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AIBU

2nd best Granny

(96 Posts)
Susiewakie Tue 25-Aug-20 12:11:46

Hi need to talk to someone about this going mad .AIBU I have 2 lovely GDGD's until 2nd one came along i looked after DGD1 a lot even while working to help out etc. Fast forward to now and although I know the kids love me and hubby we are being sidelined .Sorry to rant but so upset it has been gradually fading me out while Sil mother is main Granny now .Thanks to the virus they are a bubble with her she has them for sleepovers etc I'm not allowed to touch them etc .My heart is breaking into bits tbh ? ?. My daughter said yesterday if I thought she was obligated to see me because she's a only child no chance .I only said lucky other Granny able to see them properly .I have continued buying school shoes and uniform got them a tramploine etc but am I being overly sensitive ? Help Grans

TanaMa Wed 26-Aug-20 15:56:32

I have grandchildren who I love very much and Ihave helped when needed. However Ican never understand the need to play 'pass the parcel' between different sides of the family! As long as they are being loved and not hurt in anyway just be thankful for what time you do spend with them. They will decide for themselves when they are old enough!

Harris27 Wed 26-Aug-20 16:02:00

I realised a along time ago I was not going to compete I do what I have to then leave it I won’t enter a competion watched my sister try to compete with her grand children and I won’t do it. Know I’m second best in the running but can’t do anything about it.

Maggiemaybe Wed 26-Aug-20 16:27:20

There seems to be a lot of confusion about bubbles. As I understand it, and I may well have missed something, this the situation in England:

Being in a bubble means you are essentially part of the same household, so can sit close to each other, travel in the same car, sleep over in the same house and yes, cuddle the grandchildren who are part of the bubble!

Those who aren’t in a bubble can meet up with people from another household in a garden or even indoors, but are still supposed to maintain social distancing (so no cuddles).

The poor saps like me who live in the special lockdown zones and aren’t part of a bubble can only meet people from other households when they’re outside, in public spaces, keeping their social distance. Fingers crossed we’ll be let out soon. smile

annep1 Wed 26-Aug-20 16:50:01

I know very little about bubbles. But perhaps the other granny lives closer? There must be some reason why she was chosen. The bubble thing will have caused problems and hurt for many I think.
If you're daughter put it as bluntly as "no chance" that is quite rude and I would understand you feeling hurt. Maybe she was stressed at the time she said it.

Hopefully when this crisis is past things will be more normal for you. If not, perhaps you could try talking about it with your daughter.

Maggiemaybe Wed 26-Aug-20 16:56:17

The OP doesn’t live alone, annep1, so she couldn’t have been chosen for the bubble. Presumably the other gran lives on her own.

welbeck Wed 26-Aug-20 17:16:34

i was shocked to read what
Grannycantsitonthefloor
wrote about the other granny:

Well she swung on the swing, went to jump off and ......yes....... her arse got stuck in between the ropes and she fell flat on her back with one hell of a wallop !!!!
That put her out of action for a bit !!!! ??

annep1 Wed 26-Aug-20 17:44:20

I see Maggiemaybe. Well that explains it then. Thanks.

annep1 Wed 26-Aug-20 17:51:16

The poor saps like me who live in the special lockdown zones and aren’t part of a bubble can only meet people from other households when they’re outside, in public spaces, keeping their social distance.
Poor you indeed, not even able to meet in the garden. I hope it's not for too long.
We are still reluctant to have people indoors. My OHs son visited yesterday. It rained so we had to come indoors and sit at a distance in the kitchen with masks. Verry strange.

Maggiemaybe Wed 26-Aug-20 17:58:59

Thank you, annep1. We’d just got round to having a couple of indoor meetings when we were shut down again. Strange days indeed.

Grandmama Wed 26-Aug-20 19:05:20

Susiewakey: I'd be upset, very upset in your shoes. flowers Try to keep positive, situations can change.

Fairylights1 Wed 26-Aug-20 19:23:18

I cannot understand a things that shortend to just letters! ?

agnurse Wed 26-Aug-20 19:50:57

One thing for everyone to consider:

When your children were young, how many times did they say to you, "So-and-so gets to have/go/eat/wear/do whatever! Why can't I?" What was your response to them? Do you see any parallels?

janeainsworth Wed 26-Aug-20 20:45:23

agnurse What was your response to them?
Because I say so grin

Susiewakie Wed 26-Aug-20 21:14:15

For the record have pulled myself together will enjoy sering the kids when I can . The other granny lives miles away and see them every week Thursday at theirs Sunday lunch at hers or she has a fit .I try to be laid back but I flipped after mt daughters comment .Thanks everyone xx

janeainsworth Wed 26-Aug-20 21:19:20

Good thinking Susie. Tell yourself you’re the grown-up in the room thanks

janeainsworth Wed 26-Aug-20 21:30:28

welbeck i was shocked to read what Grannycantsitonthefloor wrote about the other granny

I was too. A horrid post.

Hithere Wed 26-Aug-20 21:40:24

Agnurse,
Nailed it.

jocork Wed 26-Aug-20 22:01:10

My first GC is due next month and at present my DS and DiL are living with DiL's parents quite a distance from me. They are moving to Germany in October as DS has a new job there. When they told me about the job and the baby (found out both the same day) DS said " The great thing is that you'll be retired by then so you'll be able to come over to Germany and help us settle." Of course that was before Covid19 and now I don't know if I'll be able to go to Germany anyway. I put off retiring as didn't want to leave from working at home as I want to leave from something. The other GPs are younger than me so won't be so available but live quite a distance away in the UK. Thankfully we all get on well. I know they will see much more of the baby in the first few weeks but they have invited me to go over to stay when baby arrives. There is no point being jealous. The circumstances are what they are. Once the new little family move to Germany we'll all be at a distance while DS works out his contract after which they will return to the UK but we don't know where they will live. I may be closer then but maybe not. I'm just grateful for the time I get to spend with my adult children - they both live quite a distance away but we see each other when we can. This year has been hard for all of us. Those who live close to children and grandchildren probably feel as if they are missing out more as a result of the restrictions, yet when things return to normal they will see them more again. Those of us who live long distances away will still see them very infrequently.
I remember when my own MiL used to complain about how long it was since she'd seen us and I had to point out that my own mother had seen us far less because there was 3 times the distance involved. Just because things are unequal it doesn't make them unfair!

newnanny Wed 26-Aug-20 22:33:53

I can't see my dgc ATM as DH is shielding. I send a postcard which they love to get through post or an odd packet of Pokémon cards. I chat to them on facetime and they like to see my dogs and cats. Just find a way to keep in touch with them.

Jaye53 Wed 26-Aug-20 23:23:59

I thought the"obligated" remark by your daughter sounded very rude and unnecessary (in my opinion )