Women who want a divorce but don't want to lose the lifestyle

"4 friends stuck married to............men" - there's two sides to every story.
Having said that whilst I never had that sort of lifestlye I knew I would rather sleep rough than stay married to No.1 DH. I wonder how bad it really is?

As I understand it, depending on the length of the marriage and some other issues, most assets are split down the middle.

Of course, that can still make a huge difference to lifestyle for a couple who have only one residence because the proceeds of that home have to be split and a much cheaper home found for each party.

But I can't understand someone putting up with an unhappy marriage just to have access to a holiday home and to avoid paying bills. Single people have to house themselves and pay their bills.

Hi Oodles, you made some good points. Things were different years ago. It was difficult to get childcare as you say, so those women who worked often did short hours during the day to be home when school ended, or worked at night. So often no chance to earn an income or have a career equal to the husbands. And probably did the majority of the housework and cooking as most men expected it. So it's not fair to criticise those who didn't work.
My MiL did everything during the day, left dinner prepared and then went to work in the mill. Some life.
We certainly didn't sit doing nothing, there's a lot of work to looking after children and running back and forward to schools, doing homework whilst preparing dinner, and when men came home often we still had work to do.

But that was then. I do feel it's better for women to work now if they can, and husbands share the household tasks more now.

When I left my husband of 30 years, who had had a drink problem, myself and 15 yr old daughter had to take off quickly as he found out about our plans. We fled with one carrier bag as he grabbed all other cases etc. We found ourselves at a bus stop around the corner and boarded bus. Looking in the bag we had 2 pairs of knickers and 4 t shirts between us. We laughed there was nothing else to do. The only way was up!

I can just see that Misty!

@annepl that's right, we don't know old these women are, who are staying for apparently frivolous reasons, but again we don't walk in their shoes and we know that often fathers do not pay for their children's upbringing and women do often sink into poverty while the father carries on much as before. Even when no children it can still be very hard, a friend at present is trying to leave her nasty husband who has deliberately done everything in his power to put not just as spanner but a whole toolbox in the works, he has had her run up huge solicitor bills, she is happy to take her share of the family home and her savings and leave him with the rest including his pension, and it has nearly caused her a breakdown. If she spends more on solicitors she will have nothing to buy a house with. Possibly these women deep down fear that sort of situation
When I divorced it was accepted that had I not provided the back up that now ex would not have got as far up the career ladder that he did. , so no hesitation in granting me part of his pension.
Very few nurseries back in the day and not the regulation of childminders there is now. When I used to take son to playgroup there was a childminder there, and she was not kind to the little ones she had with her, if not have had her look after my dog tbh. So glad things are better now, obviously not all were like that, a friend likeminded after school children and is have been happy for her to look after mine but no way of telling not the inspections etc there are now if you didn't know them personally

Childminder not likeminded lol

Yes its good things have changed.
But women often still will have to accept a change of lifestyle. You have to decide what's most important.

I don't think anyone would feel any sympathy or be "sad" for women who stay because they like having everything paid for! There's a thread on here at the moment with a lady who (like myself) wants to leave but is struggling to see how she can afford any accommodation at all let alone a holiday home!

Self respect and peace of mind would be more important to me as long as basic needs are met.

I agree with oodles. Until you have walked a mile in someone's shoes you can't judge their situation. Deciding to leave a marriage whatever the circumstances is a huge leap of faith and if there are factors such as health, wealth and loneliness to take into account maybe some women just haven't got the hope, the energy or the strength to go it alone.

I hadn't heard of any women stuck in dead marriages - until I came on Gransnet. Here, it's a recurring theme.

Their marriages can't be that awful, though, must be bearable, or they'd certainly leave.

I agree to an extent, eg if health problems make it difficult. but not because you want to keep an expensive lifestyle or access to a holiday home. It won't make you happy.

Paddyanne some wives would love to work, and some husbands are very controlling and wont allow it
Not all wives sit on their bum all day either
When i left i had to climb out of a window and get the children out while he was at work, and before a certain time as he used to come home to check on what i was up to, which was nothing, but he was
Had to secretly arrange with my sister to get a friend to take us miles away to my parents