Husband told secret I had asked him to keep. Worse still it was to the husband of my ‘enemy. ‘

I can think of more bizarre things than Spiritual Healing, tbh. Let him get on with it and discuss it with whoever he likes. Where's the harm?

With all that`s going on in this world,we could all do with some healing spiritual or otherwise.
Ans i really can`t see the problem tbh,it`s his thing soit`s up to him who he tells.

Given that you want no relationship with the cousin I think it's unreasonable to police his relationship with the husband.
If you are trying to protect him, I see that. I think you need to grit your teeth and accept this part of him even if it's awkward.
I hope that in time it will feel a bit better for it not being a secret.

In my book you are hardly supportative of your husband when you ask him not to mention something that means a lot to him.

It is surely up to him to decide what to tell his friends.

I would if the OP would let her husband tell her what conversations she could or couldn't have and with whom!

It's not my cup of tea either @Sparkling but I agree with you, it's being embarassed about who and what he is, which is really sad. Maybe OP can work on accepting herself more because we can only love others as much as we are able to love ourselves.

Bagette, just close your eyes and think of something else.

I don't go in for Spiritual healing at all, find it bit creepy, so it would be unlikely for me to have a partner into that . He is your husband and you are ashamed of his interest, but to be told what you can or cannot do or say is very controlling, I cannot understand why he puts up with it. He should be able to talk freely, it's your problem if you are embarrassed.

I still don't really think Spiritual Healing is a hobby- but I'm not sure how I would describe it...

Not being allowed to talk about anything you're enthusiastic about is a bit sad.

The OP asked him not to volunteer the information, she didn’t ask him to promise and he didn’t promise not to mention it.
It sounds as though you are ashamed of his ‘hobby’ as you call it and are more afraid of what other people think than to back him up.
So yes URBU.

No idea maw

When people really believe that they have the moral high ground and seek support for their position it must come as a shock to discover there are other perspectives!

Sorry wellbeck got that wrong or maybe predictive text did who knows Baguette123 not Beauregard apologies to baguette my words about the situation stay the same however

When did Baguette123 become Beauregard ?

has OP changed user name ?

Blimey you’re a harsh one beauregard so you ask if you’re being unreasonable and most people who answered told you yes you are so you have a hissy fit and call us trolls
If you ask a genuine question and get some genuine answers in response just because they are not not what you want to hear doesn’t make them wrong
I think you need to start looking at yourself and your own behaviour before you condemn others
or your husband

she feels they will be ridiculed by her cousin, and her DH just doesn't understand that

Or he does understand and he just doesn’t give a damn about OPs ridiculous paranoid and possessive demands.

I do think 'keeping secrets' can be complicated, and quite agree that you cannot ask someone to 'keep their own secret'. I think that OP is upset because she feels they will be ridiculed by her cousin, and her DH just doesn't understand that.

I always thought that I could 'keep a secret' and indeed have kept many. But a close relative told me something in confidence that not only shook me dreadfully, but affected me personally. I felt I needed to deal with that aspect, and I told 2 people: DH & a trusted friend. They have not betrayed it, but I was so much better for talking about how it affected me.

I have however, never told the relative this. She regarded it as 'her' secret and I think had no idea of how it upset me. I think that the only other way I could have dealt with it was by going to a counsellor (which I considered)

And although some replies, in gransnet manner, were sharp, they were not 'trolling' at all!

Beuregard Why are you accusing some posters of trolling? Most posters disagree with you, did you only post to get the answers you want?
You cannot control what others think, and you should not flounce because people disagree with you. That last remark was very immature.
I feel you call your cousin the enemy because she does not tolerate the behaviour you have shown on here. I have to say your husband has my sympathy.

TBH I wouldn't term spiritual healing as a "hobby" myself... It does seem a bit derogatory.

I would talk to him and try to get to the bottom of why he promised you and then broke the promise. I don't agree with breaking promises, but maybe it was an unrealistic thing to ask in the first place to expect him to edit himself constantly and not talk about his passions?

I sincerely do not understand how your husband’s practice of spiritual healing can lead to slander. Slander is an untrue spoken statement, so how can he be slandered by your cousin if he does do spiritual healing.
You asked him to do something that, going by the responses here, was an unreasonable thing to ask of him. Does he not have the right to talk about something that he does and is obviously of importance to him.
Can you explain how your husband’s practice of spiritual healing harms you in any way. Surely it shows him to be a kindly person and that is a good thing, isn’t it? How do you know the gossip would not be nice? Why would people gossip about him and how would you find out people were gossiping?
As to your cousin herself , you say you haven’t seen her for many years, so you have been able to successfully avoid her for years. Why are you worried about her libel when you don’t meet her.
Many of the replies you have received comment on the fact that you called your husband weak. That is an indication to many of us that you despise your husband. Indeed your further comments that you feel dead inside are an indication of how little you feel for him. That is not a happy situation for either of you if you truly feel that way.
You ask what should you do.
If you truly feel the marriage is dead and there is no hope you will feel any differently towards him then you should look to leave him and live by yourself. He would probably prefer to be on his own or with someone who genuinely can support him.
His telling a relative about something that he does seems a very small reason indeed to cause such a reaction in you. It seems to be a very strong reaction, it’s not like he is a murderer, rapist or wife beater, it’s just spiritual healing which I think is a benign matter.

Can you please confirm.

Did you tell him not to tell anyone that he did spiritual healing

Or something else?

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Baguette if it is hurting you in any way, your husband hanging out with someone who dislikes you's husband, then you need to tell him, not worry about him embarrassing you. Find your people together as yourselves

Thank you for your understanding. It’s depressing to read how many people have not really got what I was trying to relay. Maybe it’s the way I wrote it. Your answer is thoughtful and helpful. Thanks once again.