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Hubbies deafness is driving me to distraction

(113 Posts)
muddynails Wed 01-Jul-20 08:38:49

My dh has two NHS hearing aids but refuses to wear either as he says they distort speech, hurt his ears etc. We have money we could easily afford small privately bought aids but he refuses to do this. Consequence we have frequent arguments
where he has misheard what I have said added to which where I have to speak to him in particular way I now hear myself talking to other people in the same way. Advice please

OceanMama Wed 01-Jul-20 08:45:35

No advice really, but I do understand. I have to repeat everything to my husband most of the time. On the plus side, he will wear hearing aids. It sounds like that ones your husband has are not suitable for him if he is getting those kind of problems. Has he talked about it with the audiologist? Maybe they need adjusting? My husband's hearing aids filter out background noise and he can adjust them using an app. It is worth it to get the right set, but I know you know that and the issue is convincing your husband that it can be better. Do you have any friends who have more encouraging experiences with hearing aids that they could share with him?

Furret Wed 01-Jul-20 08:47:18

It’s the same in our house you have my total sympathy.

B9exchange Wed 01-Jul-20 09:32:04

Yes, complete sympathy, doesn't seem to feel the need to put them in when it is only me around and takes constant reminding, and I hate nagging.

Rosalyn69 Wed 01-Jul-20 09:56:07

Completely understand. My husband is deaf as a post and refuses to admit it. It’s a trial.

Bellanonna Wed 01-Jul-20 09:56:39

Oh it’s sooo annoying!

Illte Wed 01-Jul-20 09:56:48

That's very irritating of him.

Ive lived with hearing loss for most of my life and hearing aids these days are very high tech and discreet.

Having said that they can hurt and mine give me excema so it is a relief to take them out sometimes.

There's a lot I want to say about living with someone with hearing loss. They have to do what they can to mitigate it but the hearing person often doesn't help, mostly unconsciously but sometimes a bit spitefully because they get frustrated.

Even though I've said a million times to my partner Don't talk to me from another room, he still does it!
Please face me when you talk to me and don't turn your face or even walk away as you're speaking.

And sometimes we need a bit more detail. Last night he said (head in a cupboard?) Do you want this ay?
Sorry say that again
Do you want the ayyyy?
No I still can't get it.
The ayyyyy! Do you want it?

Me going over to cupboard and peering in.
The Glade!

If only he'd said air freshener ?

GrandmaKT Wed 01-Jul-20 10:15:22

Do you think you could persuade him to go and get the hearing aids checked out muddynails?
I had hearing aids (NHS ones from Specsavers). I tried them a few times, but they seemed to make the background noise louder so my hearing was even worse, and they were uncomfortable. So they sat in a cupboard.
After 18 months I was called in for a check-up. I admitted the problems I'd had and that I hadn't been wearing them. The technician looked at the aids and said that, although I'd only had them a relatively short time, they were basically obsolete and the new ones (still NHS) were much much better. I got a pair of the new ones and she was right, a totally different experience! I wear them all the time now and wouldn't be without them.

lemongrove Wed 01-Jul-20 10:21:50

Illte ?

muddy does he say why he won’t investigate getting more expensive aids? Not being able to hear properly is awful, and I have had problems with it all my life.

quizqueen Wed 01-Jul-20 11:14:59

Speak clearly to him while facing him but make yourself a small sign which says, 'I will not keep repeating myself when you have hearing aids but chose not to wear them'. Hold it up to him whenever he asks you to repeat things and do not engage in any other way. He then chooses whether to wear them, get better ones or not hear what you anyone is saying to him.

