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AIBU

'Nervous' drivers.

(48 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Fri 02-Oct-20 11:52:28

I have 2 friends who live about 15 miles away. Before lockdown we met for coffee and a walk regularly.I usually drove up to town to meet them. Today I have a sore leg and invited them to come down here for a short walk and sit in the garden. After a lot of whatifery and hesitation they declined as the traffic might be bad on a Friday. I've always had to face the same traffic which has never held me up for more than 5 minutes so I feel they just couldn't be bothered!

Illte Fri 02-Oct-20 12:08:07

Oh, I have several friends who now don't drive out of theur "comfort zone" which means routes they are familiar with and do regularly.

Who also won't drive on Fridays or Mondays 🙄 Who won't drive on dual carriageways, do slip roads, drive alone, you name it.

Whether they should actually be in a car is another matter but they are OK I think as long as they stick to what they know.

I'm sure they'll love to meet you when you can fo the driving again😬

lovebeigecardigans1955 Fri 02-Oct-20 12:20:50

We all have different ideas about what we can or can't cope with, don't we? It sounds like they have less confidence behind the wheel than you. I'm also one of the drivers who likes to stick to the local and familiar but it doesn't follow that I shouldn't be on the road at all.

Hopefully you'll be able to meet up again at some point.

Luckyoldbeethoven Fri 02-Oct-20 12:30:00

Assuming you didn't or couldn't suggest a different day, I can see that underneath the driving question, there is a hint that perhaps they couldn't be bothered to make the effort and come to you which you addressed in your last point.

Is it the same phenomenon that has cropped up in various threads on GN, that some people put all the energy in and are movers and shakers on the social scene and some indeed, can't be bothered! I've always been the energetic one and have sometimes been offended by the other's lassitude but now I take them as I find them and tell myself I can relax and not feel obligated either way re mutual engagements.

If it is important to you, why not say gently or jokingly that you are a little offended by them not wanting to come to you. You must have minded to post about it and that would clear the air for you. Best of luck, hope the leg heals swiftly.

Calendargirl Fri 02-Oct-20 13:22:15

I usually drove up to town to meet them

To me, that’s your answer. It’s not that they don’t want to meet up, they just don’t want to drive the 15 miles.

If you were within walking distance, there wouldn’t be a problem.

kircubbin2000 Fri 02-Oct-20 13:41:30

The funmy thing is one drives through city if called to work, the other goes 100 miles to an art holiday!😁

Bluebellwould Fri 02-Oct-20 13:51:14

I have only driven 250 yards to my doctors twice since March 4 th. one of which was this morning. I put a note on my dash to tell me which pedal was brake and accelerator. Just in case lol.
Talking of traffic, I live just inside M25 near Heathrow with lots of traffic. I went to see my mum who lived in Sutton on sea near Skegness. She drove us into Mablethorpe where we were stopped at a traffic lights and there were 5 cars in front of us. She was genuinely upset and apologised for the traffic jam!

silverlining48 Fri 02-Oct-20 13:52:22

I was going to say that they may only be comfortable driving very locally but clearly that’s not the case.
Hope the leg improves soon but I might not be in a hurry to drive up to them next time, especially if it’s a Friday! smile

Tea3 Fri 02-Oct-20 13:55:11

It's been tipping down since early morning where I am so maybe they were worried that a sit in the garden may end up indoors.

Daisymae Fri 02-Oct-20 13:55:43

Oh. Reading your last post it does indeed seem as if they can't be bothered, if they are able to drive distances and/or in traffic if they need to. That probably tells you all you need to know.

May7 Fri 02-Oct-20 14:03:06

Maybe they are not nervous drivers but are anxious about meeting up with you with regards to Covid?? You did say you met up regularly before lockdown Not everyone is happy to meet up with people even if it is outside
Just a thought

Luckygirl Fri 02-Oct-20 14:21:04

I do not think you are necessarily a nervous driver if you are simply aware of your limitations. I struggle with sliproad entries because I find my varifocal lenses cause side distortion. I therefore avoid them when I can; and when they are necessary I use extra caution.

Puzzled Fri 02-Oct-20 14:33:08

It all depends upon your level of confidence.
Which may well be related to your perceived level of ability.
Judged by some I see, this is a good thing, if the nervous / incompetent minimise their driving in high intensity conditions.
One dear lady insisted on driving DW to the coast. At a large roundabout: "Which way?" "Follow that blue car" "What blue car?"
DW always did the driving after that!

