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AIBU

Family just too far away.

(88 Posts)
Gingergirl Thu 11-Jun-20 07:14:48

Is it just me, or does it seem that there’s no acknowledgement during this lockdown for grandparents who’s family live in the uk but a long journey away. Yesterday’s press conference talked about people living on their own but people like us haven’t seen our families for months. I have two granddaughters under five who are too young to understand social distancing, it would be impossible to keep them in the garden if they visited, and after a long journey, they would definitely need food, toilet etc. etc. At least if they lived closer, you could meet up in a park or something. Ordinarily they would stay overnight. I despair about when we might see them again. How are others coping with this? We are trying to stick to the advice and I know there are people worse off than us but I’m worried that if we don’t get to see them during the summer somehow, there will be restrictions brought in during the autumn and winter which means it could be next year before we get together!?

Callistemon Fri 12-Jun-20 19:27:13

Like.
?

lincolnimp Fri 12-Jun-20 21:56:46

We are just using Zoom, a family get together/quiz every Sunday, and other occassional times. Not idea, but the youngest ones are over 200 mikes away so don't see that every week in the flesh anyway.

Ellianne Fri 12-Jun-20 22:02:44

I see a lot of sense in Kate54's post saying that once the holiday home rental market re-opens, planned for July 4th, it will coincide with more bubbles for families to stay with each other. Fingers crossed.

jenpax Sat 13-Jun-20 11:03:20

My DD’s and DGC live locally but my eldest DD has one child who is on vulnerable list and my DH has also been shielding at their house so meet ups are pretty much off the cards. Second DD and DGC are in good health so a meeting might be possible in a park or at the beach. However I have had my spleen removed as a result of cancer surgery and DD 3 whom I am staying with is a lone parent with type 1 Diabetes which we are now told makes her high risk so we aren’t sure what to do.
Like everyone else I am badly missing the family I can’t see, but I have had experience of it having previously lived 120 miles away and only being able to visit every few months due to work

starbird Sat 13-Jun-20 11:51:05

Anyone on the internet can use zoom for free for 40 minutes (and then reconnect again for 40 minutes if they wish) or you can pay for unlimited time. The best way for families is to use a computer screen (as opposed to phone/ tablet) and if it is a laptop, each prop it up somewhere such as in front of the tv. Small children can be encouraged to write down in advance (or mum can) things they want to tell or show granny so that they are not tongue tied. Alternatively at a certain time each day Granny can read them a story ( if bedtime a tablet is handy - they can be in bed with it) or it could be a serialised story at a set time each day. Another option is just to have the screen there while the children play, grandparents can be reading/ sewing so that it is like being with them and as in real life someone will look at the screen and say something to the others just as though they were in the room. It may seem strange at first but you get used to it. Another way, if you have a tablet or laptop, is to join each other at mealtime eg Sunday lunch, with a screen taking the place of a person at the table, or on a side table or somewhere at one end, such that it shows everybody, while you do the same your end, so that it is like eating together. If you have more than one family member they could all be included, but unless someone is directing it, the screen will be split to show each participant in a separate box. If you have the technology the screen can be directed onto a tv screen. Imagine the thrill for a small child to see grandma on the tv talking to them!

Siamsabai Sun 14-Jun-20 22:33:20

I live in another country from my grandchildren, already had a visit cancelled and had another planned for August. I was hoping to go ahead if the 2 week quarantine restriction is lifted before August but my daughter is nervous about me going, especially being at airports etc. I do understand but feel so sad that I won't be seeing my grandchildren this year, I know I'm not the only person in this situation but it is ver hard

NannyB2604 Sun 28-Jun-20 20:13:46

So sorry for everyone, there are many difficult situations here, and who can say whether one person's feelings are more valid than another's? However, I will say one thing : those of us who have DC and DGC living abroad, so we will miss a whole year or more of their lives "in the flesh" often, in my experience, show more empathy than those who are being deprived of contact for a few months. I hear things like "Well, I don't see my DGC every day" or "Well, you can always Skype". Maybe we can empathise more with others' pain because we go through it every day, every week, every month ... Well, you get the picture. Yes, it's horrid. Love and hugs to you all ?

Dressagediva123 Wed 01-Jul-20 11:53:12

I agree the media etc are insensitive when it comes to reporting children and their grandchildren being able to get together again now - my two daughters and GC all live abroad - I don’t know when we will see them again given the current crisis. It causes us a lot of heartache - I just be comforted by knowing they are safe ...

Wheniwasyourage Wed 01-Jul-20 12:57:42

It seems to me that it is in some ways harder for those who live quite close to their families and are used to seeing them more often than for the rest of us. My widowed friend whose family lives 40 miles away was used to seeing them very frequently and having her DGC to stay often too. Now she is able to drive that far and is delighted, but I know it was very hard for her.

We are at least 150 miles from all our family and are dependent on public transport as well as being very careful for health reasons, so have decided that there is little chance of seeing any of them this year and have just had to get on with it. We are very lucky to have each other, and I do appreciate that. And weekly Zoom quizzes and FaceTime chats are great.

Wheniwasyourage Wed 01-Jul-20 12:59:40

Having said all that, I do understand that it must be horrible knowing that your family is abroad and that you won't see them for ages. flowers for you all.

MawB Wed 01-Jul-20 13:01:34

starbird

Anyone on the internet can use zoom for free for 40 minutes (and then reconnect again for 40 minutes if they wish) or you can pay for unlimited time. The best way for families is to use a computer screen (as opposed to phone/ tablet) and if it is a laptop, each prop it up somewhere such as in front of the tv. Small children can be encouraged to write down in advance (or mum can) things they want to tell or show granny so that they are not tongue tied. Alternatively at a certain time each day Granny can read them a story ( if bedtime a tablet is handy - they can be in bed with it) or it could be a serialised story at a set time each day. Another option is just to have the screen there while the children play, grandparents can be reading/ sewing so that it is like being with them and as in real life someone will look at the screen and say something to the others just as though they were in the room. It may seem strange at first but you get used to it. Another way, if you have a tablet or laptop, is to join each other at mealtime eg Sunday lunch, with a screen taking the place of a person at the table, or on a side table or somewhere at one end, such that it shows everybody, while you do the same your end, so that it is like eating together. If you have more than one family member they could all be included, but unless someone is directing it, the screen will be split to show each participant in a separate box. If you have the technology the screen can be directed onto a tv screen. Imagine the thrill for a small child to see grandma on the tv talking to them!

With respect Starbird that is not the point.

MawB Wed 01-Jul-20 13:04:59

Lancslass1

Thank your lucky stars that a) You have grandchildren at all .
Many people who would love them have none and b) that if you do have grandchildren who live in this Country you will be able to meet them hopefully In the not too far distant future.
Most grandparents I have noticed with children and grand children who live in foreign Countries don't seem to complain about their lot.
They accept the situation

Not helpful to try to make OP or anybody feel,guilty that they are voicing their personal sadness.
Yes we all know worse things happen at sea and we all realise we will have to manage somehow, but there are also times when you want to be able to let it all out and we, as grandparents or not seeing grandchildren or not, ought to be able to sympathise.
OP I haven’t read all the replies, but is there no way you could “bubble” with them?
Keep your chins up - better days will come ?