Is it way, way off the radar to call a step mum 'Mum'

My stepdaughter calls me Mom. That's her choice. Originally she called me by my Christian name, but she eventually switched to Mom. Her mum is still alive, but sadly they are estranged (long story; LOT of dysfunction over at her mum's home).

My stepson calls me by my first name, which is fine. His father and I have been married for 37 years. What I find a little bit strange is that in front of his daughter he refers to me as Grandma Cabbie, i e first name.

I think there is a big difference between in-laws and stepchildren though. In-laws are adults and can make their own decisions about what to call one another, but children are different.

My adult step children call me by my first name. They were 13, 15 and 17 when I first met them. All living with dad. They are now mid to late 30s.
One refers to me as 'mammy' in a jokey way. The years passed and generally if they introduce me to anyone it's usually as mum or as their parents. Their choice. All their friends of course know I am actually step mum. They've been estranged from their biological mum since about 3 years after she left.
All of the dgc aged 3 - 13 call me granny and those old enough know that daddy has another mummy. This knowledge came about quite naturally during conversation when they would have asked questions and were given truthful but suitably gentle and age appropriate answers. Anything like why did daddy's mummy go away I'd say that I didn't know daddy's mummy and perhaps they should ask daddy that one.

What is in a name eh? Not sure why OP is wondering about it or if she is the one upset. I had step children who called me by my first name until I had children with their father and then they all called me Mum also. In fact, my dad always called my mother, his wife, 'Mum'. Consequently his workmates called her mum also. Ha ha. never really bothered her, didn't bother us. I don't think it means the kids forget who everyone is, it is probably for ease more than sentiment.

It depends on how the SM treated the child for me and if the child wasn't been forced into doing it.

My daughter`s children call their dads 2nd wife by her first name, also her husband`s kids from his first marriage call my daughter by her first name.
I called my husband`s parents Mam and Dad, just like he did. All of the husbands and wives did, apart from one, she always called them Mr and Mrs S-----y.

If the child is okay with it where is the problem REALOUISLY.

For me it’s as long as it comes from the child I have no issue with it. It would sting, have no doubt, but I’d be pleased my child had another person loving them properly.

Top answer Hetty58.

I wouldn’t like it. I’ve never been in this position, but I would think it would be confusing, upsetting even, for the child. However, it could be perfectly fine if perhaps the real mum was dead, or just not on the picture. Gut reaction though , is no.

If the child feels that much affection, it sounds good to me.
A sign that the child and step mother have a good and affectionate relationship.

Far better than having a colder and more distant relationship which accentuates the difference.