DW is pretty competent (She passed the county test for the school minibus. Which entitled her to drive Fire Appliances, and Ambulances as well) It was, in effect the same driving test as I took for HGV or PSV (Now PCV) drivers.
She has little fear of reversing or parking, and is prepared to drive long distances, even if she finds the concentration tiring.
She tends to accelerate harder and drive faster than I do.

kircubbin2000 Fri 02-Oct-20 15:32:39

No, it's a beautiful day here, rain tomorrow.

polnan Sat 03-Oct-20 09:45:46

oh please do not be offended! we all have different things we are not able to deal with.. I can so relate to your friends, as my friend , here, lives about that distance from me... she is always coming to me, but then she understands my inability to drive in heavy traffic.. better safe than sorry is a good saying..

friendship? understanding each others problems, (I won`t say weaknesses) and not judging. imo

grandtanteJE65 Sat 03-Oct-20 10:03:48

Tell them nicely that you had been looking forward to see them and that you are dreadfully disappointed that neither of them felt like driving a mere fifteen miles to see you.

Say that you want to see them but can't drive right now, so when will they come?

If they are not prepared to be honest and tell you that they have more or less given up driving then there is really nothing you can do about it.

Aepgirl Sat 03-Oct-20 10:18:41

If they are too nervous to drive they are best off the road.

Scottiebear Sat 03-Oct-20 10:20:11

I have become a nervous driver. Not happy about it because I've confidently driven for years. Its happened mainly due to the fact that since DH and I have retired I drive less as DH does most of the driving. I dont think you should confuse 'can't be bothered' with a genuine nervousness of driving. I do still drive but find even the thought of long distances, heavy traffic or motorway driving makes me panic. If I go out with friends and one drives i make sure I compensate them in some way - pay for petrol, lunch, or give them a lift more locally. As polnan states, we are all different. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. I have a friend who can drive all over the country, but can't place an order on line.

4allweknow Sat 03-Oct-20 10:23:30

Sounds like your friends know what they are confident with in the driving stakes. Not only the older folk acknowledge this but some young drivers too. I know of two people early 20s who were a desperate to drive especially for work. Both confided no way would they go on a dual carriageway and both still take longer routes to get to work. Saw yesterday Government is working to fast track permission for electric
scooters on roads. No licence, age limit, insurance, head gear to be required, similar to cycles.

Juicylucy Sat 03-Oct-20 10:43:59

I always feel sad reading posts like this as I hear it and see it often I have friends who are the same. The problem with this is, it makes there world even smaller. I understand how you must feel but I would look at it the other way that you are still confident enough to make the journey and drive. I think it’s not because they don’t care it’s because they are not confident driving. Wish you well.

beverly10 Sat 03-Oct-20 10:47:26

Choice is, fortunately, in most situations up to the individual. Cannot we accept unless it interferes with/causes harm or does not suit us personally just live and let live without use of the word why.?????

Chewbacca Sat 03-Oct-20 10:56:30

We're all very different; I'm a very confident driver and completely comfortable with driving pretty much any car, anywhere and in any conditions but I completely understand that others are more cautious and nervous behind the wheel. 2 of my friends actively avoid driving anywhere outside of the village. They worry about where they'll be able to park, will their be road works en route and will they be diverted, heavy lorries causing spray in wet weather etc. Neither of them has ever driven on a motorway since they passed their tests eons ago. But it's better that they don't put theirs, and other's, safety at risk if they just don't feel confident and competent enough.

dogsmother Sat 03-Oct-20 11:09:17

You are a licensed driver or not. Meaning you are deemed safe to be on the roads. If you lose confidence then for goodness sake get out there and regain it otherwise you are more likely to be a liability with dithering.
I’m sorry to be fierce but so many horrible accidents have occurred with elderly drivers particularly in automatic cars and it is because they don’t keep up (no puns intended) with skills.
Not calling anyone here elderly or incapable it’s just a particular rant I have, for good reason I might add.

biba70 Sat 03-Oct-20 11:13:13

OK, this might sound harsh- but honestly, if people cannot cope with normal road conditions, imho they should not be on the road.

Even short journeys near home, routine stuff, can turn into major challenges due to tractor, lorry, idiots, animals or children running into the road.

cornergran Sat 03-Oct-20 11:13:14

I suspect I'm an average driver. It seems reasonable to me to be more comfortable driving routes I know at less busy times. I don't avoid other areas or busy times, simply prefer easier conditions. I can understand your disappointment kircubbin, the unexpected can throw people at times, try not to brood on it, keep in touch on the phone and enjoy some chats with your friends, one day socialising will be easier again.