Money to children

Buffy I wouldn't say anything to your son as you don't want to cause a lot of upset or a row. Just stop giving them money unless it is a special occasion.

Don't give them a penny more and tell your son to not help brother in law his parents should tell him to get his act together and they should give him a loan with regular repayments. People should look after themselves not expect parents or siblings to bail them out maybe you shouldn't have given them money either then they wouldn't have been able to help her brother

I agree with Golden age. If you are concerned what money you gift is spent on give it with the clear message of what you want it spent on. We give our children some money each month that we ask them to use to over pay on their mortgage. In this way we are helping them towards a quicker repayment of their mortgages. If they then waste their own earned money that's up to them but we have the satisfaction of knowing we have helped them buy their homes. If money is given with an obligation for it to be used for a certain purpose the recipient can always refuse if they don't want to do that. We also pay for family holidays, that way we get enjoyment of shared time together and our children get to use the money they would have spent on a holiday on something else. My parents used to do this for me too.
You need to have a Frank discussion and explain how you would like to see money you give spent. If the recipient doesn't want this then they don't accept the money. If you don't want the discussion you you either don't give the money or if you give it you don't ask what happens to it.

It might be better if you offer financial support for a specific thing. When my nephew was having hardship I offered to pay a months council tax for him. I didn't offer him X amount of cash to chose what to do with. When sons car broke and was beyond repair I knew he needed it to get to work so offered him money to buy another second hand one. i made it clear money was gift for car so he could get to work and not lose his job. Both times gift was gratefully received and spent on on item specified. When I inherited money from my Mum I passed some on to each child and made it clear money was there's to do with as they wished. Dd paid hers off her house and both D's bought furniture with theirs.

GoldenAge
I couldn’t agree more