Birthday flowers

I understand it might look as though they haven't given their presents much thought, but it's hard to know what's in other people's minds - even our nearest and dearest. If you've generally got a good relationship with your kids you maybe just need to put the gift buying to one side, have a wry chuckle about it, make a point of buying yourself something you really want, and/or find a tactful way to change things. We agreed a few years ago to focus on the grandkids at Christmas and, although we usually give the adult children with kids restaurant vouchers, ask them not to buy us anything. I ask the adult children and the grandchildren to put a list of things they'd like on Amazon for birthdays (and Christmas for GC). Items can be bought elsewhere and you can ( invisibly to them) remove the item from their Amazon gift list if you prefer to shop locally or find it cheaper elsewhere.
Maybe you could suggest everyone uses gift lists or you could indicate in advance of your birthday if you have a charity you'd like them to donate to instead of giving you a present. Whatever approach you choose, try not to let this one issue cause resentment or a fall out - there's too much to lose.

Wow I'm lucky if I even get a text message! But I am the first person everyone thinks of if they have a problem, so I know I do have some value for them

I can see it from both sides. My older brother is excellent at buying thoughtful and appropriate gifts. He has a real knack for it. Every Birthday and Christmas he buys something linked to my interests and I always appreciate the effort that has gone into his choice. However, I know I am difficult to buy for. Said brother also used to buy me fudge when he went on holiday. I never wanted to hurt his feelings and appreciated that he had thought of me, but I can’t abide fudge. Eventually, I decided to tell him as diplomatically as possible that I didn’t actually like fudge.

Do your children know how you feel about flowers? A few people have suggested wish lists etc. As I know I am difficult to buy for I often give loved ones a list of ten things I would like so that they can choose something from my list and I still get a surprise -
Win Win! ?

My younger son is very thoughtful and gave his father a sundial with a lovely inscription on his 70th and we also had a cushion with a family tree printed on it. His brother always curses that he has topped his presents everytime! We love both of them and their gifts equally of course!

Good idea HomeAgain. You have thoughtful AC to remember you and I guess they have busy lives too. Like annodomini I love flowers even though I have hay fever. Most flowers I can have somewhere I can see them and even lilies look lovely in a pot in the garden. OH loves chocs so I get plenty of help. I do wonder about these ‘thoughtful’ gifts we say we buy others, do they really like them? I have to admit I have received some very thoughtful gifts based on my interests but some experiences were not used in time or some gifts are still gathering dust in the house. My fault I know, but ‘disposable’ gifts are better for me. I hope you enjoyed the rest of your birthday.

I agree that it's unfortunate that all three sent flowers, especially now that there are so many different online gift choices that can be sent directly, already gift-wrapped - and I don't just mean through Amazon. I've received Moonpig and Funky Pigeon cards and gifts of various values - but none as expensive as an Interflora bouquet! And also a lovely gift of gourmet coffee beans! Flowers are just a bit unimaginative these days, I think

I totally agree with you. I had a birthday a few years ago and received 4 gifts of flowers.
One was from my Aunt and they were lovely and much appreciated the rest were from my adult kids, bought from M&S on the way to my house for birthday tea. All lilies as well which I haven’t really bought for 20 years as I prefer freesias or daffs now.
No thought, no effort.

I suppose it was nice of them to remember as a lady I know was giving off cos her family forgot hers. There's lots of places you can go online for presents, I've had to, so I suppose flowers and chocs are an easier solution at the minute. I always prefer a plant for the garden rather than cut flowers so when I see it, it reminds me of the person who bought me it. Buy yourself something nice, I'm on my own and that's what I do, I say it's from the dog lol

Gifts for set occasions should be banned, they are more trouble than they are worth to the giver and the receiver, the only real beneficiary is the retailer. I try to give gifts at the time they are appropriate, eg a balance bike for the 2 year old, just as she is at that stage of development - plants for my S and DIL's garden when they decided they wanted to rennovate the garden. Gifts on particular days are like a licence to give a big gesture a few times a year so you can get away with ungenerous or selfish behaviour for the rest of the time. If I go to anyone's house I try to take something every time, such as a couple of scones or some chutney (that I have made of course). Those are things I enjoy receiving too - Set occasions cause people to feel a sense of duty towards others, I don't want anyone to give me anything out of 'duty'. Btw, I love flowers but hate the amount land and water resources they use in the countries they are grown where people could be growing their own food, the plastic they come in and the distance they have travelled to get to me (and therefore energy consumed).

I have been sending gifts from companies such as L,Ocittane and Molton Brown to relatives and they cost no more than flowers and chocolates. You order on line and they can be gift wrapped and sent directly so no going to the Post Office. I understand about too many flowers and prefer something chosen just for me.

My daughter sent me flowers for my birthday last month because knows I love them. I prefer them to anything else because I have got to the age when I need to be cutting back, not collecting any more things.

