Gransnet forums

AIBU

Breakfast ritual

(97 Posts)
Rosalyn69 Mon 28-Dec-20 11:04:46

My husband insists on getting up with me and prepping breakfast, insistently asking what I want. I am half asleep and busy preparing animal meals and finishing off last night’s outstanding kitchen chores. I do not know what I want and it’s certainly not a banana!
My husband gets hurt and angry by this.
Does anyone else have this issue?
I know it sounds ungrateful.
I’m thinking I’ll get up at 6am so I can wander round for an hour before he gets up but I think he’d still get up with me.

lemongrove Thu 31-Dec-20 13:34:28

Mr Lemongrove always makes breakfast for us, but knows that I must have a cup of tea first, then we chat for a while and have breakfast about 20 mins later.Why not suggest something similar? A cup of tea and then a break while you prepare animal feeds and tidy up and then discuss breakfast.

marionk Thu 31-Dec-20 13:41:51

We have agreed that I would eat whatever DH puts on the table for breakfast when he promised never to ask me what I want to ear the second I woke up.

Nicegranny Thu 31-Dec-20 14:16:58

Call me selfish but l love my solitude.

It’s great eating and cooking at my leisure.

If I had someone around talking and wanting interaction first thing in the morning (other than a furry or feathered creature) I would want to tell them to shut up. I’m happy to get up and be alone.

beverly10 Thu 31-Dec-20 14:24:11

Your husband is not a child but clearly behaving like a petulant one.
Oh dear,diddums gets hurt and angry.? How long has this been going on ?Too long in my opinion.
Put the kettle on, feed the animals,make tea/coffee turn on the the tv and say ' ask me in a couple of hours then relax with your cuppa/'s.
It may take time for H to 'get the message' but that depends on yourselfHow long are you prepared to wait.? as long as it takes were it me in your position grin

Phloembundle Thu 31-Dec-20 14:42:00

Tell him to grow up.

Alioop Thu 31-Dec-20 15:29:34

Was married for 14 years and never ever got breakfast made for me unless we were at a hotel. Now on my own, still making my own breakfast, but enjoying the peace and quiet with my morning cuppa. Bliss

Notright Thu 31-Dec-20 17:09:32

Why don't you stay in bed and let him bring breakfast to you? Or If you have to get up with him, slow the jobs, the pets can wait, or perhaps you could give him that job before he starts cooking. And certainly leave last night's stuff. It won't go away. Have a nice easy waking up to the morning.

Catterygirl Thu 31-Dec-20 17:37:17

We have been married 39 years and when I met him, I rushed off to my desk in the City of London with a quick shower and a coffee. Totally hate breakfast like Princess Di. During Covid, he's working at home and I am retired. He has an enormous breakfast and thinks I will faint without one. What can I say. He complains about indigestion, putting weight, wind. I only enjoy breakfast in a hotel where I have no chores to face and go for the full works, followed by a swim in the spa or a countryside walk ready for hotel lunch. At home, I skip breakfast and soup is fine for lunch. Absolutely hate breakfast at home.

Grumpygran12 Thu 31-Dec-20 19:26:38

Galaxy and everyone really- yes if you have someone offering to make you breakfast you ARE lucky. To have someone there at all - you ARE lucky.

Galaxy Thu 31-Dec-20 19:29:42

Sorry no not if it's not what you want. People cant just be asked to put up with being uncomfortable because bad things have happened to other people.

Cabbie21 Thu 31-Dec-20 19:59:14

DH brings me a cup of tea in bed. He then goes back to sleep and his coffee gets cold.
I get up first. I have my routine which includes several chores, then a bowl of cereal( sometimes with a banana), cup of tea, time with my iPad or news on TV.
Then DH comes down and everyday without fail he makes his own breakfast of orange juices, two Weetabix and a coffee. Then a whole routine of medication.
We do our own thing for lunch, but I make the evening meal for us both. He makes me cups of tea throughout the day.

CSizzle Thu 31-Dec-20 20:00:57

My late DH never did a thing around the house. (He fixed the car etc) When we first got married he expected a cooked breakfast, same as his mother had done for him. I refused, as I already cooked two meals a day for him, and I couldn't face cooking at breakfast time. If he wanted it he could cook his own. He never did. He also expected me to get up and see him off to work. No chance.
He never offered me a breakfast or a cuppa in bed, but on the other hand I didn't want them. I'm not a morning person.
We got married in 1971, when a wife had her role and he had his, but if I were to marry now, I would be putting my foot down about a lot more than just breakfast.
I absolutely love living on my own. Wouldn't change it for the world.
Rosalyn69 you are very lucky to have someone who cares for you, and wants to do things for you, but you do need to put your foot down. Personal space at breakfast time is one of life's great pleasures. Essential for your well-being.

sazz1 Thu 31-Dec-20 20:51:22

I need an hour's peace and quiet when I get up and never eat breakfast. OH realises this and may make me coffee or I just make my own. Tell your OH you prefer a later breakfast and need time to sort things out before sitting down to eat. If he still gets annoyed tell him he's being controlling and you need your own space first thing in the morning. It's controlling behaviour.

glammagran Thu 31-Dec-20 23:03:05

My husband brings up 2 coffees for us both about 8am which I grunt my appreciation for - I do mean it, really. I drink mine in silence while reading the online edition of the Times. He gets up after about half an hour, has his shower and goes downstairs. Then I faff around having a shower etc, etc for ages. Then I get cross as he then continuously shouts up the stairs whether I am ready for breakfast or more coffee. Nooooooooo I shout. Not until I come down. I rarely eat breakfast as he well knows. ?

grumppa Fri 01-Jan-21 00:31:13

I just ask one question: large coffee or small? Or, if we are going out early: do you want any coffee?

This is after I have made early morning tea and taken it up to the bedroom.

buylocal Fri 01-Jan-21 06:10:02

Can't you share the chores and share getting breakfast together? Sounds like you have some frustration because you are busy and he is not in the morning. A chore shared is a chore halved and less pressure makes every activity more enjoyable.

Romola Fri 01-Jan-21 10:59:55

Since retiring, we take turns to get up and make toast and coffee, then bring it back to bed where we read the Guardian (such a luxury having it delivered). Best part of the day!

Craftycat Fri 01-Jan-21 11:48:30

I think you are lucky. My DH stays in bed for as long as possible so I get to do all the tidying up from night before & he is very untidy. He swans down when he hears the coffee machine starting up & goes into lounge to await his coffee. Luckily he does not eat at breakfast time so I eat my toast in peace in the kitchen.

rubysong Fri 01-Jan-21 13:03:02

I haven't got up for breakfast since I retired (unless we have guests). Either DH or I gets up and makes tea and porridge and brings it back to bed. Then he gets up and goes for a walk while I do emails, Facebook and Gransnet. A very relaxed start to my day.

tricia12 Sun 03-Jan-21 14:06:29

COULDNT eat before 10 am.its an unwritten rule we each get our own breakfast and lunch.works just fine .

misty34 Sun 03-Jan-21 23:15:45

I need at least 2 cups of tea before I can think about breakfast whereas other half has to eat as soon as he gets up we just do our own thing.