Parents/Grandparents Held Hostage

My point is I wish I could be that perfect grandparent. The reason not is because I can't afford not to work.

I'd drop everything and be granny at beck and call if I could. He'll be little for 5 minutes and instead I'm in a different country. Time wasted.

GagaJo were you as devoted to your daughter - the mother of your grandson, when she was a baby?

I often wonder when reading about some grandparents almost obsessive interest in their grandchildren, were their parents the same with the grandchildren or is this interest and desire to spend so much time with grandchildren a new thing for our generation.

When I moved into the Granny flat when DGS was born a lot of my friends (not Grandparents) told me I would be 'used'.

Not the case, I chose to move here, it was only at the beginning of lockdown that DD started working outside the home.

She and I with SILs diary sit down at the beginning of each month and check dates DGS and I do a lot together and sometimes that conflicts with DDs dates so we work around it.
I had problems with SIL a couple of years after I moved here, not using me, but being jealous as his Mother died many years ago and he was upset that I was with DGS and she is not.
All sorted out now, he can still be difficult but that's just him and not aimed at me.
I still get remarks from non-grandparent friends but I put that down more to a touch of the green eyes when they see how much fun I have than anything else.

I know that feeling!
Before I became a grandmother myself I was often let down by a close friend who was at the back & call of her daughter's childcare requests.
I always felt it was too much for her as she had zero time to herself.
Now I am as doting a grandmother as you could meet and I have my little grandson 2 days a week while his parents work. I couldn't imagine life without having him now ( lockdown was very difficult) but when he goes home on the second day I sink my aching back into the bath, light my candles and look forward to the next 5 days.
It's hard work no matter how much you love them.
By day 4 I'm missing him and eager to have him back.
For me at 66 with some health issues 2 days are as much as I feel able to do & thankfully my son and his wife are delighted & hugely appreciative of how much I do.
Every family has it's own dynamic.
I think the most important thing is that children are getting good care & feel loved

Referring to post from Crimpdhalo there

Cath
This is one huge positive I see coming from Covid... young parents now working from home are appreciating spending more time with the little ones and also realizing what they were missing when they had to be out at work all day 5 days a week

I agree with you..... my sister and I spent 7 years doing 24 hour care for under 5s. We did a laundry of piles of it all night. Dishes stacked in sink with food still on them. Cleaning.... you name it we did it. Now they have cleaners coming in twice a week.... thank God for that

fatgran57

GagaJo were you as devoted to your daughter - the mother of your grandson, when she was a baby?

I often wonder when reading about some grandparents almost obsessive interest in their grandchildren, were their parents the same with the grandchildren or is this interest and desire to spend so much time with grandchildren a new thing for our generation.

It's not new at all. And it's not obsessive. My grandparents in the 1960s and 70s were just as devoted to me as I am to my grandson. They were wonderful and I have heart warming memories of them 45 years after my grandmother's death.

Just because you don't feel that way, don't try to paint those of us that do as abnormal.

What op is describing is dysfunctional families. That's what those scenarios are. Too much expectation & demand on other caregivers to look after children & those who don't see them at all, two unhealthy extremes isn't it?

Valerie F you don't speak from experience but you do seem to be aware of this situation maybe people you know? I do know from experience the emotions you feel becoming a grand parent.
I worked with my husband and we retired with little plans for our retirement. I was helping with grandchildren twelve hour shifts day after day with sons mother in law. It was both rewarding and exhausting I did it for over two years.

When our third grandchild arrived I wanted to support and help our daughter when her husband worked away.
The arragements had to change it was quite an emotional time. But as a grandparent and a wife you need to get the balance right to insure everyone gets a bit of your time. Now I help with all grandchildren when I can but not on a strict timetable. I don't want a timetable to rule our life.

21.09 10.03 Gagajo ... thoroughly agree with your post.