Partner not doing anything

Some people are more relaxed than others when it comes to housework. If you like it clean and tidy then do it.

If somebody wants to lay on a sofa all day surely it is up to them ,as an adult in their own home surely they can do what they like.

If somebody wants to lay on a sofa all day surely it is up to them ,as an adult in their own home surely they can do what they like.

Well yes. Ultimately they can. But this being the case they can’t expect to have meals cooked for them, clean clothes provided etc. etc. They can’t lie on the sofa like some eastern potentate and expect their every need to be catered to. Or they wouldn’t in my house anyway.

Pin up a rota like the ones in shared accommodation. After all, that is exactly what your home is. Tell him what you are doing and ask him if there is anything he would particularly like to do but, the rest will be fairly shared. In fact, he could have a longer list as you are still working. Maybe, it has just not occurred to him or, as has been said, he sees the house as your ‘department’ and just needs to be asked.

If you want something to stop, you make it happen
Hithere Hi there!
As has been said before,

"If you don't like something, change it.
If you can't change it, change your attitude!"

Sign in our kitchen;
"Dull women have immaculate houses!"

Probably thought up by a "not-so-dull" woman!
Cheers

What about the ‘as you’re home will you fix the supper this evening.......’ tack?

Go on strike!

I dont think men think like women. My OH is furloughed. He has been busy .... gardening, sowing seeds (the little things that I can do) cutting up the wood pile, all the enjoyable things. I have cooked, cleaned, washed floors etc, hoovered and washed up. He hasnt. So..... I had a slight moan and said I had noticed he didnt like washing up any more. Yesterday he cooked dinner, did a little washing up, so that's a start :-)

Some people get this utter lethargy when they are processing feelings that are too much to cope with, losing work, fear of illness, watching things fall apart , so many people dying . I feel like your husband frankly. I am not one of those positive chirpy sorts when such horror is happening. I process my grief and fear , sleep a lot, do nothing , then one day just get going again. My hubby is taking extra naps waking up late but I know he’s just getting his head round our world having changed so dramatically.

No question he should definitely being doing jobs around the house. If he's like my DH you have to be very specific. If I said clean the house he would probably vacuum the lounge. If I said clean the bathroom, dust and tidy the lounge and bedroom and vacuum both rooms, clean the windows etc. I'd have more chance of getting some of them done.

Well, interesting, insightful and sometimes amusing (*Hithere*) as this has been, I am not angry now. I am not down-trodden either. Lazy Arse has been doing a few little jobs this morning, and tomorrow is HIS day - he's doing the dinner (yes, he's a very good cook, although he's only done it twice since Christmas - he's ALWAYS cooked the Christmas dinner).

Roll on Monday, when I'll be at "work" (it's not work, it's a pleasure) and he'll be doing the chores on the list I'll have left him.

WHEN he goes back to work (I hope it's not too long), he'll be fully occupied.

Could it he has had mild symptoms. Last weekend I slept the whole weekend with no symptoms at all, roll on to Monday I was still tired, today a week on I feel better than I did but just couldn't my finger on why I was so tired all week. Don't judge hidden symptoms are worse

I have a similar spouse, and I think those of you who are lucky enough to have one that's happy to do some chores shoul take care not to suggest stopping cooking or washing or cleaning etc because it'll only lead to rows and a really poisons atmosphere.
The only way is to "suggest" jobs, and not of the washing-up type, not yet anyway. Start with the more masculine things, like helping to turn the mattress or putting on the duvet cover.
These men truly feel emasculated if you 'nag'. My own father was like that, and I married one with a similar mindset. He won't change, but hopefully yours may improve.
Good luck.

My comments could be amusing but I do not badmouth (call my dh an arse) in a public forum

I'm not apposed to calling my husband an arse anywhere but I do it to his face first.

Opposed I mean. Arsepposed.

My DH always used ' your ' when he did jobs in the house.
' I hung out your washing ', ' I did your shopping ', '. I mopped your floor '. It took him a long time to graduate to using. ' the ' and ' our '.

grannybuy in our 20s I had a friend who always cooked the dinner, but then would say, "My husband washed up for me" like he'd done her a huge favour!!

Hithere Sorry if you're offended. I call him worse things than Lazy Arse to his face . He certainly wouldn't be at all interested/upset about me calling him anything on here - he doesn't read it. There are no names to identify either him or me, so it doesn't really matter that it's a public forum. Lighten up a bit

Alittlemadam and anyone else who thinks perhaps I'm being harsh, perhaps he HAS been unwell - I've been married for almost 40 years, and he's only got to sneeze twice and he'll be in bed!

Thank you for all your advice, sympathy, suggestions, etc. I am no longer angry, and he is pulling his weight a little bit more

Everybody copes in different ways. It's hard times and relationships are tested but now is not the time to try to change people.

SalsaQueen think about what retirement would be like. Can be a hard time. You need to sort it now

Maybe he needed a break or got a bit rundown. As the lockdown situation continues I'd sit down with him and suggest that now he's feeling a lot better you both could come up with ideas how you both could spend your time to benefit you both. It could be like a gentle 'wake up' call to how you are feeling. I think this is better than a confrontation - though you may feel like a confrontation, it may be more detrimental than helpful. Good luck.

Well, I for one would certainly expect things to be done by the time I got home from work.
If not, then I'd make my own meals, clear away my own dishes and do only my own laundry.
Do you make the bed and cook/provide his breakfast before going to work?
Oh dear! Not my kinda guy.
Either he helps out or gets out.
You're not his servant.

Let's not pussyfoot around men. They are just as capable now of learning household chores, as we were years ago.
I sent my sons out into the world well able to match and even exceed my housekeeping capabilities, likewise my SsiL are as capable as my daughters.
We realise that some men believe it's 'women's work' however, they should be brought up to date regarding shared chores.
I hope the OP's DH changes his tune...soon.

GabriellaG54 Make his breakfast? I'm not insane . I've never made his breakfast. He likes to eat the minute he gets up, but I eat at about 10.30. He's usually in the spare room (the GC room for when they stay) so I don't make the bed.

Retirement is 5 years away, but I hope I'll still be able to work part-time, and I'll be keeping up my social life with friends.