Mums feeding their babies but not holding the baby in their arms !

Chewbacca

^Personally, I feel sad when I see a poor baby being bottle fed^

There are a whole myriad of reasons as to why a mother cannot/does not breastfeed her baby. And the baby isn't "poor" just because it's being fed by a bottle. Heavens, I thought we were all more enlightened than that.

most babies in this country were bottle fed when i was an infant.
seemed to work out ok.

It did, didn't it welbeck! Whole generations of bottle fed babies thriving and doing well.

Even though I’m pretty confident I have to say I’m genuinely relieved to see that the majority of posters wouldn’t see me giving baby a quick bottle in the pram for any of the reasons I described above and would judge me for it.

I think lots of mums, new or experienced feel the wall of guilt that hits you when you have children. You question everything you do. Unless it’s genuinely unsafe I think the very best thing we can do is let them get on with it with encouragement and reassurance.

Happy mum equals happy baby is the truest thing Iv ever heard about parenting.

I would love for this culture of judgement and shaming of mums to disappear and I really do think overall it’s heading in the right direction.

I feel sad if I see a baby or toddler with a can of coke. There - I’m being judgemental. But I’m entitled to my feelings aren’t I? I wouldn't go up to the parent and question their choice as I’m sure I’d get a mouthful of abuse. But this idea that mums can do no wrong is actually wrong isn’t it?

Vegansrock. Yes because giving a baby or toddler a can of Coke is completely comparable to being open to different feeding methods.

I don’t think Iv read anywhere in this thread that mums can do no wrong?

vegansrock

I feel sad if I see a baby or toddler with a can of coke. There - I’m being judgemental. But I’m entitled to my feelings aren’t I? I wouldn't go up to the parent and question their choice as I’m sure I’d get a mouthful of abuse. But this idea that mums can do no wrong is actually wrong isn’t it?

We all do judge to some degree. We have our values and have arrived at those for a reason, and we make decisions based on what we think is best. So we have decided an alternative is not best in many instances. It's what we do with those judgements that matters.

I nursed all my babies because I think it's best. I thought it was the superior choice, so it's what I chose. By my values I do think choosing formula is a less ideal option where there is a choice, so I didn't do it. I don't feel that I judge mothers who choose to bottle feed though, if I'm being honest, I can't help but see it as a less ideal choice. What I don't do is glare at them or think they are a terrible parent or say something to them. What I do is choose to nurse my own.

I don't think there is anything wrong with the regular every day internal judgements we make, because we all do it from time to time. We just have to accept that we can use those feelings to form our own course of action and just leave everyone else to their own ways.

I have seen babies with coca cola or tea in a bottle on more than one occasion. Obviously we have to keep our thoughts to ourselves even on threads like this, lest we are accused of being judgemental which is obviously a crime against parenting. I just said that the coke scenario makes me sad rather than the original OP scenario, which was criticised as being judgemental against mums. I’m saying mums don’t always make the best choices( and that’s judgemental- apologies).

vegansrock, no sometimes Mums don't make the best choices, or sometimes they aren't able to make the choice they consider best for whatever reason. The 'best choice' can also be subjective. I don't think anyone would argue that giving a baby cola is not a great choice.

I assume from your name that you are vegan so you make an internal judgement (not necessarily in a condemnatory way) that anyone who is not vegan is making a lesser choice.

I wasn´t able to breastfeed my first born in the mid-1980s, she just wasn´t latching on and there was absolutely no help forthcoming from the doctors and nurses, who just said "if you can´t do it, you´ll have to give her a bottle". I would have hated to have been judged on sight like some are doing here.

LadyBella

Yes, one would assume a site entitled ‘Gransnet’ is aimed mainly at older people. I am always surprised when I read comments from an obviously younger audience, as I imagine my DIL for example would avoid this site, feeling it’s not her thing.

But each to his own I suppose.

Not sure about statistics, but I am the youngest of 5 children, 4 of us were bottle fed - 2 in their 80's, 1 aged 75 and me 68 still going strong (touch wood), the breastfed one healthy until he died aged 28 from natural causes.

babyshark you are a very angry young woman. Not a good quality for a ^bloody children’s social worker

@Gingster if more women got angry at negative behaviour towards our fellow women there would be a lot less inequality in the world. I’m not sure how experienced you are with my profession but I have not a doubt in my mind by colleagues feel the same way.

