AIBU to expect approx same value gift

I always find even joint gifts favour one person over the other. Generally the woman.

Why were you choosing the joint gift?

Let your daughter choose the amount to spent. She’s presumably an adult?

I wasn’t choosing the joint gift. I was looking for ideas to see if dh liked any of them or if we wanted separate gifts. I was going to consult with him. Dd has a family and I don’t like to ask for too much. I guess the nux is he acted without even telling me.

Just serves to confirm how I loathe the whole Christmas nonsense. Sorry but I cannot bear this quibbling over the value of presents. Spirit of Christmas eh? Lovely.

Well
I guess your husband knew what he wanted , and it wasn’t a joint gift.

Ask for something smaller, or ask for something similar. Your choice.

But your daughter is an adult and can choose her own budget and what she wants to spend.

You are only making yourself miserable at this point.

I hope you figure something out.

etheltbags1

Are christmas gifts not supposed to be about thought and kindness to each other. In our present climate we all should be glad to have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. Christmas presents should be a lovely surprise not costed out.

I agreeeteltbags (nice to see you posting btw).

Let him have the dibber and you have the sieve, he can borrow it when you want him to do any sieving.
I wouldn't expect my DC to spend that much on me for Christmas.

This tablet dibber is rubbish, I must put one on my Christmas list. £2.95 and I'd be happy.

I do spend more on them

Good grief, you sound like a spoilt child. We ask everyone to produce a wish list for guidance in November, with no promises that they will get anything on it, and then buy presents we have every reason to think they will like. We do not add up and compare how much we spend on each person. Does it matter, as long as they get something they really want? The idea of adding up the cost of each person's gifts to ensure parity of expenditure sounds down right bizarre.

I have just been on ebay. A really nice dibber costs £4 and a good, old fashioned metal garden sieve costs £11.00. What do they have to have to cost £62? Sat Nav and power assisted sieving?

I think you are being quite unreasonable, yes. The money is largely irrelevant. Supposing you had chosen first, but your choice was only £10. Would your husband then be forced to match your gift's value when choosing his own?

It's the gift that is important, not how much is spent on someone.

I used to work with a girl who had twins. I think they were about 2 years old. She told me that she'd been to buy them slippers and one boy's slippers were (for argument's sake - this was 20odd years ago!) £8 and the other boy's were £7. She had to buy the second boy something for £1, just so she had spent the same on both of them.

For me, that would just mean that one child had two gifts and the other just had one.

Diff'rent strokes for diff'ren folks, I guess.

For me, I don't care how little a gift costs. It's as long as there has been thought behind it.

Oh this is why I hate all this Christmas present pressure - I cannot bear reading stuff like this - it just makes a mockery of what a present is meant to be about.....something freely given out of love.

We have none of this nonsense in our family - we give each other something that we think they will enjoy receiving, and we are grateful for what we are given regardless of value.

OP - why ever might you want a present from your DD of equal value to your OH's? What sense does that make? What is that about? How does that represent the true spirit of Christmas?

Such a shame that people feel like this.

If you are a gardener too, could you find some joy in a sieve and dibber?

Oh, Christmas presents! We just buy for the children in our family and two of them are teenagers and only want money, so our present buying is easy. We just ask dd what her little ones want and order it from Amazon to be delivered to her doorstep. Easy peasy. Presents are over rated unless you are under twelve.

NB I think the OP means that if her daughter spends £62 or whatever on her father then she will feel obliged to spend the same on OP. The OP feel this is too much to expect dd to fork out on their presents.

But why should the DD feel she has to spend the same on her mother? And why should the OP think she might think this? It is all crazy stuff - can't bear it!

In fact the OP said: When I said it meant I should have something of equal value

The OP said it is too much to ask for and I think, in that respect, she is right.

We’ve decided not to bother with presents for adults this year as a family. But in normal years we do a Secret Santa with a budget of £60 per couple. If one of the couple gets the bulk of the budget, it’s just the luck of the draw. I’m always a cheap date - a good book and some chocs and I’m happy (I can add my own tipple of choice). Just let your DD know what you’d actually like, OP, seeing as she’s asked. Why would it matter if it costs even a lot less than your DH’s dibber?

We also have a "secret Santa" for the adults. It's nice to put some effort into choosing one gift. And it's especially nice to give it.

i better not say what i think !

I can understand that you’re unhappy he didn’t speak to you first 25Avalon but I don’t think it’s worth stressing about and causing a family rift. Can you speak to him tomorrow and agree something modestly priced for a joint present?

I'd be mortified if this was my family.

Agree with the "sounding a bit childish" comments.

The grandchildren in our family are the only ones to get the presents. They are all 16 or under. We've decided when they get to 18 no more presents. It's too hard to know what to get them at that age anyway.

DH and I stopped buying surprises a few years ago. We just buy what we want, when we want it and can afford it.

Not really in the spirit of Christmas, is it?

By our age I reckon we have got more than enough stuff anyway

As you are the one ‘to do’ the garden hasn’t your husband chosen the perfect gift ‘for you’ ? or share the darned dibber and sieve
Please avalon let this go it’s so unnecessary be glad you ve got a family around you......... that’s all you need as a Christmas present

We also have a Secret Santa for the adults. £50 to £60.
If I’m asked what I would like I always struggle to think of anything to ask for.

25Avalon - if your concern really is for your DD then you ask her for something really inexpensive. And don't gripe at OH about it afterwards!

Gosh - I so agree with the statement that we all have enough stuff by this stage of our lives - I have spent months getting rid of loads of it in preparation for a move.

Dh does NOT share his tools with anyone. I wrongly phrased my question. This was more about he did something without even mentioning to me first. AIBU to expect that?

One of the reasons we’re not doing presents for adults this year is that so many of our choices over recent years have been experiences rather than yet more stuff. There’s not going to be much chance of having those for the foreseeable future.