Gransnet forums


..... for asking someone NOT to visit?

(40 Posts)
ExD Mon 22-Jun-20 18:02:47

I have just told my husband's cousin and his wife not to come to visit us tonight.,
My DH doesn't know yet, he's still out working on the farm, but he would have welcomed them in and thought nothing of it if he'd answered the phone.
I didn't put it as bluntly as that, and he said he understood, but I think he was insulted. They just wanted to 'drop in' and see how we are, which was kind, but we are both over 80 and have been strict up till now (well I have, DH less so) and I'm not prepared to have them come into my home at present and i said so.
They may sit outside if they like, but its cold here today, and I'm not going to sit around in the cold.
Have I been unreasonable?

Calendargirl Mon 22-Jun-20 18:08:56

No, I don’t think you are. Your visitors should have asked you if you are having people round yet, and should respect your views.
Personally, I wouldn’t dream of inviting myself round to anyone else at the moment, and don’t expect them to come to me either.

Bridgeit Mon 22-Jun-20 19:58:38

I agree with Calendergirl, & your relatives should respect & understand your decision. Best wishes

GrauntyHelen Tue 23-Jun-20 01:08:56

you haven't been unreasonable you shouldn't be having visitors indoors yet and I'd not want to be sitting outside in the evening if I was you either

welbeck Tue 23-Jun-20 01:18:47

yes, they were at fault, not you.
they should have asked if you are having/ would like visitors.
don't worry about it.
safety comes first.
if you H is not being so careful, all the more reason for you to be extra vigilant, for your own preservation as well as his.
and i bet you cook, clean,launder etc for him.
just casually mention that you don't want to get ill as he might not be up to speed with all those skills.
as well as nursing you.
that might make him think.

Teacheranne Tue 23-Jun-20 01:29:40

I worry about all the people who seem to be behaving as if all restrictions have been lifted. Officially nothing has been announced and nowhere does it suggest that indoor visits are allowed.

Freeandeasy Tue 23-Jun-20 01:46:17

No - you haven’t been unreasonable - they are being unreasonable asking to visit. You were right to say no.

Hithere Tue 23-Jun-20 02:35:38


Esspee Tue 23-Jun-20 07:03:01

Of course you are not being unreasonable. They are if they don't like you turning them down.

Hetty58 Tue 23-Jun-20 07:07:33

It's quite OK, under present circumstances, to remind people that you can't have visitors - especially as you're over 80. Of course, you can't be expected to sit outdoors in the cold either!

sodapop Tue 23-Jun-20 08:18:41

I agree with everyone else, take whatever precautions you feel are necessary ExD. It's a bit of a cheek to invite yourself to someone's house at present.

Alexa Tue 23-Jun-20 08:21:25

You did right ExD.

Froglady Tue 23-Jun-20 09:46:41

No, you are perfectly within your rights to say 'no' to them. It is your health and safety that comes first and they should respect that.

Beau1958 Tue 23-Jun-20 09:57:10

Not only is it against the law we have to keep to our ‘bubbles’-otherwise this virus will take hold again. You are totally in the right to refuse visitors they shouldn’t be asking anyway !

Davida1968 Tue 23-Jun-20 09:58:16

ExD, IMO you are being totally sensible. (DH & I continue to see friends in gardens only, and keeping at an appropriate distance.) If your family can't understand the situation, then that's their problem, not yours.

Growing0ldDisgracefully Tue 23-Jun-20 10:11:57

Seems reasonable to me and its up to people to decide whether to have visitors or not. (A pretty good excuse too to avoid those you'd rather not see - look on the positive side!). My sister was recently discharged from hospital (not covid related), and I took over a potted plant for her, phoned her from outside in the car to tell her to collect it from the door step to save any face to face contact (or the plant being stolen). She came to the door and we had a really nice catch up across the pavement and her front garden. So maybe of you have a front drive, visitors could talk to you from their car while you're just inside your front door? Just a suggestion.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 23-Jun-20 10:16:26

You are being sensible, certainly not unreasonable your health and safety comes first

Thecatshatontgemat Tue 23-Jun-20 10:25:07

No: you are not being unreasonable.
Do what you feel comfortable with, and others should respect your decision.

Gwenisgreat1 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:00:17

No, you have to look after yourself and DH. Simple!

Rosina Tue 23-Jun-20 11:00:38

You must have arrangements that you are comfortble with. We are all feeling our way through and should not do things that make us uneasy, however much others might not like it.
If your husband's relatives are put out that is a pity but..they will just have to get over it!

grandtanteJE65 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:06:16

No, you weren't unreasonable; they were, but in the interest of peace in the family, perhaps you should ring up and say you are sorry if you sounded abrupt about it the other day, but that you aren't having vistors yet.

Florida12 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:17:15

You were not being unreasonable, just because guidelines say we can form a bubble doesn’t mean you have to.
My rule of thumb is, I follow whatever the Queen is doing, she is head of state, and will be privy to all the up to date news. I am 64 and in the shielding group.xx

Nannan2 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:44:22

As Hetty58 said.

Kim19 Tue 23-Jun-20 12:43:18

You are allowed to choose your bubble. Well done you for stalling their visit. This is not always easy with congenial relationships and most of us are easing up at different rates irrespective of government guidelines. Stick to your comfort zone and things should work out well for you. Perhaps you should run this zone past your husband to assess what his might be?

pamdixon Tue 23-Jun-20 12:44:00

much better to be safe than sorry. We are all out of our comfort zone at the moment - so best to do what you feel is right for you.