Expectations from relations

I think all others here are right, you need to block her on facebook, (even your cousins, if its separate) tell him yourself you want to stay in touch very occasionally, as you do now, but you have no interest in extending contact beyond that as youve too much on your plate at moment- im sure he will, as you say, understand.And maybe block the 'other page' she found out from too- or drastic maybe, but leave FB altogether?anyone you really care about you can ring, txt, or actually visit? I have never bothered with FB even though some of my AC are on it but i dont regret this as im not constantly 'caught up' in all the hoohah that goes with it!- the friending/unfriending, the blocking/unblocking etc.seems to be exhausting (my eldest AC talks of it) but I have an ex-hubby who i stayed good friends & in contact with (in real life, not fb) and over the years all my family have still visited him & their kids regard him as grandpa (and our own son visits him too)- he remarried a good few years ago & she & i made friends a bit (turns out she grew up near me, and my ex too, but i didn't really know her then) but since my ex has gradually become ill over years, shes 'attached' herself more to my AC, and she hounded my eldest on fb whose since blocked her- then she tried my AGD's fb page to get my DD to retaliate- my eldest son no longer uses fb too now.he just goes to visit them with the kids when he can.my ex's wife uses fb to post about how bad her hubbys illness is if he goes in hosp, and my kids find this appalling! (She milks it for the sympathy for herself) consequently all my AC have now started to dislike her a lot, now my ex could be nearing his end (hopefully not) but i can see this woman trying to keep a hold on my AC even when her husbands has passed on and they frankly just do not want her to.she does have a son of her own who has his own wife&kids but they dont live near her like mine do, and hardly ever bother with her.

Sorry for long post also, but stories do sometimes need a little background.-(But Face book has a lot to answer for i think, thats why ive never bothered with it) it is possible to live life without it entirely.

Just send the yearly christmas& birthday cards if thats what you usually do, the others are right it would probably, sadly, be a mistake to even meet for coffee, but if you do, tell her in no uncertain terms you will NOT be making it a regular thing.you've moved to be near your daughter & her family, not everyone else.then cut it short tell your cousin you will ring him direct if you really feel you want to.but if you're not all that close& he understands why you're reluctant, why extend it beyond what you did before the move?Don't feel guilty that's what she's relying on.

I think you are being reasonable! I am not sure your cousin is. A few years ago one of my cousins tried to establish contact like this, trying to make us feel guilty for not visiting, even though we were bringing up 4 DC, both worked full time in demanding jobs and lived 2 hours drive away. Stick to your plans for meeting in town as it suits you. Good luck with your move.

Keep her blocked and make sure your privacy settings on FB are made to block her from seeing any posts from you. DD2 had this problem when her ex saw a picture on a joint friend's page and commented on it. She then found he had reactivated an old account so all blocked now! I think as others have said you should be guarded about seeing her at all as you absolutely deserve your retirement after all you have achieved through fostering for so long. And it will be great for your daughter and grandchildren to have you closer. Good luck x

I dont know how the fb 'works' but cant you block the messaging thing also then? If possible then i would.or as i said, FB is NOT compulsory.im sure theres more than me get along fine without it.?

Block/unbefriend her on face book. She is not your relative. Send the usual Christmas card. Do not reveal your new address. Get on with your life and your family. Engage in the activities you enjoy.

Congratulations on being such a wonderful foster parent. I am sure Social Services will be very sorry to loose you. Enjoy your move and your new life.

Don'
t give her your address!

Yes, I agree with other comments, block her on FB, make no contact when you do finally move, get on with your own lives and enjoy your own "twilight years" . It sounds very much to me as though she is hankering after a carer, after fostering 110 children you have done your bit. Well done! Enjoy the new start too.

Has your foster care training involved how to deal with bullies? They're in all walks of life. You must be used to being kind and assertive, so be that way towards her. It's as simple as that.

You owe this woman nothing, it says much about her personality that she has basically stalked you online and then demanded your attention. Don't get sucked in

Is this the cousin who is homophobic? I think that on its own is enough to make anyone not want to have contact! How awful not to accept one's son's choice of partner. Isn't that sad, here in 2020? (Well, at any time, obviously. But really.)

You are not unreasonable; in order for her not to know your address you'd have to give up the Christmas card, aside from this small change I would do nothing and ignore her. If that gets difficult then block her on Facebook, give Facebook up or start a new private account with carefully chosen friends that don't include her. She's chosen her life, you don't have to be a part of it.

Just Say No !

Just to say I have total and utter respect for foster carers . You have done a super job under most difficult circumstances. Enjoy your retirement

You can also block on messenger.

Good advice regarding fb, amazing how cousins seem to appear out of the blue nowadays. We had/have a niece a decade or so older than our AC who took it upon herself to give them advice on how they should conduct themselves. Result after a lot of upset we have had to cut her off. This lady will make your life very difficult if you get involved, ignore the fb and don't give her your new address. If she had any interest in your daughter surely she would have contacted her when she moved in and welcomed her to the town, keep well away.

I totally agree with the majority of answers- she only wants to use you so give her a wide berth. She’s not had any contact except Christmas cards -so stuff her. Do as you please in your retirement and do not let this woman manipulate her way into your life, on a regular basis. Do not feel guilty - enjoy some time for yourselves.

Being a cynic by nature, I would be looking at why she wants to be involved in your life at this late stage. It sounds like she hasn't made the effort in the past. I would be wary as she may be looking for another carer to fall back on. As before, I would set her right at the outset.

Don’t don’t get involved, not even for a coffee in town, EVER!

I am a little confused as to why there is an immediate assumption that this cousin is looking for a carer. She may be really lonely and see this as an opportunity to have somebody around to talk to but it does sound like she has an unfortunate manner.
I think I would say it would be lovely to meet when I have more time and will be in contact when I'm ready. You can meet up for coffee in town and avoid making any further arrangements unless you want to. It all seems a bit of a storm in a teacup to me. Nothing obliges you to respond to anyone on Facebook and I believe you can block messages.
I do hope you get settled in and enjoy life with your husband. It is refreshing to read that somebody wants to spend more time with their spouse.

It sounds like you will have more than enough family obligations to contend with, and have done more than your fair share of caring with all those foster children - wow! If some of her posts are racist, and she refuses to acknowledge her gay son's partner, these to me are "red flags" that this is not someone to get any closer to. I would block her on Messenger (to find out how go to Facebook's help pages). You can deliver her Christmas card by hand (preferably after dark) so she doesn't need to know your address. You sound like a kind person, and they can easily be manipulated. Be very careful.

You have an honest reason for not having to get into their lives, you're allergic to cats and dogs and they have both. Both animal's hair is usually carried on items of clothing belonging to the owners.

You don't have to lie.

You have your own life and aspirations for your new future. You've no obligations to her at all. Maybe meet up very occasionally for a drink but beware of being drawn in to further interaction. Keep at arms length and, as others have suggested, always have an excuse ready!

Ah... the dreaded slitherer's! I'm sure most of us have some of those! A door stop usually helps. Don't be afraid to use it!