AIBU - CV19 is over according to my OH

Your husband is totally dismissing your concerns as not important, so I agree that he should live in his camper van then he can be selfish all the time. It is so wrong to ignore your situation.

You knew you’d get some common sense here. Hope that makes you feel just a bit better.

As for your OH. No, you’re not being unreasonable. If he were shielding, he’d feel the same. He’s fed up with the Virus talk, is impatient, thoughtless and just thinks he’ll get on with his life. He’s being a totally selfish idiot and good for you for keeping away.

Tell him AGAIN you’re not having strangers to the house and tell him, again maybe, that if he goes to France he’ll definitely have to quarantine when he gets back - somewhere other than at your home - before he sees you again.

You can’t fix stupid and you can’t force people to care, but you do deserve to be able to keep yourself safe. We all do.

Would be Interesting to see how the French react to brits. So much in the press about people flying into Spain and their hotel refusing to let them in! It’s not over definitely govt push to put money ahead of health in Britain. I say Britain but the Scots seem more sensible about this

Quick update. Sat eve : After a persistent and long conversation about how rotten my life is, that everything for him is almost normal but not for me, everyone around me is starting to do normal things but not me and that I am not ready to die, I told him once again, that if he does go he is not coming back in the house. End of. ..... Sunday pm. He is not going to France. His visitor next week is still coming. His wife is a nurse so is very aware and he has been furloughed. They will both wear masks. Thank you all for giving me the mettle to continue with my blast at him.

Generally in the small town I live in things seem to be getting back to normal. On Saturday there was a young lady playing a guitar and singing on the main shopping street surrounded by people, I queried on local site if this was now safe and you would think I was personally lambasting this poor girl. I just wanted to know if it was safe to do this. I don’t think the virus has gone anywhere and the more people you interact with the higher the risk

I have just started going out to the shops after 14 weeks of being locked down - hardly anyone seems to be wearing a mask or obeying the marked line system inside shops. Some friends are starting to meet up in quite large groups and I do wonder if this is going to trigger another lockdown very soon. If your OH cannot understand your concerns then all you can do is try to isolate yourself as much as possible from him - people seem to be adopting the stand that 'I haven't had it, don't know anyone who has had it, so everything is okay again' As you say, it is still here and we don't have a vaccine yet.

What is AIBU ?

I would be concerned that I had a husband who did not care about my health. Jude10 I have no idea...I refuse to use any of them...I type the whole words.

I’m with you 100%. This is nowhere near over and it’s going to rev up again pretty soon. Just like his motorbike. I think he’s being feather selfish and thoughtless towards you. I live 100 miles from my long term partner. I am a care home manager but I’ve been working remotely as I have a daughter with an MS Type autoimmune disease, who has a baby. I want to know that I’m able to help her when she needs and recently stepped into her bubble. I jumped out to spend a week with my partner but now he’s said that if we don’t go back to seeing each other every weekend it’s over. He’s not wasting his life waiting for covid to end it a vaccine. He’s seeing all his children, having them to stay etc. They are all in and out of London and staying with their girlfriends etc. I consider that very high risk and it’s unfair as I could lose my daughter if she caught it. I think there are a lot of relationships that will end because of the pandemic.

The actions you have decided on sound perfect to me Flakesdayout. I'm glad you have the space in your home to allow this. In my area the infection rate has always been low, so we felt able at the weekend to go for a socially distanced family picnic. It's the first time we have seen each other since lock down and it was wonderful. It's helped to raise my mood which is gradually deteriorating the longer we've been isolating. I think we all need to assess the risk and act accordingly and safely. I won't go to shops or into other people's homes for a long time yet, but as a spike in cases seems possible soon, now seemed the best time to meet again at last and a picnic was the safest answer. We all took our own food, chairs, blankets etc. We haven't laughed so much since the lockdown, and laughter is good!

Jude... AIBU is an abbreviation of Am I being unreasonable

Were accused of going over the top when we asked MIL if she was wearing a mask when going here there and everywhere in other people's cars. We won't be forming any kind go huge bubble with her!

I understand your concerns. I have been in lockdown since early March as my DH has a compromised immune system and I’m looking after my 100 year old mother who is staying with us. The only time I have been out was 28 April when I attended my fathers funeral after he got Covid19. Today I’m visiting after months my hairdresser I’m obviously taking all precautions. If Im honest I am worried too. It’s natural to feel concerned as this situation has not happened in our life time. We too would like a holiday but not just yet. Life does have to go on but as you are obviously concerned then suggest you don’t allow your DHs friend inside your home when he visits. He should understand and respect your wishes. It’s a difficult one for you. Good luck

Sadly, your OH's attitude is becoming more prevalent as groups of people, seemingly frustrated at being "locked up" for so long that they cannot contain their need to return to the days and ways they feel we should be returning to. Like you have been shielded and my husband would not even dream of what you OH is thinking about as he would consider himself selfish after all we have gone through together since mid-March.
Unfortunately if your OH cannot understand about your concerns then nothing is going to change him and as far as saying the virus is "over", you know that's madness along with 99% of the general population.

