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AIBU to get a bit annoyed every year with SIL giving us a Christmas card from a pack.

(317 Posts)
Kandinsky Tue 15-Dec-20 13:26:10

She’s my DH’s only sibling - you’d think she’d buy a special, ‘to my brother & family’ type card rather than a card from a box that she probably uses for the neighbours & milkman too.
I always buy ‘special’ cards for immediate family.
Also, they have money so that’s not the issue ( I’d completely understand if it was )


GrannySomerset Tue 15-Dec-20 13:29:06

I wouldn’t dream of buying one of those ‘special’ cards for any occasion, let alone Christmas. Each to his own, I guess.

midgey Tue 15-Dec-20 13:33:04

With you there Granny Somerset!

tanith Tue 15-Dec-20 13:33:41

I don’t buy ‘special’ cards either everyone gets one from a nice pack of charity cards.

SueDonim Tue 15-Dec-20 13:34:25


Lucca Tue 15-Dec-20 13:35:37

Agree granny Somerset.
Kandinsky in my opinion yes you are !

kwest Tue 15-Dec-20 13:36:13

I spend time choosing a design that I like and make sure it helps a charity and I buy however many packs of the card that I need.
I find those 'special' cards a bit cringe -making unless they are for someone living alone. I have known in the past that some older friends have rated their importance in the world by the number of cards received, so I'm not really knocking the special cards but it feels slightly odd to give something over-elaborate like that to one's own generation.

yellowcanary Tue 15-Dec-20 13:37:31

My sister-in-law is the same, admittedly usually charity cards - but I always get "special" cards for immediate family as you do Kadinsky. She did say that this year they weren't even going to do cards but donate to charity (does that ever happen when people say it?), but obviously had a change of heart because my sister and myself have had cards with pictures of them and a verse from them as well.

Grandma70s Tue 15-Dec-20 13:37:46

I’ve never bought or received a ‘special’ card in my life. I buy cards in aid of charities, and so do my family and friends.

Jaxjacky Tue 15-Dec-20 13:39:55

I only buy ‘special’ cards for DH, other family get one from a charity pack.

Oldwoman70 Tue 15-Dec-20 13:43:46

I buy a "special" card for my mother - in her 90s! Everyone else gets cards from a pack bought from a charity. It wouldn't cross my mind to be upset to receive a card from a pack from family

Lolo81 Tue 15-Dec-20 13:45:39

I have a very good friend who is literally the only person I give a Christmas card to. So far I have 25 cards left from the box of 30 I bought 5 years ago since I give her a card each year.
Some people don’t like cards - I’m one of them, I’d much rather have a conversation than a card on my mantle for 3 weeks that I then Chuck in the bin.

Each to their own, but I certainly wouldn’t judge someone on this little quirk.

Auntieflo Tue 15-Dec-20 13:46:44

Just be thankful that she remembers you.

Summerlove Tue 15-Dec-20 13:47:15

I’m sorry OP, I’m another who thinks you are unreasonable.
just try to remember, that just because it’s your choice to buy special cards, it does not mean everybody else should.

geekesse Tue 15-Dec-20 13:47:15

Oh, for goodness’ sake, it’s a piece of cardboard with some pictures on it. What a ridiculous thing to make a fuss about!

Lazyriver Tue 15-Dec-20 13:47:25

I'm always pleased to get any card at Xmas knowing that friends and family have thought of me.
To expect a 'special' card from someone is unreasonable, yes!

Grandmabatty Tue 15-Dec-20 13:48:42

You are being unreasonable, yes. And even if there's a huge back story you are still being unreasonable. She sends you a card when many people have stopped. Accept and move on.

MawBe Tue 15-Dec-20 13:52:05

Oh dear, OP you are I’m afraid!

Those “special” cards are absolutely not to my taste frankly I find them entirely naff and a card “from a pack” as you call it would always be preferable- especially a charity card.
You sound rather “grand” to expect a “better” card than that intended for the neighbours (who sends cards to their milkman?)

lemongrove Tue 15-Dec-20 13:52:19

Do you always send her a special card Kandinsky ? I think that if you do, and she doesn’t reciprocate, only send a box card in future.
I normally send the AC a special one, although haven’t done so this year.

Marilla Tue 15-Dec-20 13:53:31

It doesn’t matter about the quality of the card, it’s the thought that went into writing an individual message to you; I’m presuming she did write a message.

I like writing cards and receiving them.

Maggiemaybe Tue 15-Dec-20 13:53:45

Sorry, yes, I think YABU as well. I do buy special ones sometimes for the family, but to be honest they can be a bit twee and I usually think the ones in the packs are better.

I ordered a cute Baby's First Christmas one with my latest Sainsburys online order and they substituted it with a roll of greaseproof paper, which made me laugh. To be fair I doubt DGS6 would notice the difference. smile

felice Tue 15-Dec-20 13:53:58

Yes yellowcanary my DD and I both made 50€ donations to Christian Aid this morning in lieu of cards.

Blossoming Tue 15-Dec-20 13:54:17

YABU, it’s a card.

Jaffacake2 Tue 15-Dec-20 14:15:45

Really ? Is this your main upset in the middle of a pandemic ? As the kids would say " get over yourself ! "

Doodledog Tue 15-Dec-20 14:17:44

I agree that YABU.

As for people giving charity donations, I have heard a number of people saying that they doubt that it is the case, as if it is somehow cheating. There is no real reason why we should spend £££ on buying writing and posting cards. The 'custom' was invented to make profit for the manufacturers, so choosing not to line their pockets doesn't oblige anyone to make a donation or buy something 'worthy' instead, and to expect a relative to buy a particularly expensive card is just ridiculous, I think.

I stopped sending cards years ago, other than to my mum, my MIL and a couple of other older people who would be upset if I didn't. I don't pretend that I am making a donation to anything (I do that all year round with no announcements), I just tell people that cards are not 'my thing' if I'm asked, which I rarely am.

These days, people don't need to send cards to keep in touch in the way that they used to, as they can do that on Facebook etc.