Gransnet forums


Hostessing on Christmas Day

(105 Posts)
Carenza123 Sun 20-Dec-20 19:55:36

AIBU when I say I am not looking forward to Christmas Day? We are staying in our home rather than going to our daughter and son-in-laws for Christmas Day because of covid. Our daughter is preparing dinner for three of us and she is delivering three Christmas dinners to us at our house about 10 minutes from her home. My husband 74 and I, 72, are having his sister (80) at ours. Thing is, husband and sister walk with a stick and I know I will be up and down most of the day, as the hostess, waiting on my husband and sister as basically I am the fittest.

Callistemon Mon 21-Dec-20 10:17:03


Not being funny here, but won’t it just be like every other day with your husband? How does it being Christmas change the amount you need to help him (or not)?
Enjoy the free dinner and count your blessings would be my advice.

Without having to cook!


Jules48 Mon 21-Dec-20 10:22:38

Our daughter is preparing dinner for the three of us
she is delivering three Christmas dinners to us
basically I am the fittest

er, count your blessings maybe?

Loulelady Mon 21-Dec-20 10:28:23

Relieved to see that you will be hosting and not hostessing. The latter would be a big ask of a septuagenarian on Christmas Day, and not very Covid safe.
Get one of those doggy ball throwers and keep the chocolate biscuits by your chair.
Merry Christmas!

goose1964 Mon 21-Dec-20 11:24:04

Think in advance what they're likely to need and put it out where they can get it , so think sherry, glasses on a table with gin, tonic on ice posh chocolates etc.

phoenix Mon 21-Dec-20 12:03:33

No response from the OP?

Marydoll Mon 21-Dec-20 12:36:38

It always annoys me when the OP doesn't come back and posters have wasted their time responding.

WOODMOUSE49 Mon 21-Dec-20 13:00:01

I 'd love to have Christmas dinner cooked for me.
For 5 years I cooked Christmas Dinner at my house, then I drove with DH (30 mins) to step-mother's house and reheated /finished cooking the food. DH and step-mother would be laying the table etc. We'd eat, have a chat. DH would wash up (no dishwasher), I drive home (usual get back about 6:00pm). I found it quite an exhausting day.

Step-mother died in Feb 2019 so I now look forward to our Christmas day because in 2019 we had my DD and granddaughter to stay (they travel nearly 300 miles to be with us) and we'd cook together.

We planned to do this every year. Except it has all changed this year sad.

Chewbacca Mon 21-Dec-20 13:09:08

Carenza123 would it be worth asking your daughter if she could possibly hang around for an hour or two to waitress for you all? It doesn't sound as though she has that much to keep her occupied does it and I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be getting up/down unnecessarily when she could do it for you. kids these days are so damned lazy hmm

Oldbutstilluseful Mon 21-Dec-20 13:17:24

EllanVannin, ??

Nannarose Mon 21-Dec-20 14:30:31

I'm never sure whether to post when there have been so many posts in a similar vein.
However OP, if you do make it this far, I think you may indeed be quite tired looking after 2 others, even if the bulk of the work has been done. There are practical suggestions here, and I would add:
Tell husband & s-i-l that although you are glad most of the work has been done, there is still dishing up / clearing / washing up and sorting out bits & pieces. Ask / suggest what they can do.
Sort out what they can do - my mum would perch on a tall stool in the kitchen drying up. Probably too late to get a tea trolley (great things!)
Run a sink of hot bubbly water, stick everything in it, then wash up in fits and starts. If food is packed away, and sticky stuff soaking, then the rest can wait.
I suspect that you may be used to trying to replicate Xmases past, but it is time to do things differently.
I hope you can find a way to enjoy it.

Judy54 Mon 21-Dec-20 14:32:10

Oh Carenza123 yes as others have said you are being unreasonable. Christmas dinner delivered to your door by your lovely Daughter. What hostessing do you possible need to do? Think of those who are alone and will not have a Christmas dinner count your blessings and be grateful.

M0nica Tue 22-Dec-20 08:05:06

I think this is what the 'moaning' thread was about.