It seems to be more difficult each day, with confusing messages.
It is a fine balance between doing activities now, before a second spike and before the weather turns cold and we won't want to be outside as much.
I would have a heart to heart talk with him. I've not see my 94 year old mother since lockdown.
I'm worried about a seven hour train journey to visit in over crowded holiday area where she lives. Maybe I might pick up something to give to her or her carer, it could put her at risk.
Many people I am sure have made sacrifices, not doing pre-lockdown activities in order to protect their loved ones.

thanks for explaining AIBU

LOL

I guess OH is old husband! LOL

so, I have friends going to France for a couple of weeks
driving onto train staying in their own car, on the train, over or under the Channel, in their car, drive off, no contact, stay in their car direct to their rented (I assume) accomodation for family get together.. ie. they believe they will be "safe"

who knows?

me? I am sort of getting out and about, not wearing mask till I have to,, get groceries delivered, meeting a few, very few friends,, but social distancing.

meeting family, go to their house, my bubble.. but I do feel still risky,, it is sooo hard... though.. hard to accept/remember this invisible virus is around I mean.

For those who have been shielding and that loosely involved myself just because of age and not underlying conditions There has to be a gentle easing back into a way of life that includes more social contact even though it’s more distanced than previously - without that we are building up a whole swathe of the population that has added emotional ill-health to their physical infirmity. However the incidence of COVID is differential across the country. In London we had a shocking experience - so quick and contagious and people in other parts of the country had no idea what it was like here - now that situation has changed and some places are in a difficult position while others aren’t so it’s a question of being sensible - I suggest you find out what the COVID rate is in your area - how many cases are there - I’d your OH wants to work on his bike in the garage with a stranger ask him to follow the rules - don’t allow this person into your house not even to use the toilet or do so. It ask him to wash his hands thoroughly - you set the rules. If your OH wants to go to France in August ask what his plan would be for self-protection - he still has to wear a mask on public transport here and I think the same applies in French cities but if he’s going to the countryside and fairly isolated then this is a sensible way to ease oneself back into a more sociable existence. We all want to get back to normal. It will not be possible but we can make rules for ourselves that we use our internal logic to decide are right for us. If people do not get some kind of a break from shielding we will have an enormous mental health problem as the impact of missing a summer holiday hits home in the autumn when the light disappears.

If Covid is over now , then ask him about yesterday's announcement that the world had it's highest new cases in one day 260,000 ( 18/07/20)

I don't thinknCovid 19 will ever be over. We will lesrn to live with it like we donwith other diseases, and like our ancestors did before us.
I think its still right to be cautious. We are still shoelding - its our son - the shieldee''s birthday today and visitors will be doorstep at 2m only!! I know we could meet in the park but we're not ready for that (largely wntto limit opportunities for him launching himself at people for hugs)

BlueBelle I could have written your post - other than the bit about going back to work as I'm retired. Risk assessment has become a normal part of my life. I feel so much better now I'm not scared to go outside. Quality of life is as important as quantity.

Your husband is seriously deluded and putting you at risk.
I have no idea what you can do about it though.
Best of luck.

Well done, FlakesDayOut. It's clearly really tough for all those who are particularly at risk. It's all of YOU (and all of those who against the odds might react very badly to the virus) that everyone absolutely has to think about and act responsibly for. It's a test of basic humanity for us all.

That said, I understand about unintended consequences - they need to be considered too, but not at the expense of unnecessarily throwing our fellows in harm's way.

My heart goes out to you. Keep looking after yourself!

The virus will not go away! its here to stay like the annual flu.Hopefully there will be a vaccine soon, but until then, we must remember the rules, handwashing, social distancing, wearing face masks when told to do so.In this way we MAY avoid the virus, its still hanging around,its time to believe this, those who are in doubt!!

Yes, I agree with the Posters here today.
On the other hand, if there have been no new cases in your region/country for at least a month, and your borders are secure, then Covid 19 could be over in your wee patch for the moment. Otherwise follow the FACTS i.e Face coverings, Avoid large crowds, Clean clean clean,Two metre rule if you can, Self isolate if you have symptoms and book a test. Stay safe everyone.

I hope you let your OH to read what has been written here, he might just realise what an idiot he is. He is endangering your life!