Gransnet forums

AIBU

People showing off on facebook

(73 Posts)
Notjustaprettyface Sat 25-Jul-20 17:23:54

Am I being unreasonable to think that people who put lovely pics of their holiday etc on Facebook knowing that you are going through a rough patch ( husband in hospital a long way from here , unsure if he will recover fully )
are insensitive ?
Especially when that person is your sister and she knows about your current circumstances ?
What do you think ? I know that if tte roles were reversed I would be very reluctant to show off on Facebook knowing my sister was having a tough time
But maybe I am over sensitive ?
Would love to know your thoughts

Antonia Sat 25-Jul-20 17:34:33

From reading your message about your husband, I think you are understandably emotional at the moment. Your sister is enjoying her holiday and as many people do, posting on social media about it. It's probably not a personal affront though. I hope you will soon have positive news about your husband.

Grandmabatty Sat 25-Jul-20 17:39:18

You are being overly sensitive I feel,although I understand why. Your sister is just posting photos of her holiday to her Facebook friends. She isn't doing it to deliberately upset you. If it does, then unfollow her til you feel better or less sensitive. She is allowed to have a nice holiday even if you are having a rough time.

geekesse Sat 25-Jul-20 17:44:58

Your own sadness and stress may be leading you to misinterpret your sister’s FB habits. She’s probably just sharing something fun, with no thought of how individuals may read them. So in that sense, yes, you are being a little unreasonable. If it offends or upsets you, just block her posts for a bit.

Chewbacca Sat 25-Jul-20 17:47:43

Facebook is a force for good and ill Notjust and it can be used to showboat what an amazing, wonderful, perfect life they have. People tend not to post to say how unhappy or miserable or worried they are and so it creates a false reality. I'm sure your sister wouldn't mean to deliberately hurt you, she's just having a nice break on holiday and is able to share her photos with friends and family via Facebook. Please don't take it to heart.

BlueBelle Sat 25-Jul-20 17:58:04

I can understand your fears and upset over your husband but you really can’t expect everyone else in the family to not post any Happypictures on fb in case it worries you
Probably best not to keep looking at FB if it’s upsetting you
You are over sensitive at the moment

Elegran Sat 25-Jul-20 18:21:07

My sympathies for the stress you are going through, but you are not alone in your position. Every day of life at least one person you know is going through a bad patch. Every person you know has a friend somewhere who is going through a bad patch. Some people have lives that are mostly bad patches with a few good patches scattered about.

Do you think that no-one should ever post on Facebook, therefore, that they have had a wonderful time? That no-one should laugh in the street in case one of the crowd of other people around them is feeling miserable?

Your daughter can't undo her holiday - it has happened and she is telling the truth when she posts pics to show it. Can you find it somewhere in your heart to be pleased that she enjoyed it, and not grudge it her? She didn't steal it from you, you know, and she can't wipe out your worries by denying that she was there.

harrigran Sun 26-Jul-20 10:11:12

I understand how you feel, my sister posted photos of them lying round the pool in the sunshine and what they had to eat and so on. I had just had major surgery and was having chemo, but that is life ours may be on hold but everyone else carries on.

Mollygo Sun 26-Jul-20 10:52:55

It must be really hard for you to see that at the moment but she won’t have put it on there to upset you.
You could always use the ‘snooze for 30 days’ facility to give yourself a break or ask your sister to block you for a while.
It sounds as if things are really grim for you at the moment. I hope they improve soon. Sending a virtual hug.😘

Kim19 Sun 26-Jul-20 10:52:56

Don't do FB. Find the whole concept scary. However, I do understand it to be a place where one does a blow by blow account of personal activities therefore 'all about me' sounds not unreasonable even although it may lack sensitivity.

Shelmiss Sun 26-Jul-20 10:56:15

No, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I wouldn’t do that to my sister and (I hope) she wouldn’t do it to me.

Theoddbird Sun 26-Jul-20 10:56:43

You can stay friends on Facebook but turn off from her posts. She won't be aware that you have done this. Click on the 3 dots at side of one of her posts and it will come up as a choice.