I would not complain if my children sent me flowers. I would be grateful...

It’s often really difficult to buy presents you know someone will like. My aunt loved receiving hand-made gifts, but it was clear after her death that they’d spent their life unused in a drawer.
Now I just ask what they would like, and if it’s an Amazon or iTunes voucher or money towards art equipment so be it.
I feel for the OP. If I had told my daughter I didn’t like receiving cut flowers, I might be upset if that was what she sent, but life is difficult enough today, so if she forgot, I’d just be glad she remembered my birthday.

Happy belated birthday [HomeAgain123]

What a lovely thing you did, to share your flowers with friends and neighbours, a surprise gift will give them a boost.

Maybe ask your children to donate to a favourite charity next time, unless there’s something you really want?

I think that sometimes the problem is us, not them! I am quite an ungracious receiver of gifts, and wish I wasn’t. Some years ago I tried to get the family to donate to charity on our behalf, but that didn’t go down well, so we now accept the gifts, reciprocate as best we can, and happiness reigns! I am now just pleased that they all think of us and want to mark our special days.

As we get older generally there are less things we need or desire. Flowers are always my very favourite thing to receive - it’s hard at the best of times knowing what present to get for someone and wouldn’t you rather get a beautiful bouquet than something you neither want or need? I do t mean to sound harsh - we are all different but just maybe ? this is a matter of how you look at it.

I'd love to be acknowledged on my birthday!

*Homeagain123

I am with you actually, not at all to be ungrateful but because as you say, you spend time thinking about gifts and these are gifts, (and don't get me wrong they are lovely!) but just require 'one click'.

Last year by best friend asked me for something that I had made for her birthday, and I was delighted - so bought all the kit required which cost me about £45, which is a lot of money for me, made it for her and she was absolutely thrilled which was lovely! Then for Christmas I literally got a box of biscuits - no thought in that whatsoever as I am diabetic!! Last year she got me a Boots Voucher - knowing I don't use smellies, and I ended up buying 6 months worth of Tena Pads - at least they came in useful .... so I agree, it isn't always the thought that counts, some thoughts just don't!

I received a box of biscuits and a box of tea bags for Christmas from one of my children, well before lockdown too! It still rankles, they had very obviously been wrapped in the car, with previously used, and torn paper, no gift tag, and very happy hazard sticky tape!
Not much thought, given that I only ever drink decaf coffee, a well known fact in my family!

I don't know what age you are but personally, I find it very difficult to buy gifts for people. I would much rather ask what the person would like. I had this problem with my mother and I spoke to her about it and told her that, as her birthday/Christmas nears, she should say something like "if you are wondering what to buy me for .....then I would like.....and this worked out so much better for all concerned.

Hap hazard, blinking predictive text!

When DH died back in September, I received SEVEN enormous bouquets and was totally overwhelmed. I had only 3 vases (had to resort to using storage jars) am subject to hay-fever (particularly the yellow pollen from these giant white lilies. It was all too much and upsetting rather than comforting.

However, I passed on two to my daughters and took three to my OH's care home, where they always have lovely flowers in the foyer. Perhaps HomeAgain123 you too could re-gift some or all of your flowers to someone who would love the unexpected surprise?

Totally agree with you Homeagain123. Not everyone likes flowers, I’m not keen either, I’d much rather be taken out for lunch or a cream tea or be given an M&S voucher etc. I appreciate it’s lockdown at the moment but an IOU from them with a definite promise of a lunch or cream tea spending proper time with my AC would make me a lot happier than said bunch of flowers, box of chocolates my hips don’t need! I wasn’t too happy on behalf of my DH last month when my DS sent a card to his father with 2 scratch cards in ?. He’s done this before and I wasn’t happy then either (we are always too generous even though we cannot really afford giving between £60-£100 with all their birthdays and Xmas) but today have told my husband that from here on in they will be getting a smaller voucher or money in their card from us. I was hurt on behalf of my DH that they couldn’t even be bothered to either stick £15 in the card so DH could treat himself to a bottle of whiskey or a voucher for same so he could have popped into local supermarket for a bottle. Its not the amount as I know they haven’t got a lot of money but it’s the non existent thought that goes into our presents. I showed my DGS on FaceTime some clothes I’d bought him yesterday that I thought he would like but as he turned his nose up at them in front of me I knew straight away his DM would take them back and get the money it was the last straw, I’m now sending them back and won’t be doing that either ever again, I should know better as we’ve been burned before, it’s hurtful I agree.

Lend with care is a lovely gift to give. It costs £15 which you lend to an business person, farmer , shop keeper in a poor country. They bit by bit pay it back into your account and it is then available for you to lend again. If you wish you can withdraw the money. I love it and like reading about the different people and what they want the loan for. I have done this for several years and lent to many people in very poor countries.

??I’ll have them!!?