Gransnet forums


DH daughter has announced her pregnancy

(120 Posts)
Farmersdaughter Thu 18-Feb-21 19:39:31

So tonight my stepdaughter and husband came round and announced they are expecting their first child. Exciting times. Although I wasn't too impressed they just came straight in and he works as community officer dealing with the public! However this done my husband was over the moon. We already have grandchildren through my dd aged 6 and 3 who absolutely adore their grandpa. My DH was over come with joy and then said"at last a grandchild I'm thrilled" I'm so hurt that he obviously doesn't consider our other grandchildren as his AIBU?

M0nica Thu 18-Feb-21 19:44:09

Of course he sees them as his own, but this one coming is blood of his blood. You have had that for all the existing grandchildren. He has been delighted by them and loves them, but it natural instinct to want to see the children of your children.

Imagine that all the grandchildren born so far were born to your DH's children, wouldn't you long for one of your children to add to the number?

Luckygirl Thu 18-Feb-21 19:45:23

Please do not read too much into it. Has he ever seemed a bad grandfather to your 2? Let him enjoy the moment. Do not let this happy time be tainted by black thoughts.

But I would not be best pleased at them rolling up during a lockdown.

Ilovecheese Thu 18-Feb-21 19:46:26

Did he perhaps mean that they had been trying for some time and was thrilled for them rather than himself?
I can understand your hurt.

NellG Thu 18-Feb-21 19:55:16

My guess would be that he's just happy that the 'bloodline' will continue. I don't imagine, if he is a good man, that it means he loves his other Grandchildren any less. I have both a GD and two step GD's, I honestly adore them all.

JaneJudge Thu 18-Feb-21 19:58:08

It is a bit insensitive but maybe he just didn't think before he opened his mouth, we all do it sometimes.

Baggs Thu 18-Feb-21 19:59:27

I think you are being unreasonable.

Liz46 Thu 18-Feb-21 20:00:43

I think MOnica put it well. I can understand his delight and also understand your feelings but please just be pleased for him and forget the upset you felt.

crazyH Thu 18-Feb-21 20:01:31

I don’t think he meant it the way you think. I agree with Ilovecheese .....I think he was thrilled for them, not for himself. Don’t be upset, although I can understand how you feel.

welbeck Thu 18-Feb-21 20:02:47

but they aren't his, are they.
he is just stating a fact.
it's you that's making it into something negative.

paddyanne Thu 18-Feb-21 20:05:01

I think its normal for him to be excited.Unless he was there when your children were growing up he may not be able to see their children as GC in the same way as seeing a wee face that looks like his child did when she was wee.
Surely its human nature to look for the familiar in a baby and much as he cares about the two already here THIS one will bring back memories by the bucketload for him ,be happy for him he has supported you with your grandchildren

Urmstongran Thu 18-Feb-21 20:10:11

He was perhaps a little crass but I’m sure it wasn’t unkindly meant.

Farmersdaughter Thu 18-Feb-21 20:25:11

Maybe I am being unreasonable however I fear what may come for the other two I would hate for them to be pushed aside since they do dearly love him but he's constantly favoured his daughter in every situation. When my DD got married we had a budget she was given towards said wedding since there would be at some point another wedding to make it fair. Great. Two years later DSD married I expected same would happen with perhaps an increase of a couple of hundred pounds to take into account rise in prices. No the budget was given plus 2 thousand towards honeymoon the dress bought cars and bridesmaid dresses paid for! When I questioned this I was accused of being mean and was told basically to butt out of his relationship with his DD. I for a quiet life let it go. It was money we had both saved as we both still work. He's already told her were buying the nursery set and pram. When I suggested buying a pram for eldest grandchild it was shot down and she was bought a Moses basket. Now can you see where I'm coming from.

janeainsworth Thu 18-Feb-21 20:32:57

Oh dear.
I don’t think this is going to end well.

JaneJudge Thu 18-Feb-21 20:34:48

Did your daughter's Father contribute to the wedding etc?

NellG Thu 18-Feb-21 20:38:32

Not such a good man after all then.

cornishpatsy Thu 18-Feb-21 20:38:53

Do you feel closer to your daughter than your step daughter?

He quite naturally feels closer to his daughter. Do not spoil a very happy time for them.

Tangerine Thu 18-Feb-21 20:47:17

I see what you mean about the remark your DH made but he may well just have been overwhelmed by the good news. He would naturally feel excited.

As far as the money spent is concerned, I agree with you. More has been spent on your stepdaughter although I, like JaneJudge wonder if your daughter's father contributed to the wedding and items for the grandchildren.

It's hard to make things exactly fair. Does your DH feel guilty in some way about perhaps having left his children or first wife? That could make him want to spend money on his daughter.

Urmstongran Thu 18-Feb-21 20:48:14

‘Blended families’ eh? Not easy to navigate sometimes.
This family dynamic has tensions within it by the sounds.

Grammaretto Thu 18-Feb-21 22:07:50

Jealousies can spring up in families, blended or not. Every new baby can put another child's neck out of joint. You just have to tread extra carefully Farmersdaughter to make sure your DD doesn't feel abandoned and make it up to those DGC yourself.
I don't think you ABU at all but you will have to stand up to any obvious unfairness.

paddyanne Thu 18-Feb-21 22:34:15

Why would he push them aside,if he's been a good GF to them it will continue..or did you push the first GC aside when number 2 was born? Surely he'll love them the same as well ashis new GC

Peasblossom Thu 18-Feb-21 22:49:31

Hmm, to be honest you don’t sound as delighted with this new grandchild as you are with your daughters own children.

Be honest with yourself. Did you feel the same thrill as you did when your daughter first told you she was pregnant.

BrightandBreezy Thu 18-Feb-21 22:57:12

As others have said, I think it is entirely understandable that he should feel excited that his daughter is going to have her first baby.

I think you need to be careful here Farmersdaughter. Are you prepared to show the love to 'his' grandchild that he has shown to 'yours'. It is understandable that you are feeling a little territorial but surely he has set the tone by being a good grandad to 'your' grandchildren. I would think that the only way for this to continue is for you to do the same. You feel hurt that his remark seems to imply that he doesn't really see your daughter's children as 'his' grandchildren. Can you honestly say that you are going to feel exactly the same about his daughter's child as you do about your own daughter's children? Rightly or wrongly this doesn't always happen in blended families.

My advice would be to be gracious and welcoming to this new family child and see what happens. flowers

Hetty58 Thu 18-Feb-21 23:03:50

Farmersdaughter 'they just came straight in' What? Aren't you in lockdown? Who allowed (or invited) them in? How irresponsible!

Hithere Fri 19-Feb-21 01:59:30

Red flags for favouritism.

I hope your dd didnt hear it and doesnt know he said that.