Husband told secret I had asked him to keep. Worse still it was to the husband of my ‘enemy. ‘

I think the OP got the answer to AIBU. I would say is a resounding YES.

the fact that he agreed to your request, then did the opposite
Where does it say that seakay the poster says she asked her husband not to say anything about his hobby but she didn’t say he agreed at all, you ve made that bit up
My goodness counselling because her husband didn’t do as ‘he was told‘ are you in US I see you use the American spelling for counsellor so maybe you are There certainly may be more to the marriage problems that would be helped by counselling but if this is the only problem then it’s very over the top

Team DH too!

I feel truly sorry for the poor man. There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of regarding spiritual healing and who cares what other people think anyway. OP, you sound very controlling.

@Baguette123 Hmmm if someone agrees not to do something and then breaks their word then their word doesn't mean anything and how can you trust their promise if they don't keep a promise?

On the other hand, we do naturally talk about things we are passionate about and should not have to be something we are not... so maybe it wasn't fair to make him promise to keep secrets about himself? To be fair, if he had divulged personal information about you I think that would be far worse. I'd be asking him why he broke your promise, though , because he shouldn't have promised if he had no intention of keeping that promise.

But then also, you have cousin issues and I'd advise you to read up on strategies for dealing with your nasty cousin. Life is too short to put up with bullies. If you feel better about dealing with your cousin more effectively, you won't be living in fear of what she thinks - and if you feel better in yourself and more confident, you won't be worried about what anyone else's opinion of your life choices ( or your husband's)

Perhaps your husband isn't as much of a people pleaser as you think?
He has ignored you, and chosen to speak about the thing he enjoys, whether that pleases or offends anyone.
Perhaps you could take a leaf out of his book?

Maybe Baguette is trying to protect her husband from the ridiculing, critical cousin ?
Too late now , Baguette , she knows ( unless her husband has wisely kept quiet ) . Just keep your distance from her and realise that for each person who might sneer about spiritual healing there will be one who finds it beneficial .
Sounds like you've got a good husband .

I do think with you telling Dh not to speak about his hobby spiritual healing is a bit controlling on your part, why does it matter that people know if it’s something he loves to do, healing is wonderful and helps many people I know as I do it myself! When you said he let slip that he had told about it, it reminded me of a little child doing something wrong, you say he is a weak man, he sounds as though he likes to help people to me

How will it cause any problem if there's no contact with the 'unkind' cousin?

I think Baguette123 shows no respect for her husband. She calls him 'weak'. Is she ashamed of him?

She's just embarrassed by his hobby and wants him to keep quiet about it. It's a pride/reputation thing. He's not allowed to be his true self - how sad!

Sometimes on here i get a feeling folk start up 'discussions' as a means of getting attention.? that makes me feel less like visiting GN than i used to.

And no the O.P. shouldnt be dictating what her hubby can say or reveal about himself..only the headline makes it seem like its a 'secret' about herself.very misleading meant to get our sympathy i think.Shameful.

I think you should let the matter go. If he had said something confidential about you, it would be different.

It comes across from your OP Baguette that you are uncomfortable with this particular hobby of your H's as it's something you don't want him to tell people you're not close too or know well.

You say you're supportive of him in this but TBH it doesn't come across that way. It's unreasonable IMO for you to ask him to be 'secretive' about something because it's not your "cup of tea".

His interest in spiritual healing isn't anything for him to be ashamed of, or you for that matter.

Your husband chatted to a friend about something that is important to him. I don't really see that you had any real reason to direct him not to.

I understand that you do not want people gossiping about you and your husband because they find his spiritual work strange and especially not for your cousin to hear about it.
I reckon any of us with DH/OH can think of aspects of their hobbies, work or habits that we would rather was not general knowledge but if the DH/OH is confident enough to share them with friends not sure it is our business. I'd just raise and eyebrow and sigh!

Nannan2 People not only start discussions to get attention, they often keep up posting aggressively from a controversial viewpoint just to keep themselves in the centre of that attention.

I suppose everybody has some weaknesses. It seems hard to give up on the poor old soul because of his harmless hobby albeit he does seem obsessed by it to the extent of forgetting your request.

Why do you bother about what your horrible cousin thinks?

Thank you for your understanding. It’s depressing to read how many people have not really got what I was trying to relay. Maybe it’s the way I wrote it. Your answer is thoughtful and helpful. Thanks once again.

Baguette if it is hurting you in any way, your husband hanging out with someone who dislikes you's husband, then you need to tell him, not worry about him embarrassing you. Find your people together as yourselves

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Can you please confirm.

Did you tell him not to tell anyone that he did spiritual healing

Or something else?

I sincerely do not understand how your husband’s practice of spiritual healing can lead to slander. Slander is an untrue spoken statement, so how can he be slandered by your cousin if he does do spiritual healing.
You asked him to do something that, going by the responses here, was an unreasonable thing to ask of him. Does he not have the right to talk about something that he does and is obviously of importance to him.
Can you explain how your husband’s practice of spiritual healing harms you in any way. Surely it shows him to be a kindly person and that is a good thing, isn’t it? How do you know the gossip would not be nice? Why would people gossip about him and how would you find out people were gossiping?
As to your cousin herself , you say you haven’t seen her for many years, so you have been able to successfully avoid her for years. Why are you worried about her libel when you don’t meet her.
Many of the replies you have received comment on the fact that you called your husband weak. That is an indication to many of us that you despise your husband. Indeed your further comments that you feel dead inside are an indication of how little you feel for him. That is not a happy situation for either of you if you truly feel that way.
You ask what should you do.
If you truly feel the marriage is dead and there is no hope you will feel any differently towards him then you should look to leave him and live by yourself. He would probably prefer to be on his own or with someone who genuinely can support him.
His telling a relative about something that he does seems a very small reason indeed to cause such a reaction in you. It seems to be a very strong reaction, it’s not like he is a murderer, rapist or wife beater, it’s just spiritual healing which I think is a benign matter.

TBH I wouldn't term spiritual healing as a "hobby" myself... It does seem a bit derogatory.

I would talk to him and try to get to the bottom of why he promised you and then broke the promise. I don't agree with breaking promises, but maybe it was an unrealistic thing to ask in the first place to expect him to edit himself constantly and not talk about his passions?

Beuregard Why are you accusing some posters of trolling? Most posters disagree with you, did you only post to get the answers you want?
You cannot control what others think, and you should not flounce because people disagree with you. That last remark was very immature.
I feel you call your cousin the enemy because she does not tolerate the behaviour you have shown on here. I have to say your husband has my sympathy.

I do think 'keeping secrets' can be complicated, and quite agree that you cannot ask someone to 'keep their own secret'. I think that OP is upset because she feels they will be ridiculed by her cousin, and her DH just doesn't understand that.

I always thought that I could 'keep a secret' and indeed have kept many. But a close relative told me something in confidence that not only shook me dreadfully, but affected me personally. I felt I needed to deal with that aspect, and I told 2 people: DH & a trusted friend. They have not betrayed it, but I was so much better for talking about how it affected me.

I have however, never told the relative this. She regarded it as 'her' secret and I think had no idea of how it upset me. I think that the only other way I could have dealt with it was by going to a counsellor (which I considered)

And although some replies, in gransnet manner, were sharp, they were not 'trolling' at all!

she feels they will be ridiculed by her cousin, and her DH just doesn't understand that

Or he does understand and he just doesn’t give a damn about OPs ridiculous paranoid and possessive demands.