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Family just too far away.

(87 Posts)
Gingergirl Thu 11-Jun-20 07:14:48

Is it just me, or does it seem that there’s no acknowledgement during this lockdown for grandparents who’s family live in the uk but a long journey away. Yesterday’s press conference talked about people living on their own but people like us haven’t seen our families for months. I have two granddaughters under five who are too young to understand social distancing, it would be impossible to keep them in the garden if they visited, and after a long journey, they would definitely need food, toilet etc. etc. At least if they lived closer, you could meet up in a park or something. Ordinarily they would stay overnight. I despair about when we might see them again. How are others coping with this? We are trying to stick to the advice and I know there are people worse off than us but I’m worried that if we don’t get to see them during the summer somehow, there will be restrictions brought in during the autumn and winter which means it could be next year before we get together!?

Katyj Thu 11-Jun-20 07:28:03

I feel for you Ginger it is very difficult. Our family live close and we were overjoyed to meet up in their garden last week, but now 10 days in it’s done nothing but rain ! So plans that we could meet in the garden or take them for a walk have gone.I feel that we need some continuity now as ours are only young like yours, the youngest one just looked bewildered last week .As i understand it, you could visit them and stay over,but not if there’s two of you.
We’re just hoping that we’ll be able to meet inside very soon, especially if the weather stays wet. Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

kittylester Thu 11-Jun-20 07:32:49

We are going to see our 2 most distant granddaughters on Sunday. It is like a military operation. DD is giving them a picnic in the car, we will have tea and cake in the garden and they will have KFC in the car on the way home to make up for not being able to have free access to the house. We just hope the rain holds off.

One of the saddest things that I've heard recently was a different DGD saying, 'I do miss your house, Ma'.sad

Gingergirl Thu 11-Jun-20 07:42:11

Katyj, I'm glad you can see your family. yes there is both of us-I don’t live on my own-so yesterday’s change doesn’t affect us. Kittylester, yes, my four year old gc would expect to be on our house with us playing with her because that’s what we usually do! I don’t want to have to say to her, grandma can’t play with you indoors (or at all, unless two metres away!). How could she understand that!

dragonfly46 Thu 11-Jun-20 07:42:55

There is no way our DGC can visit - it is a 3 hour journey each way.
I feel a little envious as Boris has made it possible for the other gran to go and stay but we are a couple and I am shielding.
It is my birthday next week and we usually spend it together.

Grannynannywanny Thu 11-Jun-20 07:51:21

Gingergirl I could have written your post myself and understand exactly how you feel. My 2 youngest grandchildren are 130 miles away and we are on opposite sides of the Scotland/England border. Yes we have video calls and I’m so grateful we can do that. But sometimes I only just manage to hold the tears in till I get off the phone. I feel I’m an emotional wreck lately.

I’m worried that if the R number starts to rise in the coming weeks as a result of the many thousands of protesters across the UK ignoring all the guidelines that we will end up under further restrictions before I’ve had a chance to see them.

Mollypussy Thu 11-Jun-20 08:09:21

My three granddaughters come to my garden but have been in our conservatory , windows open and doors closed to the house as if raining they need to come in , I have to help my daughter as she can’t work her full hours as I can’t pick up fr9m school or have the twins , now I can’t even have a bible with her as I’m married yet they can go to nursery /school , visit zoos and shops , childminders , absolutely mad and not right surely , friends of mine already been babysitting and stayed overnight as had no choices , people will just break rules soon

Mollypussy Thu 11-Jun-20 08:10:21

Meant a bubble

Ellianne Thu 11-Jun-20 08:45:46

I can sympathise with all those who live at a distance from their families. We have been sticking to the rules throughout and were longing for this particular restriction to be relaxed. We did however try our own version la It is achievable in a day, just, but not advisable. Our DD lives 220 miles away, that's an 8+ hour journey there and back. They left home at 5 am and headed home 12 hours later. We had roughly 8 hours together, and they didn't enter the house. The older girl and I comically kept practising Patrick Swayze's moves in Dirty Dancing, "this is your space, this is my space," but the 4 year old was very subdued and overwhelmed. We provided a picnic with their favourite foods and lots of handwashing with soapy water in 4 pint milk bottles. Whether it was a success or not who knows, we did get to meet. DD says they won't be doing it again because it is too far in a day.

harrigran Thu 11-Jun-20 09:16:13

I haven't seen DD since December and DS and family since February.
Where we live in the NE it is way too chilly to spend hours sitting in the garden even if you could lure the teenager out of her room.
Health and safety is way more important than seeing people face to face.

FFFF Thu 11-Jun-20 09:31:06

I managed to hold my newborn DS just twice before lockdown. They are 200 miles away.
I am sobbing as I write this

Jeannie59 Thu 11-Jun-20 09:33:45

How about us who's families live abroad?
Mine live in the US and Oz
No hope for us to cuddle our grandchildren this year

Ellianne Thu 11-Jun-20 09:35:01

FFFF that's so sad. Is there any chance you could meet up half way just for a walk together?
There will be brighter days ahead.