MissAdventure Wed 01-Jul-20 11:18:14

I'm ashamed to say, my deafness causes rows here. blush
I always swore I wouldn't be like my mum, but, here I am, accusing all and sundry of mumbling.
I have the cheek, now I come to think of it, to get angry with others because I can't hear them.

jaylucy Wed 01-Jul-20 11:26:18

Take him back to where he got his aids from - a lot of the older NHS ones just make the sounds louder. The ones that are now available are digitally tuned to what the person needs - there is also a variety of designs available. If he was seen at a hospital, he will be able to go to places such as Specsavers or Boots instead without necessarily needing a referral.
I used to work at one of those companies and you wouldn't believe the number of people that do the same as your husband not just with hearing aids but specs! I would guess that they also have a wardrobe or cupboard filled with clothes, complete with labels that don't fit and they can't be bothered to take them back to the shop!

annep1 Wed 01-Jul-20 11:29:07

I have to say things three times. I have said, if you don't hear me the first time stop what you're doing, and concentrate the second time.
Sometimes to be honest when he asks me to repeat something I just ignore him. If he can't be bothered getting a hearing test......

Aldom Wed 01-Jul-20 11:32:03

I too have hearing difficulties and agree with everything said by Illte I have had private, expensive hearing aids in the past, but for the past three years NHS. They are discreet, easy to adjust at the touch of a button, as comfortable as can be hoped for. A friend recently paid £5,000 for hers. When she showed them to me they were the same as my NHS aids. Private doesn't mean better. Please anyone who isn't deaf, try to be patient. Deafness is a hidden disability. It is very frustrating to live with, and when occasionally I come up against rudeness or impatience it is very diminishing.

Lexisgranny Wed 01-Jul-20 11:35:23

I have often wondered why, on getting older, people are quite willing to admit their eyes are less than perfect and buy spectacles, visit a dentist for essential treatment, even buy dentures, and yet hate the idea of a hearing aid. It must be very restricting not being able to hear.

Evoha16 Wed 01-Jul-20 11:39:36

Agreed Aldom - I have had private hearing aids over the years but my NHS-digital one is far better than any of them ☝️

MissAdventure Wed 01-Jul-20 11:40:58

I think perhaps it's because the process of going deaf is gradual.
You can turn the TV up a notch or two, and thinks it's the accents that make a drama hard to follow..

Welshwife Wed 01-Jul-20 11:57:32

It seems that I too mumble all the time - nothing wrong with his ears - drives me to distraction and am getting to the point where I don’t bother telling him things unless really important.

Hithere Wed 01-Jul-20 12:12:17

There has to be a limit where the non deaf person says "enough, you have to deal with it and i am done accommodating"

If the relationship between the couple is going to get impacted by it, both parties have to make it work.

MissAdventure Wed 01-Jul-20 12:15:13

I would honestly say that my mums failure to do anything about her deafness had a significant (terrible) effect (affect?) on the last year few years of her life.

Oopsminty Wed 01-Jul-20 12:21:49

My father was like this. TV blaring out. Yelling at each other all the times. Headaches abound. In the end it was almost his birthday so we took him to get private ones. So much better quality and invisible to the eye, well almost. He thought there'd been a miracle. He mentioned price which we briefly pointed out that all siblings and relatives had chopped in! He was delighted and so gleeful that he could listen to all his own favourites!

And TV viewing was a lot less stressful!

Illte Wed 01-Jul-20 12:27:45

My grandmother and father were both very deaf (it's a genetic thing) and I wish that when I was a hearing person I had been given some guidance as to what the hearing person can do to help overcome this handicap.

I use the word handicap because although I am less able I am not handicapped until the hearing person does things that make life difficult.

The Ops husband should use hearing aids. The Op should examine her behaviours if she can do anything to make it easier to hear/understand what is being said.

I'm sure if he was blind she wouldn't deliberately put things in his way.

MissAdventure Wed 01-Jul-20 12:31:56

annep1 Wed 01-Jul-20 13:16:23

MissAdventure* that could have been my mum!?

Davidhs Wed 01-Jul-20 15:18:30


You say you have to speak in a particular way - so speak in a particular way, he is disabled make allowances for it. You would if he was in a wheelchair or had a stroke

My hearing is not as good as it used to be, face to face no problem, but when someone speaks in the next room I cannot hear it. Hearing aids help in a quiet environment but if the TV is on as background noise he will not hear you asking a question unless you attract his attention first.

More expensive hearing aids make no difference whatever.