Gransnet forums


I have a tricky friend.

(69 Posts)
PamelaJ1 Sat 25-Jul-20 17:55:56

She is quite needy and I give her as much time and support as I can
She has a project at the moment and a new man in her life. I am very happy for her and for me because she will need me less.
She sent me a message , see photo of the conversation . I turned up for tennis- she didn’t.
I could have done something else this afternoon.
If she had apologised profusely and said she had forgotten I would have understood. Even I am not perfect and have forgotten things!
But she didn’t. AIBU to expect more of an apology or is it her way of saying that now I am no longer important?
I’m in blue.
I need a witty comment that shows her, in a nice way, that I am p*** off.
Suggestions welcome.

BlueBelle Sat 25-Jul-20 18:04:39

Oh dear I wouldn’t be looking for an amusing comment I would not even answer it and she would nt be getting another invitation from me

Harris27 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:08:56

Me neither.

Illte Sat 25-Jul-20 18:09:07

I think I would say Why didn't you let me know you would not be coming? I had other things I could have done.

And see what the answer is.

Actually I would really like to see what she says. Personally I think this is a friend you can do without!

Elegran Sat 25-Jul-20 18:09:17

Ask her "What WERE you doing at 2 pm that was so thrilling and exhausting that you were too tired even to tell me you were too knackered to meet me for the game of tennis you suggested? And talking of ??John?? how is he, anyway? Still keeping fit? Does he play tennis too?"

Or something similar.

Chewbacca Sat 25-Jul-20 18:17:44

Nah, I'd kick that into the long grass. She presumably got a better offer for this afternoon and blew you to one side. Being used as a fall back isn't a premise for friendship; it's disrespectful and annoying and you don't need a "friend" who would do something like this to you.

PamelaJ1 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:18:01

I think I agree with all of you.
I have always thought that she is on the autistic spectrum so have given her sometimes odd ways a bit of slack but this , I think, is the straw that has broken my back.

seacliff Sat 25-Jul-20 18:22:04

For me and my friends, if I'd had your message suggesting 3pm, I would have replied with a thumbs up or confirmation.

She is so rude. As she seems to take more than she gives, with your friendship, I would probably just drop her, unless you really don't want to. At the very least I would ignore future suggestions for meeting, for some time.

Bellanonna Sat 25-Jul-20 18:26:05

That was appalling Pamela. I would let it cool off for a while, or write in the vein suggested by Elegran. I’d have been really peed off.

MissAdventure Sat 25-Jul-20 18:27:06

I think that's the trouble with texts - it's as if it's not a real arrangement.
I'm not excusing your friend, by the way.

biba70 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:32:26

I read the texts twice- and there was no confirmation at all on your part- no reply to her proposal of 3 pm- Why didn't you put a 'thumbs up' at least, or just a quick 'great, see you then' or similar.

jenpax Sat 25-Jul-20 18:37:49

I can see she didn’t confirm the arrangement, BUT she didn’t give that as the reason for her no show only that she was too tired! I wouldn’t bother texting her again or replying to any invites she sends, if she asks why just say you felt it was rude of her to not only blow you out but also to not even apologise!!

Oopsadaisy3 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:40:02

The OP is in blue, the friend texted that she didn’t turn up because she was ‘too knackered’.
Not much of a friend is she? Cast her off.

PamelaJ1 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:40:40

Biba, I was the one who suggested 3pm.

SueDonim Sat 25-Jul-20 18:42:11

I wouldn’t have gone to the tennis unless she had replied to confirm your 3 o’clock idea. It seems weird she didn’t reply to that when she suggested it in the first place! confused

janeainsworth Sat 25-Jul-20 18:43:03

Biba and there was no confirmation at all on your part- no reply to her proposal of 3 pm
It was Pamela's proposal. not her friend's.

Pamela I would reply 'too knackered to let me know, obviously' followed by an angry emoticon.
Unless you get a profuse apology, not a friend worth keeping, imho.

geekesse Sat 25-Jul-20 18:48:00

She didn’t confirm the 3pm arrangement when you suggested it. You probably assumed it was a fixed arrangement while she assumed you would contact her to confirm. Crossed wires?

PamelaJ1 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:56:00

We often play on a Saturday and so I presumed that, as she had suggested it in the first place, the fact that she didn’t respond to the message meant that 3 was fine.
I was wrong.
I think I will leave the ball in her court?? and see what happens. Sometimes doing nothing is best.??‍♀️

biba70 Sat 25-Jul-20 18:59:46

sorry, so the other way round- she herself never confirmed- why didn't you ask her if that was a firm yes?

fevertree Sat 25-Jul-20 19:03:38

Crikey, Pamela these forums are public and you've copied a personal text on here! I'd be worried it "goes viral".

Chewbacca Sat 25-Jul-20 19:05:44

Nobody needs a flaky friend. Nothing more irritating than making arrangements and then fretting as to whether they'll show up or not or bail beforehand. People like that are hard work and rarely worth it.

PamelaJ1 Sat 25-Jul-20 19:07:51

biba, as she instigated the conversation I presumed that was fine.
I think that , in her place, I would have responded if it hadn’t been convenient wouldn’t you?
This has happened before and we have both turned up.
As I said - if she had said she had forgotten I would have understood. Was she too tired to let me know she wouldn’t be there? It’s not that tiring to pick up a phone.

PamelaJ1 Sat 25-Jul-20 19:09:46

Fevertree, there are no identifying features on the conversation.
Why would something so insignificant to the world in general go viral?

Lucca Sat 25-Jul-20 19:21:34


sorry, so the other way round- she herself never confirmed- why didn't you ask her if that was a firm yes?

She did Not need to. Friend obviously agreed as she later said “sorry too knackered”. Rather than “oh I didn’t realise we had agreed a time”.
PamelaJ I’d ignore her for a good while !

fevertree Sat 25-Jul-20 19:27:42

The "go viral" was said in jest, however I'd still be nervous about putting so much information about someone on a public forum (text + back story).