Gransnet forums


Am I the only one seeking freedom?

(36 Posts)
OliverZach Thu 07-May-20 23:52:08

I am at my wits end. All I want is to be able to see my children, grandchildren & parents. Eldest grandchild is obviously struggling being separated from the rest of the family. Parents, both in their 80’s, mum long term disabled now sole Carer for my dad who had a stroke in October. They are trying to look after each other but struggling. Problem is daughter & grandchildren live over 25 miles away, parents nearly 80 miles away! I just want to see them, they want to see me! I understand about the risks, we all do but want to do? I can accept all the other restrictions but I just want to see my family!

MissAdventure Thu 07-May-20 23:55:33

Everyone here wants to see theirs, too.
Most people have things going on which really complicate the distancing.

SueDonim Fri 08-May-20 00:28:11

It’s all I want to do, too. It ain’t gonna happen any time soon, though.

Evie64 Fri 08-May-20 00:35:41

OliverZach, you need to think to yourself "If I went to visit them, and as a consequence they contracted Covid". How would you feel? We are all missing our families, it's really really tough, I would give anything to cuddle my granddaughter, but you need to be patient for their sakes and your own.

Nansnet Fri 08-May-20 06:19:18

You are not alone in this situation. I live overseas, and my father in the UK, who lives alone since mum died, is disabled and also had a stroke. He just about manages to cope on his own, but he's very lonely whilst in lockdown, and has no one at home to even talk to, except the odd phone/video call. At least your parents have each other. I'm gutted that there's nothing I can do to make things easier for him under the current circumstances.

My daughter in the UK was planning to visit us and now she can't, so I have no idea when we'll get see her again. And my son, Dil, and GC, who live in another country, not too far from us, who we normally get to visit every few weeks, we've not seen since December, and no idea when we will get to see them again. Our GC has changed so much during the past few months, we feel we are missing out on so much, but there's nothing we can do about it.

The important thing is that we all need to stay safe. I could not live with myself if I decided to break the rules, and infected one of my loved ones, just because of my longing to see them.

Esspee Fri 08-May-20 06:27:47

I am so grateful to live in a time where you can instantly contact each other and video chat.
When I moved to the Caribbean my parents must have been distraught. They thought they might never see me again.

Hetty58 Fri 08-May-20 06:32:21

It's not about what we want, is it?

It's about keeping everyone safe. I can put up with it, have patience and wait it out.

Taking any risks, however small, would have me 'at my wits end' though.

I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I caused someone's illness or death.

BlueBelle Fri 08-May-20 06:37:18

My son lives 11 thousand miles away and was going to visit me this July I haven’t seen him for four years so no idea when I ll see him again hopefully next year but who knows if they lose their money he ll not be able to finance another visit
But you have to get on with it don’t you? there’s no point in focusing on it and making everyone unhappy and driving yourself mad
There’s more to a relationship than seeing someone
You have to accept some stuff in life no point in mentally fighting it you just drive yourself mad it will all become a memory one day
Think about other things oliver don’t focus all you energy on what you can’t have be inventive about what you do have You're safe, they re safe we all have houses and internet your parents have each other don’t focus all your energies on your sadness

Tuppence15 Fri 08-May-20 06:42:32

Please please please don’t be tempted to break the rules.
My ex husband lost his battle with Coronavirus last week. Comforting our son over the Internet is impossibly difficult.
Only ten people are allowed to his funeral but only three people are likely to be able to attend. As our son lives abroad he cannot attend. He is heartbroken.
If you all stay safe at least when this is over you will be able to see each other.

Beechnut Fri 08-May-20 06:43:02

I’m so grateful for that too Espee. It’s kept me sane.

Hetty58 Fri 08-May-20 07:18:34

You can see them through a window - if you have a reasonable excuse to visit.

My daughter brought me shopping, a couple of times, when no delivery slots were available here. She lives 30 miles away.

We spoke on the phone - but through the front room window. It was lovely to see her and the grandchildren. We do Skype, but it's not the same.

Blinko Fri 08-May-20 07:24:13

Might we get a little leeway on Sunday, does anyone think?

In our case, sons and families live around 100 miles away so it's not possible to meet up at the moment.

We're hoping we'll be able to meet friends, who live locally, retaining social distancing, maybe sharing a cup of tea in each others gardens. Or even a local park.

Outdoors, anyway.

MawB Fri 08-May-20 09:27:25

flowers Condolences and my sincerest sympathy Tuppence , what a dreadful time for you. flowers

Brunette10 Fri 08-May-20 09:37:49

Condolences tuppence flowers - what a truly dreadful time for you.

Madgran77 Fri 08-May-20 09:41:31

Tuppence* flowers

merlotgran Fri 08-May-20 09:43:21

So sorry for your loss, tuppence. flowers

Barmeyoldbat Fri 08-May-20 10:17:51

Yesterday I had, no choice, to make the 110 miles round trip to visit my daughter and believe me in this time of lockdown its not good. For a start I was driving most of the way on roads free of traffic, there was no where to stop for a drink but I had a flask with me, drank my coffee and then of my goodness I needed a wee, ending up stopping to dive into a field. At my daughters I didn't want to go in the house, so sat out side in a deckchair talking to her and sorting out all her medication. Then using my phone to speak to the doctor and chemist. Problem eventually sorted and I was able to go home. Once home, stripped down in the kitchen, put clothes in the washer, washed hands and went for a shower. Believe me with this virus lurking around it is no joy to visit anyone, however much needed. The worry that you might catch it is tremendous and exhausting.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 08-May-20 10:24:21

Well we all want the same things don’t we.
We want to go to DHs mother’s funeral, but we can’t, in fact none of her adult children can go because they are all shielded, which makes it difficult for the rest of us as their partners. Plus we live 120 mile round trip away.
On the other hand none of us want to catch Covid 19, so I know that whatever we want we have to be patient.

suziewoozie Fri 08-May-20 10:24:47

No you’re not the only one and I really cannot believe you think you are. Honestly. I hope you’re reading this thread and reflecting on what others are going through.

Oopsadaisy3 Fri 08-May-20 10:26:27

Tuppence so sorry, I didn’t check the other posts
I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s so hard at this time to comfort anyone, all we have is the phone, or FaceTime. Nothing can replace a hug.

Billybob4491 Fri 08-May-20 10:48:32

So sad to hear of your loss Tuppence, I wish you well.

NanaandGrampy Fri 08-May-20 11:41:16

Sorry to hear of your sad loss Tuppence .

Oliverzach, we all want what you want and if we all did what you want to do more and more people would have the terrible loss Tuppence has had.

This really IS a no brainer - it hurts , its sad and its hard but it IS saving lives.

Grammaretto Fri 08-May-20 12:00:57

Of course we are all desperate to see our families again and it is taking its toll.
DGD who is only 2 went rushing up to a total stranger who came to their door - she was so desperate to see another human (or maybe she thought it was me!)

I got very grumpy when a couple of random walkers came down into our garden and when I called out to ask them what they were doing they said "we aren't trespassing are we?" "yes you are and we are shielding". As they left I realised that I was also desperate to see people but wished it could be family.
However, we are sticking to the rules. Several family members and close friends work on the front line.

Be patient and then no-one will be missing when you finally can meet again.

BlueSky Fri 08-May-20 13:32:26

A lot of people in the same predicament here. It's sort of comforting knowing we are not the only ones.

Atqui Fri 08-May-20 14:38:44

Yes , it is some comfort knowing that probably everyone on this site and thousands, millions of other people feel,exactly the same- desperate to see our loved ones. It really goes without saying OliverZach