopsadaisy3 Sat 21-Mar-20 07:27:22

Sorry but you are being unreasonable, they invited you and you refused.

The situation has changed so much since they booked, so you really shouldn’t be going anyway, like others I’m surprised that they are still going.
You have been visited by your family, this is also something that shouldn’t have happened given your age and health problems.
Please don’t begrudge them their time away, it might be their last for a long time.
Look after yourself and try not get bitter about it, these are extraordinary times and many GNers aren’t able to see their family at all.

mande Sat 21-Mar-20 07:44:34

I don’t think you are being unreasonable to be hurt. Especially as your daughter didn’t inform you that they would be going whether you went or not!
Though I think they’re being reckless going away together when we’re all supposed to be social isolating. You’re the only wise one!
And I’m sorry to hear that you have so much pain. God bless you. x

BlueBelle Sat 21-Mar-20 08:10:19

I m amazed that the grandsons visited you children and teens are the carriers I don’t want to be judgemental but your daughter isn’t being very responsible or thoughtful but not in the way you mean

aries63 Sat 21-Mar-20 08:20:42

I only saw 1 grandson, I was at the hospital the day one of them wanted to visit, I said I`ll see you on Saturday anyway.He like everyone else never let on they wouldn`t be here.

GrannyLaine Sat 21-Mar-20 08:22:38

THIS is the significant part
I was told I was being taken away for a long weekend to a cottage in Scotland
The OP didn't say she was 'invited to join them' on a weekend away and 70 is a significant birthday. I would have expected them to have another think and plan something just right for you. Notwithstanding recent events, I have every sympathy, I would be very hurt too aries63. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with so much pain flowers

sodapop Sat 21-Mar-20 08:25:46

Much like other posters I think its unreasonable to feel hurt when you were invited but turned it down. I don't understand why your family are continuing with this holiday unless UK restrictions are not as stringent as here in France.
I'm sorry you have health problems aries63 and you are in pain I hope things improve for you soon. thanks

M0nica Sat 21-Mar-20 08:31:28

If this was your birthday treat, why on earth did they book a cottage with only upstairs bathrooms?

In their situation I would have been booking a bungalow or house with downstairs bedroom and shower room.

Roses Sat 21-Mar-20 15:13:31

I think the daughter was very unreasonable to book accomadation that is completely unsuitable for the op.
Non of them should be going but don't sound like they would think of that and are determined to have their jolly

Hetty58 Sat 21-Mar-20 15:30:24

Aries 63, yes, I do think you're being childish.

You were asked and decided not to go.

You're 70 with 'arthritis, cervical spondylosis, HMS, and others' yet you have failed to self-isolate - childish again!

SueDonim Sat 21-Mar-20 15:57:29

I think Aries63 has a claim to having been unkindly treated. Her daughter told her that the weekend would be cancelled if the OP decided she couldn’t go, which might have led to the OP assuming something else would be planned. Instead, the weekend is still on and the OP’s family have been somewhat duplicitous by hiding this from her until the last moment.

As it happens, life has changed and I don’t think anyone should be going away right now.

It’s also pointless to dwell upon it, so I hope having a grumble in GN has helped Aries get it off her chest and she can stay at home knowing she’s doing the right thing.

Happy birthday, Aries*! cupcakewine

M0nica Sat 21-Mar-20 15:59:50

Yes, Happy Birthday. wineflowers

Let us celebrate it with you as your family cannot.

aries63 Sat 21-Mar-20 16:39:40

Thanks to everyone who has wished me a happy birthday

Manmar2 Sat 21-Mar-20 16:48:41

Happy birthday aries63. No you are not being childish. Stay at home and have a glass 🍷🎂.

Hetty58 what a horrible reply. Just nasty.

Atqui Sat 21-Mar-20 16:57:06

I presumed the daughter was gonna cancel for everyone as it was for your birthday. Like others I’m also surprised they didn’t book something more suitable. I’d be hurt too.

BlueBelle Sat 21-Mar-20 17:22:07

And Happy birthday from me too Aries

Please self isolate away from those grandsons, and their girlfriends lovely though I m sure they are
I think I have to review my answer as I thought it was a going away trip planned by daughter and you were invited and refused but you subsequent posts speak of it as a birthday treat especially for you and if that’s the case then it’s a different kettle of fish if it was planned for you then when you didn’t accept you’d expect then to say ok mum would you rather do xxxx
What does surprise me is you’re original invite happened at the beginning of the year but have you not spoken about it at all until now the weekend you should be going away, what about packing and timings etc
It all seems vague and full of misunderstandings and misconceptions
I do hope you can have a lovely day anyway

Very best wishes 💐

fatgran57 Sun 22-Mar-20 00:38:27

I agree with your reply SueDomin.

Happy birthday aries63 flowers

Anoia Sun 22-Mar-20 06:50:19

Families! Happy Birthday aries63. Keep smiling, it confuses them.

Ginny42 Sun 22-Mar-20 07:18:31

I can't imagine why they thought that would be an appropriate venue for you even without this blessed virus which is disrupting all our lives. I'd be hurt too, so no, you're not being unreasonable. However, you are in a safer place right now, so treat yourself to a bit of pampering however simple.

Happy 70th birthday Aries. flowers