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AIBU

..... for asking someone NOT to visit?

(41 Posts)
ExD Mon 22-Jun-20 18:02:47

I have just told my husband's cousin and his wife not to come to visit us tonight.,
My DH doesn't know yet, he's still out working on the farm, but he would have welcomed them in and thought nothing of it if he'd answered the phone.
I didn't put it as bluntly as that, and he said he understood, but I think he was insulted. They just wanted to 'drop in' and see how we are, which was kind, but we are both over 80 and have been strict up till now (well I have, DH less so) and I'm not prepared to have them come into my home at present and i said so.
They may sit outside if they like, but its cold here today, and I'm not going to sit around in the cold.
Have I been unreasonable?

ReadyMeals Tue 23-Jun-20 12:59:45

Maybe they offered to visit in case you were feeling a bit isolated. They asked, you answered. Personally I wish all human interactions were a straightforward as this. I guess you could have ended with "when we finally emerge from this virus you are the first people I will want to see" to make it clear it's the situation, not them personally :D

GreenGran78 Tue 23-Jun-20 13:04:21

You aren’t being unreasonable. They should have asked if you were having visitors yet. If they are people that you like, why not phone them and suggest that they come over with a picnic for themselves, on the next warm day. You could then all sit outside and have a nice distanced catch-up.

Annakist Tue 23-Jun-20 13:31:20

Am I the only person who didn't get past the fact that OPs over 80year old husband was out working on the farm?

EthelJ Tue 23-Jun-20 13:40:38

I don't think you are unreasonable at all. I am very annoyed by my husband who has just told me I am unreasonable for keeping to the restrictions and being unwilling to have our children and grandchildren in the house and for reminding him to wash his hands. We see our children and grandchildren in the park which is fine but he thinks they should come to the house. in doors too. And he forgets to wash his hands after going out and then doesn't wash them properly. It annoys me because he is putting me at risk as well as himself. Then he goes into a huff accusing me of being unreasonable when I remind him.

kwest Tue 23-Jun-20 13:47:13

Why would he not be working on the farm?
My husband is 73 and designs and then physically builds his work. In recent years he has taken on smaller jobs to give himself more flexibility and we no longer employ others except for calling in plumbers and electricians. He has a strong client base of 'little old ladies' too. They know they can trust him, he is friendly and easy to talk to and totally honest. he has enjoyed being at home for the lock-down but has potential work until the end of next year when he goes back. He speculated that he might finish at the end of next year because he wants to build an extension to our house but then qualified that by saying that he would never let his 'little old ladies down' so would definitely still be working for them when he is eighty, but would not advertise for work. He is very fit and healthy(touch wood).In fact when some of our elderly male clients have been dying they have asked my husband to please take care of any building stuff that comes up when they have died because they don't want their wives to have to worry about strangers coming to the house.
When men stop working and don't feel that they have a purpose or a value they often die prematurely.

Nelly18 Tue 23-Jun-20 15:07:36

You did the right thing.

Rosiebee Tue 23-Jun-20 15:45:28

What made you think that he felt insulted? I agree with you saying "No" but are you over reacting? Maybe give them a call or send a small card to say that you hope everyone will be able to meet up again in the future when you and your husband feel safe to do so.

Joesoap Tue 23-Jun-20 17:05:05

You did right,they did wrong, end of story.There are many thoughtless people out there, who havent a care for others.Keep safe, sending good wishes to you.

Mercedes55 Tue 23-Jun-20 17:44:54

I think you did the right thing too. We still aren't seeing hardly and wouldn't dream of having anyone come into the house yet so far all we have done is had my son, DIL and granddaughter in our garden with us sitting at a socially distanced table and gone to see my 97yr old mum once and sat in her garden.
We are fortunate that our family are happy to fit around us and they won't pressure us to visit them or come to see us until we feel ready.

BlueBelle Tue 23-Jun-20 17:55:43

You have to do what feels right for you so that’s really what it comes down to
But I di have to take issue with beau1958 when she writes
Not only is it against the law of course it’s not against any laws there are no laws about CV there are suggestions and recommendations but no laws beau

Naty Tue 23-Jun-20 18:33:11

Ha ha. Back in January, many posters got upset that I wanted in-laws to call before coming. Now everyone has changed their tune.

Your house = Your rules

Invite them when you feel in control and confident. Don't feel pressured to please or placate.

Have a meeting outside and have them bring their own everything. grin

Hithere Tue 23-Jun-20 19:00:59

Naty
Touche

Sgilley Wed 24-Jun-20 07:44:08

No you are not being unreasonable. They are! Stick to your guns and stay safe.

ClaraB Wed 24-Jun-20 09:16:46

Not at all, I have just put off my nephew visiting at the weekend as they have a very active one year old who will be touching everything. Both of the parents have been working throughout and we have been self isolating, we've not been to any shops apart from pharmacy and have been very careful. I think they are ok with this but I'm not absolutely sure. The date has been in the diary for months and we will re-arrange for a few months time.

ExD Fri 26-Jun-20 09:45:49

Thanks for backing me up over visiting, I feel stronger now and relieved that I'm not being unreasonable.
As for 80 year old farmers working late - well - its not at all unusual around here where we have small farms mostly managed by one man, with casual help during busy seasons.
Personally I think he's an idiot but have to acknowledge if I managed to persuade him to knock off at 6pm he'd drive me nuts, fretting over what needed doing. I've seen too many farmers retire and then die within a few months to insist he sit around at home all day.
Those of you married to workaholics will know what I mean.