Noisy neighbor - that's me!

I think kids running around for two to three hours is hard on the downstairs neighbour I remember my mum nearly had a complete breakdown over an upstairs neighbour, no kids, but a dog that he used to bounce a ball for late into the night
My next door neighbours have been there 16 years and lots of kids and now grandkids they ve taken to playing bass music and it really isn’t loud enough to complain, but as soon as it starts my heart sinks I think we often don’t realise how much noise travels and i have thick Victorian walls

I think the flowers are a great idea as acknowledgement but not if you add as you said “that you have a right to enjoy your family in your own home” then I think you may as well not bother with the flowers as that just erases the thoughtful gesture

That isn't the issue though, is it?
The noise is the issue.

MissAdventure, I think the issue is whether the noise is reasonable. I don't see how it can be. We should respect our neighbours' rights to a peaceful life, a quiet home, shouldn't we?

I asked for wise counsel, and have gratefully received some.
I am, however, disappointed by some bitter malcontents who like to rip others to pieces and insult them.
My daughter is not a single mother, her children are not the hooligans which some people describe and my needing help with household tasks is not a matter for cutting remarks.
Shame on you!

Hetty58

MissAdventure, I think the issue is whether the noise is reasonable. I don't see how it can be. We should respect our neighbours' rights to a peaceful life, a quiet home, shouldn't we?

Yes of course.
Unless that means not seeing our family, or only doing so when a neighbour thinks is appropriate.

You don't see how the noise is reasonable.
I do.

We'll have to agree to differ.

Now I know why I don't want to live in a flat. A semi is bad enough.

It should be a major consideration, I agree.
These things can turn very nasty, last for years, and make all parties ill with the stress.

Gosh. Not been on here for a while. First post has got me fizzing. Sorry but EVERYBODY is entitled to a life, upstairs as well as downstairs! The OP is doing nothing wrong IMO. It isn’t like she is holding dances in her flat. It isn’t unsociable hours. If the downstairs can’t tolerate a child above for a couple of hours then tough!

Op I would just carry on as I am doing. Your family are as important to you as your neighbors are to her. If she reports to the police because a 3 year old makes a bit of noise during the day they will not be impressed - with them, not you!

Feel sorry for you but I can’t believe how many people have tried to make you feel in the wrong here.

Your family are obviously your priority, and it would be really sad if you had to curtail their visits when they are obviously mutually supportive.

But I do think the fact that she hears things that aren’t there is a red flag, my mother in law used to hear people in her flat and football matches in the middle of the night, and it turned out to be the early stages of dementia

sluttygran, 'help with household tasks' - every day, for three hours (with a kid running around) - really? I think you are just a neighbour from hell.

I expect that could cut both ways.

Actually sluutygran, assuming a) you want to keep on good terms and b) she’s fed up but normal, do you think it would help if your daughter came at different times of the day?

If they came for lunch say, the at three o clock she could breathe a sigh of relief because it was over for the day. Then she could have the nap you mentioned.

Perhaps she doesn’t sleep well at night and is desperate for that afternoon nap and that’s what’s making her grouchy. ?

Omg ? Hetty58. What a cruel and nasty post! at 19.55 Not to mention pure assumption. Totally malicious that is uncalled for.

Hetty
We’re in strange times, it’s good that a family can support each other, maybe the little boy could be encouraged not to run around quite so much, but hopefully it will soon be over, seems to me she could be a little more tolerant.

Hetty, there are more pleasant and less judgemental ways of stating your opinion. You know nothing at all about the OP's circumstances.

That was below the belt hetty
I hope it sorts out for both parties just a little adjustment on both sides is all that’s needed and maybe the little chap will be back at nursery soon

I thought your post was mean Hetty58.

I think it would be worth letting the neighbour know that an end is in sight.
It's amazing how stoically people can be when they know it's not going to last much longer.
A bit like lockdown.

I think you are just a neighbour from hell.

A nasty personal insult based on absolutely nothing more than you're own personal animosity Hetty. You owe sluttygran a sincere apology.

Really great idea MissA. Reminds me of a GP I worked for when I was 19y. If the waiting room was busy and fidgety he used to say ‘open the hatch and apologise & let them know I’m unavoidably running late - they accept it better when we acknowledge their frustration’. He was a kind, wise man.

For all the above who think I'm being nasty, sorry but I disagree. Nobody needs to have their family round for tea 'most afternoons'.

It's not a childcare bubble - as there is socialising. Support bubbles are just being used as excuses to meet up, indoors, during lockdown. They are there for those who need them, of course, but the OP's story just doesn't add up.

Most of us are considerate of elderly neighbours. I feel so sorry for the poor woman who lives below.

I suspect there is more to this than noise.

There have been many threads and posts on this forum about breaking the rules of lockdown or at the very least pushing the boundaries and I think this is what you are doing here. Yes, you live alone and are entitled to be in a support bubble but who is giving support to who here? You say that your daughter is afraid to be “shut up in her own house” and prefers to be with you. You say “we have been clinging to each other during lockdown.” and “I feel it very hard to be told that I can't have my daughter and her family to tea.” That’s sounds like wanting daily company rather than needing daily support. Many people would love to have some daily even weekly company but can’t and have to make do with the phone and other non-contact technologies.

I also think it’s rather foolish if your daughter’s husband is working outside the home. He could bring the coronovirus home and your daughter or the children could pass it to you.

The thing is this. Your neighbour make be super sensitive but can just about deal with noise from appliances. What she may be irritated by is that you are having daily visits which are pushing the boundaries of what is allowed or sensible under lockdown. Rather than say that, she is couching her complaint in terms of the noise made by the child. It’s a silly approach because if her upstairs neighbours were people with resident children she’d have noise at lot more of the time.

I’m sure I’ll get some flak for writing what I have but think about it. The issue isn’t necessarily what’s being voiced.

We are in a support bubble with my 88y old stepfather as he lives alone Hetty58. He is self caring (fortunately for us all) but it must get bluddy lonely for him. We see him 3 times a week. He eats with us on Sundays, otherwise we bob in for a couple of hours.

Mental well being is very important to vulnerable people. He never complains. It is a pleasure to meet up.

I've heard all sorts of neighbourly disputes since I've lived here.
Mostly from less harmonious blocks than ours.
A neighbour who used to come out when someone rang my friends doorbell.
"Yes? What do you want?"
"Well, I actually buzzed T's bell"
"Oh no! She has had more than enough visitors for one day. Come back next week"

It’s so funny I just click on my FB account and one of my acquaintances had put in her status ‘I ve got to move out that ‘dear little boy’ ( no that wasn’t her description) is stomping about upstairs again I can’t stand it’
I think none of us realise how an innocent noise can become such a big thing however that doesn’t mean your wrong sluttygran it’s just about compromise on both sides
I hope it works out for you all