Gransnet forums

AIBU

Husband told secret I had asked him to keep. Worse still it was to the husband of my ‘enemy. ‘

(67 Posts)
Baguette123 Sun 25-Oct-20 14:04:20

My husband is interested in spiritual healing, which is his hobby. Understandably, some people find it a bit ‘out there’ so I ask him not to volunteer the information to people we don’t know well or who I know don’t wish us well. He has recently reconnected with the husband of a cousin of mine who has mocked and bullied me for years. We haven’t had contact for many years and it has been much better for me. She really is not a kind person. I was pleased for my husband to reconnect with her husband, as it seemed to make him happy. It didn’t mean I had to see my cousin so that was fine. All I asked was to please not mention the spiritual healing as it would cause gossip none of which would be nice. My husband has many other hobbies and anecdotes but he chose to tell him about the one thing I had asked him not to mention. He let it slip today that he had done so.
I’m so upset. His healing work is not my cup of tea but I have always supported him in it. He is quite a weak man in that he is a people pleaser. I expect he was trying to impress his friend.
I know it may seem small to many but something has broken inside me. I just feel cold towards him now. There is a back story of my having supported him a lot over the years, put up with an awful lot but now I don’t trust him. What can I do ?

BlueBelle Tue 27-Oct-20 15:51:30

Blimey you’re a harsh one beauregard so you ask if you’re being unreasonable and most people who answered told you yes you are so you have a hissy fit and call us trolls
If you ask a genuine question and get some genuine answers in response just because they are not not what you want to hear doesn’t make them wrong
I think you need to start looking at yourself and your own behaviour before you condemn others
or your husband

welbeck Tue 27-Oct-20 17:00:10

has OP changed user name ?

MawB2 Tue 27-Oct-20 17:12:52

When did Baguette123 become Beauregard ?

BlueBelle Tue 27-Oct-20 17:15:06

Sorry wellbeck got that wrong or maybe predictive text did who knows Baguette123 not Beauregard apologies to baguette my words about the situation stay the same however

PECS Tue 27-Oct-20 17:27:29

When people really believe that they have the moral high ground and seek support for their position it must come as a shock to discover there are other perspectives!

BlueBelle Tue 27-Oct-20 17:34:57

No idea maw

Oopsadaisy4 Tue 27-Oct-20 17:55:16

The OP asked him not to volunteer the information, she didn’t ask him to promise and he didn’t promise not to mention it.
It sounds as though you are ashamed of his ‘hobby’ as you call it and are more afraid of what other people think than to back him up.
So yes URBU.

Lavazza1st Tue 27-Oct-20 18:08:18

I still don't really think Spiritual Healing is a hobby- but I'm not sure how I would describe it...

Not being allowed to talk about anything you're enthusiastic about is a bit sad.

Sparkling Wed 28-Oct-20 07:05:16

I don't go in for Spiritual healing at all, find it bit creepy, so it would be unlikely for me to have a partner into that . He is your husband and you are ashamed of his interest, but to be told what you can or cannot do or say is very controlling, I cannot understand why he puts up with it. He should be able to talk freely, it's your problem if you are embarrassed.

Alexa Wed 28-Oct-20 09:42:26

Bagette, just close your eyes and think of something else.

Lavazza1st Wed 28-Oct-20 14:06:50

It's not my cup of tea either @Sparkling but I agree with you, it's being embarassed about who and what he is, which is really sad. Maybe OP can work on accepting herself more because we can only love others as much as we are able to love ourselves.

quizqueen Wed 28-Oct-20 14:18:37

I would if the OP would let her husband tell her what conversations she could or couldn't have and with whom!

grandtanteJE65 Thu 29-Oct-20 13:29:35

In my book you are hardly supportative of your husband when you ask him not to mention something that means a lot to him.

It is surely up to him to decide what to tell his friends.

NotSpaghetti Thu 29-Oct-20 13:56:54

Given that you want no relationship with the cousin I think it's unreasonable to police his relationship with the husband.
If you are trying to protect him, I see that. I think you need to grit your teeth and accept this part of him even if it's awkward.
I hope that in time it will feel a bit better for it not being a secret.
flowers

trustgone4sure Mon 02-Nov-20 13:52:42

With all that`s going on in this world,we could all do with some healing spiritual or otherwise.
Ans i really can`t see the problem tbh,it`s his thing soit`s up to him who he tells.

Blinko Mon 02-Nov-20 13:56:58

I can think of more bizarre things than Spiritual Healing, tbh. Let him get on with it and discuss it with whoever he likes. Where's the harm?