Stepdaughters wedding

It's not the asking which will cause waves as long as it is done nicely, it's the way you accept the answer. I would ask female to female and if they say your children aren't invited, just say, "Ok," in an understanding way. If you are really anxious about attending, just let them know so they can put you on a table with friendly people who will be open to companionship for the day.

especially as family comes before friends and distant relatives

What absolute tosh. Myself and DH have many friends who are much closer to us and more valued than blood relatives.

My nephew was to be getting married this month but it has been cancelled. I only received an invite to the evening reception. I was a little surprised and hurt. I was with my sister and she was showing off her outfit and asked what colour I was wearing, said I am not invited and she nearly choked on her coffee. Said , of course you are, mix up with invites Just ask....

Sorry its almost automatic i end texts with a X and sometimes forget

Kamj, why do you put a x on the end of your posts?

Pumpkinpie, my ego? ?

Good advice from Lolo81 if you enquire as she suggested it’s addressing the confusion in a non confrontational way.
Jay Lucy I would have thought kamji would know by now if the boys were to play any roles at the wedding.

Well Kamj if he’s made his mind up, it’s his daughter and he sounds like he will probably just do what he thinks regardless.

I hope it works out ok for you all whatever the outcome. I hope it doesn’t cause problems and that these worries are soon over.

Good luck.

Are your children your husbands children or from a previous relationship? I think if they are his they should be invited, they are her brothers after all. If not maybe it is OK for them not to be. However as there are children going I think they should too, depending on her relationship with them and the relationship to the other children. Are they nieces and nephews or children of friends? If they are friendsl children I would be upset too.

Just because you’ve married her dad doesn’t automatically give you rights to assume your children who aren’t related to her by blood or have ever lived with her get an invite
She’s an adult, she’s not grown up with them as siblings , it’s harder to make that kind of connection
It’s her day her wedding.
It’s up to her dad to ask but don’t spoil her day because of your ego

Tanith, not Tabitha!

Yes, Tabitha has got this exactly right.

Molly10, i haven't ignored advice, theres so much advice on here but all different, go, dont go, say, dont say, etc etc
I spoke to Hubby as its his daughte
r and he's RSVPing as if all invited, i told him thats probably not best way (though again done posts say it is)
Im at a loss to what to say or do for best,

Your husband cant really 'just R.S.V.P as though theyre invited'- you seem to get on better with her so just ring,& say just ringing to thank you for invite-& just checking,before i reply- are so& so invited too? As i'll need to arrange a sitter for (youngests name)? Then its up to you,depending on outcome.but as we've some of us said,there might be no large gatherings still by then.

Kamj Surely your SD doesnt expect you to be on your own ? Your Husband will be busy all day, does she just expect you to stand around like a spare part ? I think your DH needs to explain that you will be on your own all day.

Hubby can deal with this - he could reason that you are happy/accepting that he will be away from you at the top table and how nice it would be for you to be with your children. Don't share any of this with your children it may sour relationships. Another thought, maybe costs are something to consider. Maybe hubby could offer to cover the extra cost if it hasn't been budgeted for? I do hope it all works out well for you.

Kamj

It seems from your last post that you have ignored advice and that husband and you will respond as if all of you are invited.

This is very wrong!

Your husband or you must have a conversation with her first to clarify if they are not invited and I'm sure she will give you the reasons.

You then need to accept the situation and decide whether you want to go. After all this is her day and you do not want to spoil it further by just turning up with no seat allocation for children...how rude that would be.

If you accept, please don’t include children. Someone did this to us when their children were not included in the invitation, nor had we counted them into our numbers. I was furious.

Is there anyone else that you know well who are going ? I would get your husband to clarify and ask if your sons are invited and if not ,that if possible could you sit with some people you know. It's much easier to sort it out at this stage .

If you feel it would be better for you to talk to your step-daughter rather than your husband, could you start the conversation by saying 'of course it's your wedding and your decision but can you tell me if your stepbrothers are invited as we aren't sure. We don't want to cause a fuss, just want to be clear. If you have a good relationship with her surely this would be acceptable? Good luck.

I think maybe she would have invited them if they were your husbands natural sons- as they would be her 'half brothers', so her 'blood family'.But theyre step- brothers,so maybe she doesnt consider them as close as you do.-ive remarried (& since divorced)over the years but my kids never use the term 'half siblings' and only reffer to as brothers/sisters - they are all blood related though- but my youngest daughter,her father remarried,and we all get along fine- her siblings on her dads side she also calls her brothers/sister. And in fact i get on with her step mum better than with her dad.

Hi Kamj
Welcome if your new here. Loads of advise already given. My only input is having helped organise my daughters wedding. By now the seating plan will have already been put in place along with deposits paid for how many covers they are having at dinner. So it’s not a case like in a restaurant where you can just stick a couple of chairs at the end of the table for children. I feel just assuming on the invite is a huge recipe for disaster and would cause an awful lot of rearranging just to add them on. One question as it’s your husbands DD has he paid for the wedding.

Hi there, I do feel for you and I haven’t read all your replies so apologies if this has already been said. As you have a good relationship with her I would contact her and ask her just to clarify the invite as you don’t want to make a mistake and you understand if she is limited to numbers etc etc. Try and keep it in the same context of a conversation you’d normally have with her. Hopefully it will be resolved one way or another and your stress will be eased. Good luck.

Hello, and welcome to Gransnet.

I think I’d do as someone else suggested above and ask simply if she intended to include the boys, as if not you will arrange childcare? Say it with a smile and it won’t look like a criticism.
Say you’re just checking.
That way no blame can be apportioned and it will keep things on an even keel.

Good luck.

This is for your husband to deal with. He knows your feelings.