Rosepaul Thu 11-Jun-20 09:39:07

Same for me my grandchildren live a 3 hours drive away we usually do childcare for two days every fortnight but haven't seen them since early March. Miss them so much FaceTime is good but no substitute for cuddles and being with them.

Gingergirl Thu 11-Jun-20 09:41:30

I’m so sorry for everyone else on here that have had similar problems. I’m crying reading the responses which has made me realise that it is a big reason for my unhappiness...when it’s easier sometimes just to blame (husband!!) and other more trivial things for feeling down. It’s a small comfort that I’m not alone...and also not going crazy thinking that I’ve got this all wrong and maybe there is a legitimate way after all, to see people a long way off.

Gingergirl Thu 11-Jun-20 09:44:00

Dragonfly46, it’s my birthday too this month and although video calls etc will be lovely, I’m actually dreading it. I’d like to put the birthday on hold really!?

granAnnie Thu 11-Jun-20 09:45:35

Gingergirl and others. In the same boat - daughter, her husband and baby granddaughter live 7 hour drive away (they are in England and I am in Scotland).

annifrance Thu 11-Jun-20 09:45:47

I live in France and my family in UK. DH and I got married in a brief ceremony in the Mairie in November, mainly to make the b----y brexit debacle easier. It didn't make sense for them all to come in winter so we had planned a big wedding celebration here the first week of the summer holidays with the whole family here for a holiday. And other very dear friends from all over Europe.

Well that isn't going to happen. I could let myself get very upset, I haven't seen them since late October. However this is as it is. It is what the situation requires. It is what we all have to get on with without going into a decline or whingeing. That achieves nothing, and certainly doesn't help our DCs and DGCs if they know we are miserable.

Whatever happened to British fortitude, in the big picture it's not that long, we are hardly deprived as other generations have been during conflict, concentration camps et al. Even in peacetime many families have endured long periods of distance for many reasons. Generation geriatric Snowflake.

Sympathy should rest with the young with small children, possibly living in flats and trying to work and a very uncertain f utures in many aspects, and now DGPs will still not be able to help. Three months in that situation is a hell of a bigger problem than that of the elderly.

Radio 4 is so full of gloom and doom, focusing on people's problems that it must be dragging everyone down and so not helpful.

GrannySomerset Thu 11-Jun-20 09:50:29

We haven’t seen either of our children and families since Christmas/New Year and we feel it, but with one lot 120 miles away and the other nearly 200 miles away it isn’t possible. GC are all teenagers and obviously miss us much less than we miss them, but we still long to be together. Doesn’t look like this year at current rate of progress, but we can’t change it and at least we won’t need to get on a plane when we can meet again.

Gingergirl Thu 11-Jun-20 09:59:58

I do agree with you annifrance, although I think your comment about the older generation are a bit over the top! Sometimes it’s just good to hear that you’re not alone with your circumstances and that others are in the same boat. This is why we come in here and post. If we wanted to disregard the lockdown, I think we would just do it, rather than post how we’re feeling online. I’m sorry that your plans have needed to be cancelled. We’ve had a similar scenario and it’s so upsetting. We all have to find a way through.

Grammaretto Thu 11-Jun-20 10:13:51

You are not alone Gingergirl!
We are shielding and in Scotland so the rules are stricter though broken by plenty We were on the point of driving to DD 70 miles away but like you our DGC are too young to understand distancing and anyway we are law abiding. She brought the eldest to see us a couple of weeks ago. They sat in the garden and ate their picnic and used the spare loo. It was lovely.
The other DGC are older and farther away. We were going to share a holiday with the one who lives in NZ. All cancelled. We have only spent a few weeks with them since he was born 8 yrs ago but we speak almost daily on WhatsApp.
FFFF sorry for you too. Xx

Lucca Thu 11-Jun-20 10:16:03

Sympathy does go to others worse off but it doesn’t stop us being sad. I have DS and DGS in Australia, in December it will be two years since I saw them. Other DS and DgC are 2 hours away and I miss them more oddly enough, I suppose I’m used to the Australia situation.

Callistemon Thu 11-Jun-20 10:20:18

I think we are resigned to the overseas situations, Lucca although we had hoped to see them this year but now will not.

However, spare a thought for those in Wales whose grandchildren live not very far away - but further than the allowed 5 miles travel! The police are very vigilant here too.

Callistemon Thu 11-Jun-20 10:23:31

I don't restrict my sympathy annifrance.
I hope I can feel empathy or sympathy for many in difficult situations.

Cobweb01 Thu 11-Jun-20 10:25:55

Some tough situations for so many. My daughter is expecting her first in September (haven't seen her since brief visit at Christmas) and lives a 3 hour drive from us, which we would happily do in a day to see her and take the things we have bought for her and baby. The problem we have is that she lives in Surrey and we live in Wales so are not allowed to travel more than 5 miles from home, never mind leave the country! Hoping that will change by end of July when it looks like I will be back at work.