Hi 'Fridayiscoming'. I read your post with interest and I thought I would chip in with a different perspective which you might find helpful. In my relationship, the boot is on the other foot - I come from a very dysfunctional background and my DH has had to put up with me being torn between him and my parents and also with the huge guilt that people in my situation tend to carry internally. The problem is that a lot of our responses are learnt behaviour that are instilled in us 'pre-speech', that is, when we were too young to have even put a label on them. If we are born into a family where stuff is going on around us right from the get go we just absorb it - just like any other infant, it is the very warp and weft of our upbringing and invades even the very basic habits of everyday life. This sort of learnt behaviour is very much in our subconscious and, even though I have as an adult learned to pause, recognise it and respond with logic rather than emotions, I have not yet (at 62) learnt to fully get rid of the internal baggage - not least, the guilt. My mother is now deceased and I still struggle with guilt although it is receding because no new incidents are being added to the pile. My father is still with us and this is still a cause for consternation for me. My DH has been really patient over the 40 years we have been married, but it has also made him (understandably) angry at times. However, we have come to realise that he also has his own different kind of baggage - we all do. He bears with me and I bear with him and we compromise when necessary and always have each others backs. He has long since understood that my behaviour is not aimed as any sort of personal slight or attack at him, rather that it is with the frustration of the situation and the inner turmoil it has caused. Most of the argy bargy goes on within my own self - you would probably be surprised if you could hear the internal dialogue of people who have been raised in such families, most of us have low self-esteem and are self-haters regardless of the front we put on. My DH is the love of my life and my best friend, I would be mortified if either us expected the other to keep paying for things that have happened in the past. Each day brings new opportunities and I think it is not healthy to keep dwelling too much on the past. If you asked your DH what went on inside him during those years with your MIL's input, you would probably be moved with compassion for the suffering and inner turmoil he has chosen to hide from you - I would bet that what you have observed and experienced is only the tip of the iceberg. Imagine how it might add to his internal guilt etc if he knows that this is still causing you problems - he can't go back and erase anything and will have no way of putting the things that have happened in the past right. In your posts it is clear that you really love your DH - see if you can make a conscious decision to draw a line under the past for both your sakes and move on together with a new understanding. I have never written about this before as it is a very painful and private part of my life, but I hope it provides a glimpse of the other side of the coin. I wish you both all the very best x