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Breakfast ritual

(96 Posts)
Rosalyn69 Mon 28-Dec-20 11:04:46

My husband insists on getting up with me and prepping breakfast, insistently asking what I want. I am half asleep and busy preparing animal meals and finishing off last night’s outstanding kitchen chores. I do not know what I want and it’s certainly not a banana!
My husband gets hurt and angry by this.
Does anyone else have this issue?
I know it sounds ungrateful.
I’m thinking I’ll get up at 6am so I can wander round for an hour before he gets up but I think he’d still get up with me.

geekesse Mon 28-Dec-20 11:08:20

Reason number 1 why I like living on my own!

Have you tried just telling him you are dopey and grumpy first thing in the morning, and to please leave you to get your own breakfast when you are ready? He’s probably trying to show you he loves you, however annoying it is.

M0nica Mon 28-Dec-20 11:18:25

Why not give him a list and leave him to decide day to day what he prepares.

Maggiemaybe Mon 28-Dec-20 11:23:23

It sounds as though you’ve a lot on in the morning, but he seems to be trying hard to help. Could you not just go along with it? My DH does all the meals now he’s retired. I’m eternally grateful that I no longer have to. He does consult me on what I fancy, but I’m usually just happy to let him get on with it. Scrambled eggs and smoked salmon today - delicious!

M0nica’s idea of a list is a good one.

Oopsadaisy1 Mon 28-Dec-20 11:26:07

NYANBU I would be a bit cross too, not that it’s ever likely to happen, but I do ask DH what he wants , if he says he doesn’t know I just leave it and he helps himself, I don’t ask a second time.

I wonder why your DH get hurt and angry though? It seems a trivial thing to get upset about.

Jaxjacky Mon 28-Dec-20 11:41:14

Not sure how long you’ve been together? But we established early on we get our own breakfast/lunch when we want it, dinner always eaten together.
I think you need to gently explain you’re not really a morning person, perhaps suggest a later time?

Pantglas2 Mon 28-Dec-20 11:46:25

I like the idea of a list Monica, and mine would be a long one - the problem being that I can change my mind three times between bed, bathroom and kitchen!?

We agreed long ago that we’d sort our own brekkie/brunch unless t’other fancied what was being prepped!

Lucca Mon 28-Dec-20 11:47:55

Is there a huge variety of breakfasts in your house ?

Have you not been together long enough to have sorted this out ?!

NanaandGrampy Mon 28-Dec-20 12:07:04

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

I am not a morning person either ( unless its Christmas Day or I'm going on holiday!).

Grampy worked shifts all his life so when we first retired there was some getting used to having somewhere all the time. Eventually , we had THE CHAT lol .

I need a coffee and an hour without chit chat or TV to become lucid. If he wants to chat in that time he has the dog and if he wants TV he can go in another room .

As for breakfast its every man for himself here . :-)

grandtanteJE65 Mon 28-Dec-20 12:11:05

Simply tell him when you want breakfast and what you want for it.

I start the day with coffee and progress to bread and marmelade a couple of hours later.

Woe betide anyone who trys to engage me in conversation before 10 a.m. never mind when I got up.

BlueBelle Mon 28-Dec-20 12:14:49

On my own, only me to ask
Don’t see this as a problem, how many different breakfasts do you have, most people are coffee and toast people or cereal or cooked breakfast folks I don’t know anyone that has a different breakfast each day !!!
Why don’t you just tell him... is he a new husband ?

Alexa Mon 28-Dec-20 12:17:06

Why not simply say "I'll get my own thanks, too bust right now." ?

Alexa Mon 28-Dec-20 12:17:16


tiredoldwoman Mon 28-Dec-20 12:19:31

ooh, i would like someone to want to make me breakfast in the morning .
Please send unwanted breakfast makers .

Elegran Mon 28-Dec-20 12:22:39

If you stayed in a hotel or a B&B you would be asked to fill in a "What do you want for breakfast and when?" form the previous evening. Why not strt the same habit with your husband? Decide before going to bed what you will have next morning, leave it in the kitchen, and then don't think about it again until it is put lovingly in front of you.

How lucky you are to have your breakfast made for you - or to still have a husband who will make it.

glammanana Mon 28-Dec-20 12:23:02

How often I have wished my darling husband was still here making me my first cup of tea of the day and countless others during the course of the day.

Callistemon Mon 28-Dec-20 12:26:24

I could have written N&G's post (apart from the shifts) although he always got up early and was gone before I emerged at 6.45 when we were working.

When we both retired I thought I should get up with him but he prefers to be on his own for an hour or so and I am not a morning person.
So he still gets up at 6 and I get up at 8 after he's had his breakfast. If he starts hovering he gets asked to go and make himself useful elsewhere.

Galaxy Mon 28-Dec-20 12:27:42

If someone's behaviour is making a person unhappy they are not lucky.

Callistemon Mon 28-Dec-20 12:28:31

It must be so hard.
I dont think we mean to be thoughtless ?
I so appreciate the early morning cup of tea that DH brings me.

Poppyred Mon 28-Dec-20 12:29:11

How very annoying! I don’t want to see anyone before midday, let alone talk to anyone! He needs to be told!
Mine is retiring in 10 weeks time..... ??

dragonfly46 Mon 28-Dec-20 12:29:34

We do our own breakfasts and lunches - often at different times. It has been like this for years when the children were teenagers and liked to stay in bed. I cooked one meal a day and that was in the evening! It works well for us.

Riverwalk Mon 28-Dec-20 12:30:36

I know it nice that the OP still has her husband - I'm sure she appreciates that but it's not on for him to get hurt and angry!

Casdon Mon 28-Dec-20 12:33:57

Alternative suggestion - what I’d do is get him to get up first, feed the animals, make me a cup of coffee in bed, then take the dog for a walk - then you can get up at your own speed, and be ready for him to make you breakfast when he gets back win, win.

sodapop Mon 28-Dec-20 12:37:09

I'm grumpy and don't want to interact in the morning except with the animals. My husband has accepted this now after having his head bitten off several times. Why can't you just tell your husband what you need and don't need Rosalyn you are married to the man for heaven's sake.

Canalboatgranma Mon 28-Dec-20 12:49:32

I get up at least two hours before my dh so I can have my breakfast in peace listening to Classic fm and reading. He has been known to wake up but stay in bed so I can have my peace and quiet. But as soon as he is up the tv goes on and stays on til bedtime, not my choice!