DanniRae Tue 22-Dec-20 08:42:28

After nearly everyone has jumped on poor Carenza for telling us about her Christmas it's no surprise that she hasn't come back on!
So I'd like to say well done to Nannarose for her kind and helpful reply. I sincerely hope that Carenza has read it and hasn't taken to her bed, sobbing after all the rather unkind comments on here.
"Merry Christmas Everyone!!" tchsmile

JdotJ Tue 22-Dec-20 10:39:56

Poor you hmm

jaylucy Tue 22-Dec-20 10:41:42

Hostess? Sorry, but you are all in the same boat - why would you be a hostess?
Maybe you can make things a bit easier for yourself by either moving your tea making things into the room that you will be spending the most time in or making up a flask of coffee to take into your sitting room after your lunch (if you have coffee after a meal) Likewise with things such a chocolates, biscuits, etc. That way at least , even if you have to be up and down, your trips will at least be shorter!

Awesomegranny Tue 22-Dec-20 10:42:20

Doesn’t sound like you’ve a lot to do if your kind daughter is doing the cooking.
Why don’t you lay the table in advance and put water and wine on the table so at least that’s all done and everyone can help themselves. No doubt daughter will deliver when dinner hot and plated so should be easy, not really sure why you are worried.

Theoddbird Tue 22-Dec-20 10:44:49

I am sure that they can do some. They might take a bit longer but resist jumping up and doing everything. Do you wait on your husband hand and foot normally? Enjoy your day and try and relax

Puzzler61 Tue 22-Dec-20 10:47:51

Even Robert Rinder ‘judges’ people in a kindly way. And he’s paid to be a (qualified) judge.
I’d love to see more kindness on these threads in 2021.
(I know there are many, many kind posters).

Coco51 Tue 22-Dec-20 10:49:11

Much Ado?

NotANana Tue 22-Dec-20 10:52:59

I think this is about more that waiting on people less able, though, isn't it?

Does his sister live with you? How to you and she get on together? What does your husband normally do around the house to help?

I don't think you are being unreasonable to feel worried about things on Christmas Day - they will be very different from what you are used to and hoped for. You would prefer to be at your daughters (where, presumably, she waits on you and your husband throughout the Day?)

Get your husband to set the table the night before, if necessary.
When your daughter brings dinner to your house, you have a choice - keep it hot (hostess trolley or similar?) or eat it straight away.

You can clear plates etc away, and your husband can load the dishwasher (if you have one) or stack the washing up for later on. It doesn't have to be done straightaway.

You can make coffee and reheat mince pies, then drink your coffee and read your book, do your knitting, go for a walk etc - basically, do what you wold like to do. (And if you would like to do the washing up in the kitchen on your own with the radio playing or listening to some lovely music, do that too - but you don't have to. There wont be much to wash up if your daughter is doing the cooking, after all.)

I hope you have an unexpectedly nice day, even though the circumstances are so very different to those we all hoped for.

Suzey Tue 22-Dec-20 10:53:00

Being brought a dinner and then complaining.. seriously

Pippa22 Tue 22-Dec-20 10:58:14

Blimey, is this a joke ? You are having dinner delivered an you don’t have children to entertain, just your husband and an 80 year old. Just a few cups of tea and hopefully a glass of something.

I am no martyr and older than you Carenza123 but on Christmas Day I will be hosting two little grandsons, and parents. 6 of us in total. Cooking a turkey, beef and ham etc. I will get the kids to “help” and hopefully let the others relax and enjoy as they have very busy lives. I will be tired afterwards but will love the day. Who knows for how much longer I will be fit enough to do it ? I do know that we will all have a memorable, family day. I pity your poor daughter Carenzal23 as you sound as if you are hard work.
Happy Christmas to all of you, hope it will be good whatever you choose or have to do x

petra Tue 22-Dec-20 11:05:52

The thread heading is: AIBU. The OP asked if she was being unreasonably and posters responded with their opinions as to whether she was/ not.
If you don't want to hear the answer: don't ask the question.

Phloembundle Tue 22-Dec-20 11:06:34

Careful planning is the key, as said by someone else. Put things they may want or need within reach. I am full time carer for my mum, and she has a trolley on which she keeps most of the things she needs. I'm sure your family don't want to be a burden on you.

Millie22 Tue 22-Dec-20 11:18:00

Really? Another silly thread.