2nd best Granny

Would someone like to translate the abbreviations on here please? I get SIL, but DD etc.,?........

I live in a bubble with my youngest daughter, son-in-law and their 2 girls, so I am lucky to be able to see them on a daily basis. However, I have other grandchildren I am unable to see in the same way, thanks to this damn virus. I keep in touch face timing them, phoning or texting them, writing to them and sending books via Amazon to them from time to time. I don't look upon their other Grannies as competition just because they live with or nearer to them. You say your daughter asked if she should feel an obligation to see you. Perhaps an honest chat Mum to daughter without putting pressure or blame on either side might sort it out. Keeping communication open is always good.

The other grandparent might have felt sidelined whilst you were very hands on as well.
Make the best of every situation you are in. Tread very carefully, don't come across as desparate dont come across as bitter.
It's clear from what you have said , it's been convenient for your daughter to call on you on her terms.Smell the coffee wise up.
It's not a competition dont make it so .
I feel your pain

@Issipy
DD Dear daughter

I have always thought it unfair that lone GPS have so much more access and natural contact with their family. Whereas just because there’s two of you, you’re penalised. What annoys me also (to get it off my chest!) is that there seems no recognition of this by the government and the heartache that it’s causing us to not be able to touch our GCs. It’s no wonder that some families are going against guidelines. I would make every effort to visit your family. It sounds like your daughter was very harsh with her comments but I would explain that you’re missing them so much, get to see them at least. Spend as much time as you can with them...at a distance. Don’t focus on the other GP- it’s not a competition and your GC won’t be making any preferences and I’m sure they’re missing your contact as much as you, theirs.

I have a very healthy happy relationship with the 'other' GM. However, I never ask or pursue any activities she has with the GC and family. If I discover something in the midst of conversation, so be it. Otherwise it can turn into a sort of competition as to who has the most time or who is the 'favourite'. Such rubbish. I genuinely believe, in the main, that a girl will veer more toward her natural Mother than the outlaw. This current C situation has complicated this. Try not to be upset. None of us has 'rights' in the family circle. Just keep on oozing love. Enjoy buying school shoes etc (I certainly do) but don't expect any return on that. Families can be testing but all worth it nonetheless. Good luck.

Urmston gran (another Lancastian I assume) said it all on page 1
It is what it is .
Try to accept things as they are .It is not a competition.
What has happened to you has happened to millions of others I dare say with regard to "the bubble".
I am afraid it is something they and you have to accept.

I think I’m good At some granny things and other granny is good at others. She’s more caring. I’m more fun etc. And so it goes. We each have our strengths as grandparents, don’t make it a competition because that can sour the relationship both with your daughter and son in law and also other granny.

@Sugarpufffairy
Likewise...I too have backed away for the same reasons. No more mind games or stressing about doing the right thing.

I don't understand, I thought this bubble thing was over now, unless living in an area particularly badly hit at the moment. Surely families can meet each other now...taking precautions if necessary.

Thank you!

I think that there needs to be a recognition by some posters here that some grandparents are VERY very manipulative and definitely want to be the ‘premier’ granny or granddad!

In our case, my son-in-law’s parents have actually told our 4 year old grandson that they are better at looking after children than us because they have had more children. One of many negative comments about us told to the children by the ‘other’ grandparents I’m afraid.

We have been edged out of lots of outings by them, and after a very difficult holiday away with all of us, where they would, for example, find a breakfast table that wasn’t big enough to include us even though there were tables for 8 around, we decided not to enter into the competition.

And yes, it does take a village to raise a family, and yes things may change in time but when there is one needy and selfish grandma in the family, it can and does cause a lot of heartache. Covid has added to this division in some cases, and has been used to good effect by these needy grandparents.

I hope that everything works out well for you, and perhaps like us, just ‘button it’ at the moment and wait for calmer and happier times ?

