AIBU The problem I have with my husband exercising in our flat

You probably feel a whole lot better just getting all that of your chest. I am sure there a lot of people out there at the moment who are finding being couped up 24/7 more than they can take. We are lucky to have a larger place to live so do not have to be in each others pockets all the time. I have been married 44 years in April but at the moment am on the lookout for a knitting pattern for a noose and before anyone comments that was a joke I think?

I feel sorry for your poor neighbours!
It reminds me of a video I saw a few days ago of a female tennis player practicing in her hotel room in Australia during the enforced quarantine period.
She was repeatedly hitting the ball against a wardrobe door.

What a nightmare for the other guests, unless of course they were all doing the same!

Why don't you both go out for a nice long walk instead?

At least he doesn't fancy himself as a Shot Putter, Javelin thrower, or throwing the hammer.
Then you (and the neighbours) would have reason to complain.
At least he doesn't do gymnastic s on rings hung from the ceiling!
Buy him an exercise bike or treadmill for his birthday, or as a special treat.

My question is now that you have had advice what have you decided to do?

I had a new knee put in. It was the most painful thing I could imagine, far worse than my hysterectomy or appendectomy.
And then you have to force yourself to do the exercises. Absolutely excruciating. At one point I could have topped myself it was so bad and I was so depressed, feeling it would never end. The visiting nurse said it was the same for everybody on days 10 and 12 after the operation, and she had seen many grown men cry.
I heard of one woman who did not do the exercises, so her knee was finally left stuck, unable to straighten and unable to bend any further, so she had to have the operation again.
It was 6 months before I was right, but I could then finally walk and if I ever need the other knee done, I would have it in a flash. It changed my life.
But now, after having not walked for so long I have a heart problem, and need to walk every day, which I do huffing and puffing.
So good on your husband for exercising. He must be tough to be able to do it so enthusiastically.
I completely understand your point of view, but the alternative is unthinkable. Either you will have to spend your life looking after an invalid, or not have him at all.

How I wish my husband would exercise, but I realise that doesn't help you.

If the weather is dry, go out for a walk while he does his exercises. If it isn't wear ear plugs or go into the bedroom taking your laptop or the ironing with you.

PS I was told by a Dr that the best way to defend against covid is to get out of breath every day, so your husband is doing the best thing! It would be good for you to do the same, if you are able. I have to force myself to exercise every day too, but it's worth it for the "runner's high"

That's great that your husband is forcing himself to get his heart rate up. How about go in your bedroom and put music on to dance to to get your heart rate up too? Then you won't have to see/hear him and will have your own good endorphins and own space.

You could always check on him at intervals, like after every song?

I would just say that you do not want to be in the room when he is exercising you are going to the bedroom and shutting the door. Decision made and thats that. If he moans ignore him.

If you are in a one bedroom flat you will soon know if he has been taken ill while exercising because the noise will stop and you can look round the door and assess the situation.

OP, you say "He has a regime of seated exercises that he does every other day, on the off days he's doing knee exercises post knee surgery." This suggests to me that his seated exercises are for something other than his knee. Perhaps he has had an issue with his heart which means he needs to remain seated. You don't show much sympathy for him while, on the other hand, depicting yourself as a domestic martyr in what is admittedly a small flat. I think you're letting off steam to us while you can't bring yourself to shout at him!

This isn't meant to sound harsh, but to be frank I feel a bit sorry for your DH. I doubt he's enjoying himself very much either, and it's good that he's throwing himself into getting fitter. If he didn't do the exercises you would be complaining because he couldn't do anything.

If he wants you to be close by it may well be that he's a bit scared something will go wrong. The huffing and puffing may be due to being unfit or possibly partly to get through some pain. I would go with giving him a bell in case he needs you to come running and using that time to do some housework or cooking. Get him to ring the bell to prove you can hear it in whatever room you go to.

I do feel sorry for the neighbours though.

He makes meals! Crikey he could exercise for as long as he likes if did a few meals for me.

Why don’t you exercise at the same time? Or, you could clean the bedroom or bathroom ( or both), whilst he is exercising. Failing that, you could go for a walk, taking your mobile with you, so he can phone in case of an emergency. At least he is trying to keep fit and also do the physio for his knee.

He’s doing what his physio has told him to do after he’s had knee surgery. My husband had to do these exercises a few years ago after damaging his leg when jumping off a boat onto moorings at the end of a sailing holiday. These exercises are vital for your husband if he’s to regain the strength in his leg.

You say your flat is very small so not too much work involved in keeping it clean and tidy . It’s not as if he doesn’t do his share around the flat. Suggest you go and read a good book in the bedroom or listen to some music and be happy that your husband is trying to keep himself fit and healthy. Also, try leaving the flat with a big smile on your face.

He should have a thick mat for all the stamping.....poor neighbours in other flats.?
He has to do the exercises though, so the best thing is to sit facing away from him with headphones on, listening to music or reading.

I have some sympathy with you. My DH does daily exercises to help with his COPD. He takes them very seriously. Fair enough! But I can’t see why he can’t restrict himself to one room to do these exercises, but we start off in the conservatory (more room for arm swinging and lungeing!), move on to the dining room (“I need a dining chair for this one!”), the kitchen because the worktop is just the right height, and the bottom two stairs! They involve using hand weights which he casually leaves lying wherever he plonks them down when he’s finished. Why does he always end up in the kitchen when I am working in there? If it weren’t for covid he would go to a facility and do his exercises there along with other grunting, huffing, peripatetic folk! But hey, it’s a small price to pay - he feels better for them! Hang in there, OP!

Your in a flat? Cant he walk up and down the stairs?
Instead of on the spot marching in your home.

Altissimma
'Sounds like he's performing a sex act' .Now there's a thought ?
You can't do better than that for keeping fit. Why not be the first to suggest it? Don't get too carried away though think of the neighbours{grin}

Felice that's exactly what I was thinking! He wants you OP as an audience to show he's doing the exercises. Or maybe he's scared? The husband of a friend has become very clingy after two serious heart attacks. Could it be that? You'll know him better than we do. Regardless,you shouldn't feel obliged to exercise because he tells you nor should you sit gazing lovingly as he grunts on a chair.

So, if he starts to feel ill whilst you're in the room, what does he expect you to do????? And I'm sure the bedroom isn't that far away that you wouldn't hear him shout if he was in trouble is it?
He sounds like a mardy control freak to me! Get him involved in more housework, he'll soon realise how much exercise you are getting.
As for the excessive noise from the hard flooring, can't he put a cushion down before this "seated marching on the spot" regime?

Exercise with him ?

Totally agree!

instead of feeling like 'surreptitiously' putting ear plugs in just put them in and let him see you do it!

how awful for you though!

Could he perhaps be looking for attention when he is making so much noise. You say you live in an apartment how do the neighbours feel about all the feet stamping?
Maybye he just wants you to show appreciation for his efforts to get fit.
Men can be small boys in big bodies sometimes !!!