So a little backstory: I’m from the United States and I’m a registered nurse that has worked both in Labor & Delivery and Pediatrics. I have a middle daughter in law I am estranged from. But my oldest and youngest I have a good relationship with. I also just want to say thank you for your insight in advance.
So my youngest daughter in law brought her first baby girl into the world about 3 weeks ago. Nobody was allowed to visit for the first 2 weeks because of covid and if you are not a grandparent you cannot visit for the first 6 weeks. Her mother and I are over for a visit and we get onto the topic of what her childcare plans are when she decides to return back to work.
She and my son look at me and her mother and say they are still weighing their options but are not sure. They mention that middle daughter in law had given them a call and was suggesting to not allow family to be involved with childcare. There has been a recent rise in grandparents rights cases and allowing family or grandparents to stay with you and help or babysit could mean that they could sue for visitation or even partial custody. Her mother and I are shocked. Now son reassures us that they don’t think we would ever do that and hope that we wouldn’t. They start discussing daycare or even a nanny. We all start discussing pros and cons of each option.
We get to the grandparents option and she says that she truly never thought of grandparents or family as an option. That she chose to bring a child into this world and that passing them off for family to essentially raise them seemed wrong to her. She wasn’t planning on anyone to change feed or bathe the baby either unless they were staying overnight. She thinks that grandparents are supposed to role models and stand with the parents and spoil them every once in a while. She begins mentioning some friends who allowed their grandparents to babysit and they began doing things like disregarding the parents rules. Giving them haircuts without permission and constantly overstepping. Out of curiosity Her mother ask her about some of these cases.
My son chimes in and states one where the mother was sleeping and dad was at work. Baby in crib and mother in law snuck into their house and took the baby from the room. Mother woke up and couldn’t find the kid and mother in law sends a picture of the baby at her house. She still won visitation. Others where the grandparents won more visitation than what a divorced dad would get and access to medical and school records. Others where they were abusive and still had to allow them overnights even though they’ve never stayed with the grandparents ever.
We change the subject to overnights and unsupervised time. She and my son have decided until the baby is 1 to 1/2 they won’t be allowing overnights.
Other than that the visit went very well and I got to see my granddaughter. Is there any advice you could give me. Am I being unreasonable in thinking that it’s absurd to not want grandparents to help take care of a child if they are offering?.
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