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Am I being over sensitive?

(84 Posts)
Vetrep Sun 12-Jul-20 10:24:32

For context, my daughter and her partner have lived together for 15 years and we have NEVER just turned up at their home without an invitation. Their first baby was born in February, so we saw him up to five weeks and now he is five months. Last week the big day arrived when we could go for cuddles! I realise now that the day was chosen because partner was out at work for part of the day (mostly WFH)
We arrived at 1:15, taking lunch. Baby was napping so we ate lunch and had a lovely catch up with our daughter. SIL arrived home about 2, coinciding with baby waking. My daughter invited me to go with her to his nursery and I gave him his bottle, then had a play. SIL had gone to finish some work connected with his morning appointment, came down at 3:15 and said 'are you still here - you may as well move in. ' I have felt upset since and I know he would claim to be joking but it just didn't come over that way.
So - would you mention it, just arrange to visit if he is out, carry on as normal? My daughter has already invited me to call over this weekend as she knows my husband is at work, but I have feigned busyness. WWYD?

123kitty Tue 14-Jul-20 15:23:38

Am I the only one who's said something stupid without realising it? A new daddy, probably shattered and trying to adjust to his new family. Please forget it. Your daughter has invited you again- GO. Enjoy this lovely time of your life, it will pass so quickly and you will surely regret turning down any opportunity you can to spend time with your adorable grandchild.

Applegran Tue 14-Jul-20 15:26:00

Do go and visit - you've been invited and will love seeing daughter and grandchild. At a relaxed moment, just with your daughter, you could say you've been concerned about SILs comment - say you know it might just have been meant as a joke - and ask her if you should take it seriously, and if so what does she want you to do. She can use this opportunity to talk to you about any issues she may have, or simply answer the question. But when you have concerns around someone you love, it is often far better to raise them and have a non-judgemental truthful conversation about it all - not of course a rant! I don't think that is your style, but a good conversation with your daughter may really help all round. I wish you well.

Karalou51 Tue 14-Jul-20 15:30:59

You're not alone BlueBelle! I don't understand sentences written in initials either! It may be shorthand to the author who knows what they mean but spare a thought for those of us who don't!! I often read the whole comment just praying for clues about what the initials stand for! WTF comes to mind quite often!

Tweedle24 Tue 14-Jul-20 15:50:02

Could be his sense of humour. Give him a chance and if it does not happen again, just forget it. Good luck

KaEllen Tue 14-Jul-20 16:48:39

Vetrep - we don't know the background, i.e. what kind of relationship you have with your daughter's partner. However, these are difficult times for all, as everybody else has pointed out; son-in-law may well feel overwhelmed and stressed, and a joke may have come out sounding like a grudge.
Sorry; you are being rather touchy!

GO AND SPEND TIME with daughter, grandchild, and even (grouchy??) soninlaw! You have been invited; don't cut off your nose to spite your face.
If I was your daughter I'd probably be upset that mum prefers whatever activity you pretended to be engaged in, rather than spending time with me, after months of not being allowed!

Spare a thought for those of us whose grandchild is on another continent, and the family visit planned for this summer is not going to happen. If they lived nearby, NOTHING would stop me from seeing them.

KaEllen Tue 14-Jul-20 16:57:52

GrammarGrandma Tue 14-Jul-20 10:41:08
Insensitive people brush off any offence by saying "it was a joke." What they don't realise is that some "jokes" are not funny.

True, there are unfunny jokes, and it can feel hurtful. Having said this, have a jokey response ready for next time, and don't let it get to you. You end up punishing yourself, and perhaps others - in this particular case the daughter.

Lulubelle500 Tue 14-Jul-20 17:24:21

Definitely carry on as normal. I have always been someone who says: something not right? let's take it out and look at it, talk it over. But since my boys married that doesn't always work and it's much better not to make a 'thing' about a situation, but just skate over it. All too soon little annoyances become great big dramas if you give them oxygen. I think quite often SILs and DILs are quite jealous if they know their loved one loves their mother as much (although obviously differently) as them. Men are fragile insecure creatures really!

Toadinthehole Wed 15-Jul-20 17:02:09

Absolutely ignore it. We’ve all gone so long without seeing people,we don’t quite know what to say when we do! I’m sure I’ve said some daft things. He’d probably be mortified if he thought he’d upset you.’re not moving in are you? You hadn’t even seen them for five months!! Or did you turn up with suitcases? Honestly....forget it. Enjoy your grandson?