AIBU to expect approx same value gift

Our family agreed last year to only buy for the children. It is now so much easier. I just spend a little extra for DS and DD's birthdays, which are both in December!

Think your gripe is with your husband Avalon25 and nothing to do with the gift value. Talk to him about how you feel then let this go. As BlueBelle said you are taking all the joy out of Christmas by pursuing this.

25Avalon

Dh does NOT share his tools with anyone. I wrongly phrased my question. This was more about he did something without even mentioning to me first. AIBU to expect that?

Yes. If that's your question maybe you are being somewhat unreasonable.

I don't think most people would expect to come to a mutual decision about what they fancied for Christmas. I would like to think it would be different if you were being asked about a wedding anniversary though.

Send your daughter a couple of inexpensive ideas and leave it at that.

You do not need to have the same amount of money spent on you... and if your daughter can't afford it, surely she'd do what other people would do and just buy the sieve or the dibber.

I think this has got a bit out of hand here. It's not really a slight.

Surely your daughter must realise that in doing this, you are effectively getting no present at all? Is she happy with this?

Situations like this could all be avoided if people stopped making Christmas a spendfest! It’s sickening to read arguments and family fall outs are caused by monetary values.

But you DON'T have to have exactly the same amount of money spent on you! If it is something that suits you perfectly and shows that DD has been thinking about you, it could cost a fiver and still give you pleasure.

Why does it have to be a joint present? You are two separate people. If DD had asked each of you separately what you each wanted, she would have had two vastly different answers and bought each of you their own choice - much better.

Does he need both items - or just ‘want’? Could DD give some guidance to you both re budget? I would prefer something I would really appreciate rather than what it cost. I had a pizza cutter (by request) from DD one year, probably about £10 but the amount of pleasure and lovely memories I get when I use it are priceless

We buy low cost silly presents for Christmas presents Christmas for us is spending time together messing about having fun .
Birthdays are when we spend more because it their special day

What happened to people buying gifts simply because they think the person will like it. A gift they have thought about with that person in mind?
All this BS about lists and I want this or that and i need to have the same money spent on me etc etc..
Feels wrong somehow. My children never wrote lists when they were young..

I’m with casdon on this I do think you are being abit unreasonable especially if you had a mega row over it.

Is it really worth upsetting yourself, DH and DD over?

If your husband wants a garden sieve and a dibber , I have no doubt that your DD can find both, good quality , cheaper than that and also that even online, should be able to get them with a quicker turn around than 3 weeks!
I would guess that your husband just saw both items online and didn't look at the price.
Would it seriously bother you if it was the other way round?

When our children ask us what we want, we just tell them not to worry about us

They always do

As to the price I have no idea if Mr L's cost more than mine.

And I don't care

I really can't believe (with all the bad things that are happening at the moment) that you are seriously bothered by this.

Is money equivalence the way you like judging presents? Do you value people the same way?

Perhaps you should suggest something you would like and also they could buy a dibber and or sieve but not the top of the range one he chose, it’s a bit specific to ask for exact ones as that doesn’t allow for someone else’s budget. He is being rather childish

I am entirely with you, 25AVALON, chaps are so thoughtless. I also agree with those who are shocked at the price of a couple of garden implements.

The best way round any situation where emotions are running high is to manage it like Machiavelli. In this case I should accept the DD's gift as a joint present while spending £60 on yourself as an extra present compensating yourself for the thoughtlessness.

Then, for next year, pre-empt the idiocy by agreeing a top limit for presents, say £30, and think of what you want well ahead of Christmas so you can tell the DD when she asks.

Good grieffff!!! This is ridiculous. The world has gone mad...setting such store by ‘monetary’ gifts. I bet Christmas was a lot happier affair in years gone by when there wasn’t all this malarkey about how much things cost, and the excesses of present buying. Totally bonkers! (I won’t be getting anything in Christmas Day as family are in USA and I can’t go this year... the best and only present I’d like is to be with them all to share Christmas Day!!!!)

You are in a win win situation if you re-frame this issue.
enjoy the pleasure your husband will get from well-crafted British tools. Enjoy the garden and agree with him that you should have something special that comes from your own family funds. Your daughter can be told that Daddy's choice will be a joint present from her and that he is going to get you a special little something.

Dh did look at the price. He doesn’t want cheaper ones, only those he considers top quality from the manufacturer he considers the best who take 3 weeks. If dd were to get him any others he would not want them. That is the way he is. If he has both I will just ask her to get me a bottle of Baileys. This is about him not conferring which I found very upsetting.

It is the thought that counts not the monetary value

I'm on my own and so is my sis so we have £20 limit. The thing is all my friends, etc are married and then I'm buying for both of them. It gets a bit expensive by the time I'm finished. I wouldn't want his as a joint gift either, he choose it not you. You buy him one and your daughter but the other?

I have a very elderly aunt who I buy a small present and card for every year. She hasn’t bought me a present for years and the card stopped a couple of years ago. So what?

Haven’t done adult gifts for over 15 years! We all treat ourselves to something we’d like ...or not, if there’s nothing we fancy.
Surely gifting, lists and surprises are for children??
A bit baffled by this _ sounds like it’s a much deeper issue than a Christmas gift?

I can understand you being miffed that he didn't consult you, that's fair enough, it was thoughtless of him, and he should apologise. If DH had taken it upon himself to reply on my behalf to something like that, he would have got an earful!

Christmas, like weddings, can be a minefield people get so wound up. You are now looking at damage limitation, you will have to come up with some smallish item you would like 'it is the thought that counts' and suggest your daughter might like to buy that for you. Then forget about it, and receive it with joy.

And next year, don't dither so long, have an idea ready and get in first!