Must be a Bad Grandma

Im with you on this one, all of my gc are lovely but I decided before they were even born I was not going to be a babysitter ad lib and we do have a very good relationship with all 8 of them, albeit fairly distant but it was my choice and my daughters respected that and have only asked when there was no alternative which was fine.

I know just how you feel , just take a step back and button your lip. I’ve had similar with my Sil
Came home from a few days at there’s and burst into tears from held in anger!! I don’t know an answer but from going home and having a large glass of wine !! It helped .

If we are asked to look after the GC we have them here. When I have sat at their home they either go to their rooms to watch TV or lay in playroom. When they come here we play board games before bed & they are as good as gold. They much prefer coming here so we only go there if they have to be out early the next morning-- football, golf lessons. dance class etc.
I am sad to say the older ones are now fine to leave alone & the little ones won't be long following. I shall really miss it.

I agree with most.. we have them at ours to babysit (they are good kids tbf) but I find it more of a "chore" I have to fit in to my schedule. I'm retired so should be "free" ......

My GC are now 14, 17 and 21. I have never babysat for them. I told DS that I wouldn't, from day one. However, now that they are older, I love to spend time with them, and they love coming to me, or so they say. They are always asking to stay over, and I happily let them. Babies/toddlers are just not that interesting, even if you do love them.

I agree, we can’t all like doing the same things. I personally have loved having all 5 GC, even all together at times ! and have had some lovely times ... however, I’ve never been restrained on discipline, the parents have always accepted that I am firm but fair !

We’re all different and why should you enjoy babysitting the Grandchildren when they have bad manners and are not well behaved?

It's difficult, isn't it. I had one set of grandchildren that I just couldn't get on with until I had to stop looking after them. I think we just didn't really like each other then. The others I never had a problem with and will be with them at the drop of a hat. I love them all, I hasten to say and I think that DiL's way of doing was so very different to mine.

I love minding the GC and do so whenever I have the opportunity/availability. Not done so recently but just wondering how all you GPs manage on a rainy day when no commercial outlets are available in this Covid confusion. There are only so many pictures/games one can play in a day. My norm would have been to go to a swimming pool, playpark, museum et al with a fun snack thrown in. Hats off to all of you who achieve this.

Thank goodness it’s not just me! Here’s me always thinking I’m a bad grannie.
Yep, I feel the same way as most. No longer have the patience, disagree with their ways of parenting, no longer have the energy. I love when they visit and then love when they leave... then spend and hour or so cleaning and looking for sticky finger marks and empty drink cartons etc ?‍♀️

Maybe there is an advantage to my GC being in Australia! but it’s a shame to be missing so much of their changes during this lockdown.

I just don't understand (lucky me I suppose). When our daughter was small, if she ever spent time with just her Grandparents she was better behaved than at home - she wanted them to like her, and was vaguely worried about incurring their criticism. They were of course, lovely to her, but a bit of a look or a silence was enough to make their point if necessary. Why on earth you should have to civilise grandchildren!!! - They are not fit to be left with you until they can behave better.

I'm with you Mamie5. Fortunately our lot all live too far away for anything other than rare, desperate babysitting duties.

Do what is right for you. Sometimes you just have to say no. If I am caring for GCs, usually in their home , it’s my rules. However my S and D have in the main similar rules. Nothing worse than rude, disobedient children. In saying that they all have their moments! Make your decision and don’t feel guilty about it.

You’re not a bad grandma. You are not obliged to look after grandchildren and if you are stressed it’s time you stopped and simply let ds and dil look after their own children. Generally, grandparents are unpaid help and it’s as if we are there for our children’s convenience. Make the gks welcome when they visit with their parents and leave it at that.

Beach mostly for me Kim. I check the tide times and we go at low tide. Huge empty beach, rock pools, digging. He can run free and safe. It's heaven. The best summer I've ever had.

It's difficult, especially if you feel you are being 'used'. If you are stressed out by looking after them, then that may affect your health and then you won't be able to do it. It would be nice if they were warned to be good for Grandma. Perhaps you should give them a severe talking-to for their unacceptable behaviour when you're there and 'consequences' for their bad behaviour (see Super Nanny). That would be completely reasonable, but probably still exhausting. You could always resort to some old fashioned bribery - "if you ... then ..."! Grandma's can get away with this I think. If your DIL and son don't like it, then perhaps they won't ask you any more! The children are probably crying out for some secure boundaries. But if you don't want to do it any more, and who can blame you, just say so and explain why, though you love them dearly. Hopefully, there are not issues like ADHD with the children, because that would need some specialist advice. Good luck.

Children don't seem to be taught volume control theses days. Couple with child of around 3 years moved in next door recently. Child routinely screams the place down in fits of petulance at least four or five times a day when she doesn't want to do something. Husband works away. I wonder why? I would be happy to babysit a child with manners. I do appreciate that young children unable to verbalise have to shout to express their needs.

Horton1828 I could have written exactly the same as you. I love my grandchildren ( 3 of them ranging from nearly 11 to 1) but can’t manage than all on my own- individually it’s ok.
I thought I felt this way because I’d worked with Primary aged children until I retired 3 years ago.
Feel I’ve done my bit but conversely now he has more time it’s Grandad who’s keen to have them... missed out maybe when ours were little?

Can you say to the parents “I can’t babysit any more because the way your children never do as I ask is very stressful and not very safe?”

I’m looking after my granddaughters 4 & 6 during the week until school starts again. They play beautifully together with lots of imaginative games and very little tv. Very rarely a squabble or crying. THEN my daughter arrives and chaos reigns. Maybe they are punishing her for leaving them with me. Anyway, what I am trying to say is, give it a try. I am quite firm with them and they do as they’re told so we all get along well. Easier without daughter here than with.

I’m ? with you Mamie5. In fact I could have written your post! Mine are rude and undisciplined too and dil has zilch behaviour management skills. I dread them coming to stay. In fact last time I made them decamp to other gp’s as I couldn’t stand it another night. Poor son is desperate to escape the relationship as the marriage is going downhill rapidly. Dil is a tricky customer so I just shut up and keep my head down ? p.s. I love the kiddies but don’t like their behaviour of course ?‍♀️

If it's any consolation, I considered my brother's children to be undisciplined and almost feral at times when they were little, but now they are adults they are some of the nicest, most caring people you could ever wish to meet. My grandchildren, like many others these days, have more free and easy lives than my kids but I have concluded that so long as they are loved they'll turn out ok in the end - it's just a different way of parenting than perhaps people of our generation had. When I look after my grandchildren I just keep this in mind, bite my tongue, and accept that this is the way my DD chooses to bring them up and I respect her decision.

Well I'm a bad grandma as well because as much as I love my gc I do not want to look after them. My dil and I don't get on so they usually visit with DS. We have been asked to have them couple times in an emergency but my stbxh is the one who agreed to that. Fortunately my DS is quite firm with them but dil would let them run riot just to do the opposite to what she thinks I would find appropriate. Dont see them loads but do facetime and they visit about once a month. That's certainly enough for me I find small children funny, fascinating but very tiring.

They seem to think you love it and are always ready tell her straight no thanks