The “other” grandmother stayed with my son’s family for four months as one granddaughter had to shield, therefore the whole family did apart from my son. She is a widow and in a better position. I was so grateful for what she had done for them that I sent some flowers when she went home. We finally saw them in July but had done FaceTime and I had sent parcels etc. I have learned not to be jealous.

After thought Grandma here! Sometimes dealing with what feels like I am having a toddler tantrum. I keep those feelings between myself and OH though although sometimes I feel close to yelling "that's not fair.I want to do it!"They do bring GD round to visit but DIL mum got in first on child care (4 days per week) also babysitting and first dibs on going round for birthday. Christening all DIL family and relatives and just 3 of us.We are always left for seconds and that has been how it is since they got married so I was sort of prepared but wasnt quite ready for the anger I feel bubbling up from time to time! Still it is what it is and the brisk walks I take to calm down will keep me fit!

You do seem to be seeing your DD so that is more than many. My DS's family are very relaxed about visiting, one DD is really frightened that she will give us the virus and we meet still at a distance outside. Other DD is 100s of miles away and I haven't seen her or GC for nearly a year that is life at present. Just discuss it all as little as possible and never suggest the other gran is the main one, she isn't she is just with them at present.

I don't know anyone who is doing this stupid bubble business and every grandparent/family member is being treated/visited just the same as they were before. I also don't know anyone who has had covid and no one has died in my area either!!

I don’t understand either Bamm - I thought you could now visit other households?

When our first grandchildren were expected my late husband said to me " Don't interfere, don't criticise, don't say anything or expect anything . We have had our time and now it is their time. They will bring up their children differently from the way we did. Times change". From that moment on I have done exactly that and just as important never criticise the other Granny. It can only lead to heartache. We all have different ways . I have to stuck to that and I will only give my opinion when asked for it which I am glad to say is very often. " Mum, what do you think......?" He was a wise old bird, my husband because I have looked after all 4 of mine till they went to school and never a cross word. They never criticise my grand parenting skills either, even if I do indulge them.

Love is immeasurable.
But, if I'm honest, I'm a little jealous of my DiL's dad who gets to see my gorgeous grandkids more than me.
This is a bit silly because I know my DGS and DGD love me so much but I guess, as humans, we are a tad competitive. What we have to do is not let it eat us up and live by my first sentence.
And I agree with someone above who said the more love these little people receive, the better!

I don’t think you are being deliberately side lined, I think it is more to do with the other Gran being in their bubble, which she was able to do as she lives alone.
My friend is in a bubble with her Son and Dil and although thrilled to be able to see her family, is finding it hard.
Her and other Grandparents used to share child minding but as she is in the bubble, it is all down to her now and much as she loves them, she is exhausted looking after them more.
So, she is looking forward to when the other Grandparents are able to see them more.

Agree with Twinnytwin and Urmstongran whole heartedly.

My DILs parents live in the North East - we are down South so every school holiday my 3 granddaughters were sent up to DILs parents. We picked them up 1 say a week after school, but would gave like to have seen them more. We are so luvky now however, all grown up 19, 22 and 24 and spend so much time popping over to us and when it was possible shopping trips and lunches out sovwe are definitely reaping the benefit now. Things do change over time

Issipy. Near the top and the bottom of each page you will see a line which starts with Active / I’m on / Watching....
Click on Acronyms (should read abbreviations but I’m a pedant ?)
There is a long list of the most common abbreviations used but you will be able to work out others due to context in time.
The Dear prefix is the most irritating. E.g. My DH has left me for a 21 year old, but in time you become used to it.
Welcome to gransnet.

Its so hard to feel pushed out but they are not your kids. Just be there for them all and not to be upset.

The other thing that is hard is seeing the imbalance in photos on social media, far more happy, beaming pics of the other (maternal) grandparents and their family are posted. I have to ask someone to take pictures of me with my grandchild otherwise there'd be hardly any. So hard to 'like' all the photos, but it's expected.