Gransnet forums


Is it worth voicing my concern over safety?

(90 Posts)
Marj60 Mon 21-Dec-20 08:51:27

My son and daughter-in-law have a ‘whatever will be, will be’ attitude toward some situations. We were out the other night and they allowed their 4 and 2 year old children to play on very wet and slippery playground equipment in the dark. I am been accused of going overboard on safety concerns so I try to keep my mouth shut. Sure enough they both got hurt as a result of the wet conditions. I know my dil does not like my advice and I said nothing but I fear they will sustain a really serious injury some day. Any advice?

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 21-Dec-20 09:11:17

Keep the advice in your head.

And then say ‘I told you so’ but not out loud,

I seem to see danger far more than my DDs, but my Mum was the same, maybe it’s an age thing?

Lucretzia Mon 21-Dec-20 09:16:41

They have to have tumbles to teach them to take care

As long as it's not an extreme danger its best to say nothing

ayse Mon 21-Dec-20 09:20:03

I agree with the others. Keep ‘Mum’.

I’ve been in situations where I have seen danger but it’s been poopooed by my daughters. When the children are with me I expect the children to respect my wishes. I’d feel so responsible if anything happened to them whilst in my care.

Septimia Mon 21-Dec-20 09:20:31

I think age is a contributory factor - or call it experience! I would probably have been just as worried.

However, children need to have some freedom, especially to learn how to take care of themselves. These days there is much less freedom than I had (and that wasn't always much) and certainly less than DS had - he did most of his growing up in a country environment and I still haven't heard about all the things he got up to. Mostly he went about with a group of friends who took care of each other, although that didn't stop the occasional fall or broken arm.

Marthjolly1 Mon 21-Dec-20 09:38:12

No, I wouldn't comment either but keep my concerns to myself. No-one likes to be criticised for their parenting skills. However I do feel my GC are much more restricted in what they are allowed to do than my children were. The rules have changed quite a lot and there is a lot more fear for children's welfare in this difficult world. They need to learn how to get up and carry on when they fall and graze their knees.

eazybee Mon 21-Dec-20 10:01:35

Four adults supervising two small children on play equipment and they both were hurt.

wildswan16 Mon 21-Dec-20 10:06:32

Leave them be. Bumps and bruises are a learning experience. Children need to learn by "doing". I see so many children these days who have no idea of how to look after themselves because they have never been allowed to learn in this way.

There are, obviously, situations which should not be allowed to happen - but climbing trees and sliding down banisters etc is acceptable within limits.

grannygranby Mon 21-Dec-20 10:08:39

I think to give a child confidence you have to let them take risks...over anxious adults cause over anxious children who are far more likely to have accidents. It's hard but sometimes you have to smile with confidence when your little one is slightly out of their depth. My DIL wont even let her children climb on to back of worried all the time they will fall. We should swap DILs

jaylucy Mon 21-Dec-20 10:09:54

My first thought was "why would anyone want to allow their kids to play on wet equipment in the dark anyway?"
My second was to walk away, shaking my head and muttering inaudibly to myself!
The threadline on the GN email said "Should I say anything to my DiL ?" so your DS isn't a responsible adult as well then ? Or is he just exempt from your ire because as your son it couldn't possibly have been his idea ?

Goingtobeagranny Mon 21-Dec-20 10:10:14

My DIL is a bit like this and I think I was exactly the same with my boys when I was her age. I want kids to experience things but I just don’t take the risks I used to when my grandchildren are in my care. I wasn’t allowed to do anything when I was growing up and I think I’m shy and boring because of it x

PJN1952 Mon 21-Dec-20 10:10:38

When my children were small in 1990s we put up a climbing frame in the garden. After a few sessions on it (the kids 7 and 4 loved it) the elderly neighbour came round to say she felt it was too dangerous for the children to play on and she worried every time she saw them out of her window. My husband told her to stop looking as they needed to learn how to climb and fall.... she never spoke to us again!

Jane10 Mon 21-Dec-20 10:11:26

4 and 2 though? Surely some responsibility for parents. Poor little things.

LightAmber Mon 21-Dec-20 10:11:58

My DIL wont even let her children climb on to back of worried all the time they will fall

I never allowed my daughter to climb on to the back of the sofa either, not because I was worried she would fall but because it's furniture that I worked to pay for and not a playground!

annodomini Mon 21-Dec-20 10:21:51

When I was three, I fell off the back of Granny's sofa and broke my arm. I don't think I became over-cautious as a result, though my mum was always an anxious person. My middle sister was always one for walking close to the cliff edge, causing our poor mother palpitations! Dad was much more easy-going.

Bridgeit Mon 21-Dec-20 10:25:50

I think it is natural to be more cautious with our Grandchildren, best to look away if you are out with your daughter-in-law.
But if you are left in charge of them ,then your safer rules should apply ( if only for your own peace of mind)Best wishes

Galaxy Mon 21-Dec-20 10:27:52

My dad is like this, I have tried to parent in a different way, I think not allowing children to take risks and learn to manage risks is more damaging than a grazed knee.

TrendyNannie6 Mon 21-Dec-20 10:37:20

I have to admit yes they have to learn but it depends on what is deemed as dangerous, I wouldn’t allow any of my children to climb over the back of furniture not because of danger either, because a sofa is not a plaything,

Jane10 Mon 21-Dec-20 10:37:47

As I said 4 and 2. Pretty irresponsible to let such small children 'learn about bumps and scrapes'.

Theoddbird Mon 21-Dec-20 10:38:31

Children learn their capabilities by doing things. Think back to when you were young and the playgrounds we had with hard ground. They were so much fun and we didn't get hurt. You can't wrap children in cotton wool.

Callistemon Mon 21-Dec-20 10:40:03

They have to have tumbles to teach them to take care

I fell off a zipwire when I was 70.
I never did learn.

Callistemon Mon 21-Dec-20 10:40:47

They have to have tumbles to teach them to take care

I fell off a zip wire when I was 70.
I never did learn.

Greeneyedgirl Mon 21-Dec-20 10:48:39

I have always been rather cautious with my young GCs as I have worked in A&E. They now delight in telling me about risky places they have been with their parents “Ooh grandma, it was just like a DEATH TRAP!”

4allweknow Mon 21-Dec-20 10:49:23

I feel children nowadays are not allowed to take "risks" when playing. A the sift play areas allow them from a very early age to climb,slide etc with no risk unlike if they were outside. Where I live, on the very edge of a woodland park there are never any children climbing trees, paddling/playing with the tiny river or even just running about in the woodland. Years ago I suggested her 8 year old son could go to play there with friends and she almost stopped breathing expressing her fear of child molesters. So it was back to monotonously riding a bike around two small streets for the kids. No wonder kids are stuck on screens. Did the mishap stop your GC from playing or did they get back up and go on playing? Keep your concerns to yourself; us GPs are probably more protective now than we were as parents.

PollyDolly Mon 21-Dec-20 11:03:29

Are with Jane! A 2 year old is unlikely to remember that doing a particular activity is going to hurt or cause injury are they??? And a 4 year old might not recall it either, so I don't agree that they should have been left to 'get on with it' and learn from mistakes and mishaps.

In the event that the children were injured enough to require medical attention they would both have been referred to Social Services.

The son is also responsible for these children so quite why the OP holds DIL accountable is a mystery.