Women aren’t supposed to challenge assertively are they? Or stick up for each other?

Honestly, I think anyone in a social work role with mothers and children would think giving a baby a bottle in a pram is so relatively minor it doesn't even warrant a thought.

I agree with OceanMama it seems mothers are vilified whatever they do. Child care is such a personal thing it really is no one else's business unless of course the child is being ill treated in some way.
Of course we hold our own opinions but these should not be inflicted on others unless requested.

Sodapop that’s exactly it. Sometimes I think people are more concerned about their right to voice their opinions (especially it seems on sub sections of society like new mothers) than the impact it has the subject is irrelevant to them.

Hithere ''So if a woman breastfeeds
1. It has to be discreetly - god forbids a millimeter of forbidden skin is seen for a second, what a scandal! (sarcasm on)
2. The mother should stay home, or to go to different room in her home if she has guests, go to the bathroom, or changing stall in the pool as so not to make others inconvenienced and uncomfortable
3. How does a mother dare be sexually improper on public! (Sarcasm on)
Etc
4. Some relatives dont like the baby to be breastfeed as they cannot bottle feed the baby
Etc''

so, let's solve the above issues - stop this nonsense and empower young mums to ignore such nonsense - instead of just encouraging them to swap to a bottle. Of course there are many reasons why there is no choice- but that is another story altogether. Many reasons too why giving a bottle without holding baby and 100% attention is at times ok- but so sad if it is the norm, as babies do need that special contact.

Being a new Mum is hard enough as it is without being judged for how you feed your baby. Unless you know all of the background I think it is best not to judge?

I think it’s very appropriate that this subject is aired on this site regardless of the fact that mainly older people read it ladybella and Calendargirl.

In fact I think it is good if those of us of all ages are aware that displaying our personal prejudices concerning other people can often affect them in a very hurtful, negative and destructive way.

It’s not just as a young parent you will experience judgemental and negative behaviour Babyshark as it goes on throughout women’s lives. You can get flack for not dressing appropriately, being uncaring, loud, bossy, opinionated, too fat, too thin, ‘letting yourself go’, too career orientated....you name it, and, it’s often women judging other women

Too busy on their phones to be bothered about picking the baby up.
Lazy parenting springs to mind.
I loved the comfort of feeding my two sons.
Firstborn was breast fed second was bottle fed and they both thrived.

I think I feel so passionate about it @greeneyedgirl since I had daughters. I want better for them especially as my eldest is becoming more aware.

Of course you could walk past a mum who looks engrossed on her phone and she may well be on it too much. But she could could be looking at it for a hundred reasons and people who look at that snapshot and make judgements about her as a parent are the problem. Even the most attentive mums look at their phone, hand the baby a bottle in the pram etc. You know nothing about that person as a parent yet people choose to judge/assume the worst!

Some of the comments here are truly TERRIBLE. Fed is best. Period!

Anyone here ever have mastitis? Hands up! It's one of many things which can affect milk supply, can even halt breastfeeding.

Think before you judge, for you know not what battles others face.

A few comments as a spectator.
Body contact is important.
Without it we would not be here, nor our children or grandchildren.
Not all mothers can breastfeed, for various reasons. Our firstborn was, but our second could not be so it was bottle feed or starve to mite.
For all the detractors, think on this.
How would like some of the comments about your choices?
Why you wear trousers instead of a skirt, or the length of that skirt,or the colours, whether you wear high heels or flatties?
An anorak instead of a fully fitted coat.
To be criticised for wearing Directoire Knickers instead of a
lacy thong?
Or the way that you cook meals?
Everyone makes choices for one reason or another, in some cases because of little choice, for good or ill.
Remember the adage ; Don't criticise the other man (or woman) until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

We don't know all the circumstances, and lacking all the facts may well reach the wrong conclusion.

Rosarie, AYBU? Yes I think you are if you allow yourself to feel anger at how a stranger feeds her child!
Has OP been back or gone for a lie down?

Rosarie Yes you ABU. Not sure if you have children but what does it matter to you so long as the baby is being fed? I would understand more if you said ...the baby was screaming and not being fed at all. Then you would be being reasonable.