Alexa Sun 26-Jul-20 10:57:52

I agree with Chewbacca. Facebook is like what photo albums used to be; showcasing all the happiness and none of the other.

Granartisan Sun 26-Jul-20 11:00:23

Why do people hardly ever post the 'bad' bits?

Alexa Sun 26-Jul-20 11:01:15

People don't tell the whole truth on Facebook but select only the superficial . You don't need Facebook at this time !

grandMattie Sun 26-Jul-20 11:02:30

I think it's hilarious how everyone on Facebook is better/bigger or worse/more upset, etc. than the others. As someone once said, if you go to Tenerife, _they- got to "Elevenrife"...

Alexa Sun 26-Jul-20 11:03:39

Granartisan, is it because we don't trust most other people to be gentle with us or even to like us when we are unhappy?

Sparkling Sun 26-Jul-20 11:07:05

I don’t use Facebook, but my family do. Your sister doesn’t mean to hurt you I’m sure, try not to go on facebook, sorry you are having such a difficult time.

TrendyNannie6 Sun 26-Jul-20 11:10:31

Some people put their whole lives on Facebook, some show off, but since it’s their social media they can post what they want to, I’m not a fan of it, but for some it’s a lifeline which thousands enjoy, I doubt if your sister posted it to upset you, but you are feeling very sensitive at the moment which is understandable

Jane10 Sun 26-Jul-20 11:12:01

What's wrong with posting pictures of people's lives? As previously stated Facebook can be like photograph albums recording high days and holidays. Perfectly understandable. What isn't so understandable is expecting people to take into consideration exactly how every one of their followers might or might not be feeling. Nobody forces you to look at Facebook.

Gingergirl Sun 26-Jul-20 11:14:50

FB can be great but some people on there like to big it up and don’t know when to stop...it’s essential for their egos! You aren’t being over sensitive. On FB or otherwise, talking excessively about your holiday at this time is a selfish thing to do. Give FB a wide birth perhaps...or ‘unfollow’ her for a bit so you don’t see her posts.

Tanjamaltija Sun 26-Jul-20 11:20:09

Your sister surely did not put the pictures there to spite you - she put them out there for all the world to see. She could have blocked you from seeing them, but in that case someone might have told you about them. You could avoid going to her wall, or not click on the pictures if they come up in your feed. Having said that - I was very hurt when one woman, when I had just mentioned in passing that one of my children had left university (he later returned and graduated), immediately began boasting of how her daughter [his age] was already planning for her second degree...

Jane10 Sun 26-Jul-20 11:27:27

People just talk about their lives. It's not boasting. Sometimes things go better for other people. I'm happy to see my friends and family having good times. I don't grudge them in the least. In fact I'm more concerned at others who do. 😐

Joesoap Sun 26-Jul-20 11:35:36

I think you maybe a little oversensitive because of your present circumstances, understandably.Your sister is just sending photos to everyone, as we all do when on holiday, maybe if you block her when she is on holiday, or try not to check on her page.
I hope your Husband makes a full recovery,look after yourself.

Ann2 Sun 26-Jul-20 11:48:29

I can totally understand where you are coming from. Unfortunately, people do tend to use FB as a means to show others what a wonderful time/relationship/food etc they have - and this can be very insensitive to others who are not so fortunate. Sadly, I also think that people who "overdo" this can be very needy people looking for appreciation/admiration/gratification from those who look at their posts and post lovely comments in return. I find it very sad that we live in a world which, for many, is played out on FB. I do think that your sister is being somewhat insensitive - however, I think that the best thing to do is to unfollow her posts for a while - someone above has explained how to do this if you are unsure. Perhaps when she is home, and the time is right, you could say gently how you feel (depends I suppose on the relationship you have with her). I unfortunately do not have that type of relationship and have simply chosen to unfollow. I am so sorry that you are experiencing difficult times, and I send my very best wishes to you both.